Most recent stories

Worth a Thousand Words

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He was triply satisfied: he’d come twice and he was a damn good-looking man.

Arrivals

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The poppers, the Viagra, the chorizo – all had been ordered and all had arrived.

I Scream

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she peeled back the white wrapper from around her ice cream sandwich slowly, methodically

That Does Me Good

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Your clothes had been burned and your skin washed. They kept your boots at my firm insistence. I saw them write your name on the card. The card was black, and the ink was black. The writing was shallow and scratchy. The box they filed the card into was black and so…

No Exit: Fantasy Football Edition

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Tony's is just a hole in the wall since most people get their sandwiches to go. There's a skinny counter, which was last wiped down during the second Clinton administration, and three tiny tables crammed into a corner.

J.D. Salinger's Toilet Put Up For Auction

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Everybody will be talking about it on campuses across the country “Hey! You’ll never guess who’s toilet I bought. I’m not shitting you!”

Dog Days

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A forgotten sprinkler is going in a neglected flower garden, water overflowing the bent wood borders and flooding the ground on either side.

Geisha Doll

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I imagined cool, wet clay oozing between my fingers when I'd squeeze a tight fistful.

How Veetzers Set Us Up For the Zorks

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We're doomed as a species. The Zorks are coming to eat us. It all started when Joey Cacciatore, the dumbest crook in the history of the world, got Veetzers swarming like blowflies in 1972, and thereby ensured the upcoming…

Freedom

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His senses were heightened. The scratching on the table with his finger nails, intense nervousness, the noise magnified every second, the ball point pen was piercing into his sweaty palm.

Short Terms Plans

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It's going to be expensive, but it's booked and I am going to enjoy every single minute of it.

Christian Bell vs. Sleep

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Christian Bell can’t sleep in/on the following: airplanes, car trips, couches, first nights in hotels, jury duty holding area, commuter train, work breakroom, tent, park bench, the ground.

Flush

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“No one likes an indecisive sexual partner.”

Handicapping the Saints

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I've been a fan of hagiography—the lives of the saints—since first grade when Claude Dunham and I were asked to represent St. Stephen and St. Sebastian, two martyrs of the early church, in a tableau vivant of bored boys.

How To Rescue A Drowning Man

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Maybe you should consider a few more things before embarking upon actual rescue, like: Is the victim hot? Not stove hot, idiot. Beauty hot. Will this be a triumph to save this person (like perhaps they are some Nobel laureate), or are you risking you

Dear Caddy

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I would advise the younger you to change your underpants, and not to let those boys do the talking for you.

Loettoer to the oEditor: Poet Frioendly Town?

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Aftoer roenting for 11 yoears, the ownoers are soelling. I livoe with a poet. Thoeroe aroe no availabloe roentals that will loet moe koeoep him. I thought Carmoel was known to be poet-frioendly. Studioes show that poets hoelp poeople livoe longoer. Ploeasoe oexcusoe…

Good Fences

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I built the fence myself, strong and high and aesthetically pleasing. It was high enough to provide privacy on both sides, but from my bedroom balcony I could see everything. More than I wanted to see.

Cow

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“He looks funny again,” the twins would say. “Cow looks funny, Mummy.”

Mescaline Blues

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This is about a mescaline trip that went wrong. It happened back in the '60s and I know, the '60s have been done quite to death and nobody ever gets the trip right but--you'll like this one. Joey and…

Monster

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Silence overtakes her, the bellowing has ceased. Curious, she thinks, could this be causation or merely correlation? Assuming the former, Hailey moves, swiftly, being sure only to place her weight down when red carpet is underneath her feet. This works.

Bumpy Ride Ahead As Jet-Lagged Hamsters Try Viagra

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Researchers have successfully used Viagra, the male erectile dysfunction drug, to treat jet lag in hamsters. Reuters

Plastic Cars, Plastic People

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The man at the table was surrounded by an empty kitchen.Dishes were in the sink from the dinner before andEveryone had gone about their days early in the morning. They had left a board game out, scattered across the table,Life, plastic cars and plastic people, and a…

Gauntlet

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They bury their own.

The Way is Dark, the Road Long

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The day I got out of prison the sun was shining.

Wild Dreams of Reality, Chapter 15

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Darrell looked at me, then down at himself. He was still in his wet underwear. "What is this?" he said, looking up again. "Where in the hell was I?" He shook his head. "It was weird, Philip. Boy, that was one wild dream." "That was no d

Thing To Do In Deptford When You're Dead.

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Velvet answered the door in a red leather dress that was made with just about enough material to make a wallet, and looking like a long limbed drink of water calling out to a thirsty man.

The Magic of Theater

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A blue oil lamp on the piano behind a screen where Hedda Gabler shoots herself in that last scene.The audience hears, but cannot see, the gunshot. An elderly man —— new to the play and totally caught up in the story —— audily gasps, "Oh my…

Park

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“It’s time we moved our relationship back into an upright position,” I said.

What Kiss

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The women were increasing their writing in the restroom. I asked you later why women only talk on restroom walls, and you said, why do men only talk on restroom walls? I told you as much as I could remember of what had been written.