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I was at the doctor’s office
They had a poster of the Mona Lisa
and the caption underneath it read:
“Why is this woman smiling?”
Well, it wasn’t because she was over 50
and had yearly mammograms
It was because she was 20 something
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132642
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The way things are looking, we haven't got long on this earth. The whole human race is in trouble. And forget global warming, the ground wars all over, the death of the oceans, Pat Robertson, that shit. Those are annoyances,…
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11552
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When you sit long enoughthe low-lying scrubbegin to swaynot with the windbut of their own volition.It takes timefor them to trust youWhen you sit long enoughthe tree top brancheswelcome waves of fogand gently pushthe mist inland.It takes timefor the cloud-tide to rise.When…
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181732
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Homegirl wanted someone to love her so much they could suicide together.
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112721
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98910
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He was triply satisfied: he’d come twice and he was a damn good-looking man.
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108431
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The poppers, the Viagra, the chorizo – all had been ordered and all had arrived.
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1259183
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she peeled back
the white wrapper
from around her
ice cream sandwich
slowly, methodically
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94340
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Your clothes had been burned and your skin washed. They kept your boots at my firm insistence. I saw them write your name on the card. The card was black, and the ink was black. The writing was shallow and scratchy. The box they filed the card into was black and so…
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78900
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Tony's is just a hole in the wall since most people get their sandwiches to go. There's a skinny counter, which was last wiped down during the second Clinton administration, and three tiny tables crammed into a corner.
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114461
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Everybody will be talking about it
on campuses across the country
“Hey! You’ll never guess who’s toilet
I bought. I’m not shitting you!”
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15553616
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A forgotten sprinkler is going in a neglected flower garden, water overflowing the bent wood borders and flooding the ground on either side.
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1059111
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I imagined cool, wet clay oozing between my fingers when I'd squeeze a tight fistful.
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124410
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We're doomed as a species. The Zorks are coming to eat us. It all started when Joey Cacciatore, the dumbest crook in the history of the world, got Veetzers swarming like blowflies in 1972, and thereby ensured the upcoming…
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97100
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His senses were heightened. The scratching on the table with his finger nails, intense nervousness, the noise magnified every second, the ball point pen was piercing into his sweaty palm.
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96320
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It's going to be expensive, but it's booked and I am going to enjoy every single minute of it.
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335114
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Christian Bell can’t sleep in/on the following: airplanes, car trips, couches, first nights in hotels, jury duty holding area, commuter train, work breakroom, tent, park bench, the ground.
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1383103
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“No one likes an indecisive sexual partner.”
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96540
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I've been a fan of hagiography—the lives of the saints—since first grade when Claude Dunham and I were asked to represent St. Stephen and St. Sebastian, two martyrs of the early church, in a tableau vivant of bored boys.
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142500
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The Buffalo group together in herds and are massive, intimidating creatures. You get the impression that--if desired--they could easily orchestrate a plan to stop you atop a hillside, then ram your car over the edge.
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32502011
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Maybe you should consider a few more things before embarking upon actual rescue, like: Is the victim hot? Not stove hot, idiot. Beauty hot. Will this be a triumph to save this person (like perhaps they are some Nobel laureate), or are you risking you
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111554
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I would advise the younger you to change your underpants, and not to let those boys do the talking for you.
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9210
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Aftoer roenting for 11 yoears, the ownoers are soelling. I livoe with a poet. Thoeroe aroe no availabloe roentals that will loet moe koeoep him. I thought Carmoel was known to be poet-frioendly. Studioes show that poets hoelp poeople livoe longoer. Ploeasoe oexcusoe…
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131622
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I built the fence myself, strong and high and aesthetically pleasing. It was high enough to provide privacy on both sides, but from my bedroom balcony I could see everything. More than I wanted to see.
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127530
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“He looks funny again,” the twins would say. “Cow looks funny, Mummy.”
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146410
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This is about a mescaline trip that went wrong. It happened back in the '60s and I know, the '60s have been done quite to death and nobody ever gets the trip right but--you'll like this one. Joey and…
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115600
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Silence overtakes her, the bellowing has ceased. Curious, she thinks, could this be causation or merely correlation? Assuming the former, Hailey moves, swiftly, being sure only to place her weight down when red carpet is underneath her feet. This works.
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76710
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Researchers have successfully used Viagra, the male erectile dysfunction drug, to treat jet lag in hamsters. Reuters
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92900
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The man at the table was surrounded by an empty kitchen.Dishes were in the sink from the dinner before andEveryone had gone about their days early in the morning. They had left a board game out, scattered across the table,Life, plastic cars and plastic people, and a…
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85800
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