“At least you won. Better you broke his thumb than he broke yours.”

I came upon a house There were two doors On one a sign said: Beware of Dog On the other a sign read: Beware of God I didn’t know which Door was worse It was like a Double curse

I watched daytime TV. Small claims court. Judge Wapner. There was trouble in all sectors of paradise. Dogs fled. The sign that said Free HBO lied. The Happy Meals always came with repeat toys. My toothbrush with the Incredible Hulk was back in the trailer

A pig weighing nearly 300 pounds was discovered in the back of a wrecked car in Youngstown, Ohio. The car, a Nissan Cube, was totaled, but Penelope the pig was unscathed. The car, which belongs to Wendy Thrasher, Penelope's owner, was apparently stolen

“...where Lincoln ate.” “Here? In this room?”

“My name is unimportant. What is important is that as a representative of the Worldwide Action Coalition Klux of Oligarchists I'm here to relay information.”

He asked what I used for birth control and I told him, “prayer”. He smiled the kind of smile you smile at young girls who don’t know any better.

“Nobody's gonna believe the satire bit,” she said. “And even if they do they'll check it out anyway. You know they will.”