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In the Opinion of the 20th Century Velveeta

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The bananas are insured.

Googling A Ghost

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My buddy had been in the computer business, a systems analyst. Surely there would be some mention of him online. But there was nothing. Nothing, that is, until I saw the obituary.

Monday

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The door shuts slowly to something that’s allegedly mine and it sits there and waits until I come home just like you.

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder

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Many years ago I visited a nude beach. I undressed at the car and walked with my companions onto a California beach as naked as the day we were born.

The Nude Pianist: A Novel: Chapter 37

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—Frank, how is your sex life?

Things to Do while Waiting for the Toaster

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For you have waited. And waited and waited. And soon your slice of bread will be ready.

$5 K a Day

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We are all in big trouble. Here's some fiction to let your soul experience the beast.

yapping and laughing and living

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I can't take it bird by bird because I have neither.

The Rug

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Marge bought the rug on-line.

Wrinkles, Men and Shades of Gray

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You stand in the mirror. You see yourself. You stand sideways; your profile is always your best. You tuck in your stomach, you stick out your ass but it's the same. You stand face front. You shiver. The mirror adds weight to your already sagging breasts, the wrinkles…

Date Night

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Content may contain ordinary, everyday, and all around average happenings.

Arcana Magi Fifth World - Part 1

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As the four flew beside each other, they shared their stories and got to know one another. Soon they learned from the voice what was happening.

Quitting

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—It’s difficult to say, he said. I have mood swings. Women don’t like that. They become upset.

Ode To The Lord's Heavenly Men

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Women have to suffer

DRIVING WITH JON

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“There’s no real freedom in this world. But a car and the open road is close enough for government work.”

Ruptured, Weeps the Hole: The End (ELECTRIC DELIRIUM 10)

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She dips a toothpick in ink, running prick over paper, simply to prove herself wrong.

Time Travel Telephone

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And now, the weather. The Cloud Wranglers have roped three solid clouds this morning, preventing the clouds from raining iron bars onto Human Brain Storage Center #17.

Shakespeare's Dark Lady -- John Hudson (review disguised as fiction)

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William Shakespeare (a surname that meant "wanker" back in the day, by the way)

Winter's Presence 2010

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A short triangular plastic shovels into the/White plastic container filled with topaz crystal-like/Salt granulars. Scratchy sandy sounds echo.

Born to Be Alive

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When Mt. St. Helens erupted, I knew that was the end of Bigfoot.

She Waited for the other Shoe to Drop

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She Waited for the other Shoe to Drop

12.22.12

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No jagged bits of crust were thrust up/ through the prairie’s black gumbo/ to give us cataclysmic mountain views.

Things I Learned But No Longer Believe

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Shakespeare had red hair / Van Gogh never painted a nude

A College Town

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Beside Dripping Glaciers

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We slept beside dripping glaciers people like us We were never meant to be housed contained, kept, petted, cleaned We could only be gutted You used us one time and threw us out people like us We sprouted the wings of desire by watchi

Safe

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She left knives and hot pots with handles akimbo. Like a guardian angel, he turned them in. Like an ungrateful Eve, she turned them back out.

Supersymmetric: Almost but not quite

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As black as his socks with a hole in them she used to sew while watching. The octopus has three hearts you know. Yes, No and Maybe. As black as inkpots, inkjets, as black as typewriter ribbons and the Gutenberg press, as black as the ink of a trillion

Alarming Apples

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I struck up a conversation with the cricket. We talked about Super Nintendo and cookies and we fell asleep on the boulder. The next morning, I woke up and offered the cricket a donut. He enjoyed the donut thoroughly...

" I Know Bernie, I Can Get You In."

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* Dedicated to Bernie MaddoffThere was a long line at the men's room.You know,when men reach a certain age,there is an urgencyto their frequent trips.So I saw an opportunityI said:" I know Bernie I can get you in.""Really?," they saidbut I played it coy"It ain't easyBernie…

A Conversation With a Ghost

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This must never get out in the press, for it would cause widespread panic. The priests would surround my house, not to mention the police and possibly the army. Castor Desayuno has come back from the dead!