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DRIVING WITH JON

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“There’s no real freedom in this world. But a car and the open road is close enough for government work.”

" I Know Bernie, I Can Get You In."

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* Dedicated to Bernie MaddoffThere was a long line at the men's room.You know,when men reach a certain age,there is an urgencyto their frequent trips.So I saw an opportunityI said:" I know Bernie I can get you in.""Really?," they saidbut I played it coy"It ain't easyBernie…

In the Opinion of the 20th Century Velveeta

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The bananas are insured.

Googling A Ghost

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My buddy had been in the computer business, a systems analyst. Surely there would be some mention of him online. But there was nothing. Nothing, that is, until I saw the obituary.

She Waited for the other Shoe to Drop

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She Waited for the other Shoe to Drop

bunk

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I bit her ear and / it was burnt toast

A College Town

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Dawn

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Fat robins are chirping – loudly – at 4 a.m. They’re trying to delude the worms into thinking it’s dawn already The worms get up underground They’re grumpy, they bump into things They come up to the surface and Wham! That

Bearing Witness

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I hold them to the light...

Reciprocation

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"I have a prehensile tongue," he said matter-of-factly. "I know how to make you feel good." Such confidence, I say. Prove it.We're sitting on the couch, watching a movie, but not paying attention to it. We sit side-by-side, my leaning into him, and his arm is around me,…

Ruptured, Weeps the Hole: The End (ELECTRIC DELIRIUM 10)

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She dips a toothpick in ink, running prick over paper, simply to prove herself wrong.

Monday

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The door shuts slowly to something that’s allegedly mine and it sits there and waits until I come home just like you.

A Conversation With a Ghost

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This must never get out in the press, for it would cause widespread panic. The priests would surround my house, not to mention the police and possibly the army. Castor Desayuno has come back from the dead!

Placeholders

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Everyone falls,

$5 K a Day

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We are all in big trouble. Here's some fiction to let your soul experience the beast.

1970

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deformed or retarded

The Rug

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Marge bought the rug on-line.

Things I Learned But No Longer Believe

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Shakespeare had red hair / Van Gogh never painted a nude

It Seems You've Stumbled Upon My Bildungsroman

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Why yes I began writing this, my bildungsroman, Who is Mitsy Jackson, in spring, 1974 or thereabouts, and thank you so much for asking.

Date Night

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Content may contain ordinary, everyday, and all around average happenings.

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

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A woman is fishing in the Seine at the far left of the painting, while time is suspended and light remains. One man plays a trumpet. A half dozen people sit or walk under parasols. Couples stroll and children run or sit or stand beside their p

Beside Dripping Glaciers

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We slept beside dripping glaciers people like us We were never meant to be housed contained, kept, petted, cleaned We could only be gutted You used us one time and threw us out people like us We sprouted the wings of desire by watchi

Quitting

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—It’s difficult to say, he said. I have mood swings. Women don’t like that. They become upset.

Cleavage

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"Dennis," she started "exactly what the fuck are you looking at?" "Your tits" I replied.

Time Travel Telephone

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And now, the weather. The Cloud Wranglers have roped three solid clouds this morning, preventing the clouds from raining iron bars onto Human Brain Storage Center #17.

How I Lost 1 lb Per Day

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Warning: Open and read before making any dumb-ass New Year's resolutions.

The Nude Pianist: A Novel: Chapter 37

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—Frank, how is your sex life?

4 Chapters

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But I don't see the cabinets, or know how to put the 4 chapters he's talking about today into the drawers that are invisible, floating, above his bed he's been in for a year, me sitting next to him, becoming a spinster.

Things to Do while Waiting for the Toaster

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For you have waited. And waited and waited. And soon your slice of bread will be ready.

Sixty words or less

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She wakes up sad. She can't shit. She spreads out the foil. no creases. folds it in half. She puts the stuff in the crease. holds a lighter under it. A zippo. then smokes it. Well smokes the smoke. It's like kissing god or the…