Most read stories

ER Chronicles (3)

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In the shower she sees that her nipples are large and brown, feels the weight of her breasts in the hot water, and suddenly her hand is between her legs, seeking the pleasure that's always been denied her, always

Soap

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Jackson's a chocolate lab. I brought him home from the no-kill this morning. I've always wanted a dog, but I did it more for Wylie. We stand under the willow with the water running out the hose, Jackson, Wylie and I. Dandelions cover the…

Redux

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I peeled his tongue, word by contemptuous word, until he had nothing left but a scrappy shred of muscle flapping in his empty head...

Belonging

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Don’t eat your lunch here For this is where the monsters sit.

it snows

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I popped open the wine with a Nike shoelace, a trick I learned on the internet

Quitting

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If you outlive me, she said, it won't be because I smoke but because of what you put me through when you quit.

One More Thing

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The second thing Annie Riser did after receiving her diagnosis was to find a realtor in the Yellow Pages and put her house up for sale.

Lunkers

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We’re friends and all but we’re just me and him friends, we’re not the kind of friends that you bring to supper.

Dog Park

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We met an old friend and his old dog. We went off leash on the lush Buffalo grass. He and I—this old friend, I mean—talked mostly of divorce, something we shared between us.

The Tortoise in the Hair

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Pete told me, honest to God, that the first night he had that tortoise back home with him, he woke up the next morning bald. The damn thing had eaten off all his hair. So then Pete figured he'd strike up a deal with Clarence Magee, the barber.

From the Notebook of John T. Cacciopo: A Brief Biography of Ann Coulter

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"When Roach # 7845 awoke this evening, she found herself transformed into Ann Coulter. "

Life Without a Heart

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isn't so hard to imagine if you can just squint through the minutes like a good McGoo, slog through the headline happy seasons and sleep at it most of the day. It only hurts real bad whenever you try to carry off a roaring laughter…

Some Nature Haiku

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The proud, burly tree / Rests on the now crashed TV / Thanks a lot, nature

The Boundary Line

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These things were indeed the wealth of our respective nations.

Circularity (Act 1)

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Ian Markham stood before the massive triangular window of Circularity's pyramidal office building. Its Technicolor hologram, a coup in advertising sloganeering, urgently flashed the company's ubiquitous tagline—IT'S NOT JUST AN ADVENTURE. IT'S A SECOND CHANCE! …

Deep Pockets

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Garage-sale variety olive-green corduroy, elbow patches, hems too short. His jacket pocket produced answers one afternoon like strips of paper from cracked fortune cookies.

Égalité in Equal Measures

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Guillaume and Marcel rolled the headless body into its own wicker basket and were conferring with Lorbert about the disposition of the bodies and their heads, when Marcel noticed a short fellow with a grim sneer and a measuring rod . . .

pass

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she waits

Blossoms and Buds

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not enough of us / destroy / what we create

Kill Allan

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I still want to kill Allan, because he now is unseen

The Shield

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The girl has big tits for only being fourteen. She leans in the passenger side window of my car and asks me for a bag of ten Oxycontin.She has no clue what I could do to her right now, that I'm a cop and could bring her ass up on charges if I wanted to. I want to do…

Duet for Two Instruments of Indefinite Pitch

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A full moon in the morning sky, the sun hasn't bothered to rise and why should it, see how unnecessary it is, left over from a sleepless night, it stayed there, in suspense, waiting to see what you could possibly get up to next. A patron saint for lost ca

The Olivetti, the Bomb, and Why I Got My Degree in Economics

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The revolution. It found me, and I didn’t even get blown by the bomb.

Again

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Their footsteps stopped suddenly, leaving them staring at one another across the bleak expanse of playground at south Los Angeles' Gompers Middle School. His uniform's white polo shirt felt too restrictive as he watched her budding solar plexus rise and f

Santa’s stuck

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The lard-arsed ol’bastard struggling soot-faced and yelling. . . .

Thanksgiving

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Ted rose and began searching cushions of the bad furniture in his loft (Monte's loft, if you thought in terms of leases and rent and who had his shit together). Three shineless quarters in the yellow vinyl chair, a dime in the heater, nineteen cents in t

Remember Me to the Motherland

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When Igor stepped inside the capsule, he had two thoughts: the cramped tin can would either become his victory chariot, or his funeral casket.

Conceived in the New Liberty

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Each mobile unit carried an Alsetex grenade launcher for dispersing tear gas. Any group of five or more people was deemed suspicious and immediately dispersed by roving patrols.

Only in America

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Mullah Omar was quoted as saying that “America will fall to the ground.” The extinction of America will come about if God is willing.

Confessions of a Non-Believer

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Closing my eyes, I try to breathe it all in, absorb the divine presence that is supposed to be here. Faith by osmosis. I guess it doesn’t work that way. God has to be here. Why else would these people be here? Why else would the congregation return w