Big Pig News
by Jerry Ratch
A pig weighing nearly 300 pounds was discovered in the back of a wrecked car in Youngstown, Ohio. The car, a Nissan Cube, was totaled, but Penelope the pig was unscathed.
The car, which belongs to Wendy Thrasher, Penelope's owner, was apparently stolen while Thrasher was visiting a friend in Youngstown. When police discovered the car on Monday afternoon, the front end was badly damaged, the two front tires were flat and the air bags had been deployed. Oh, and there was a huge pig hanging out in the back.
The Youngstown Vindicator reports that the car was towed with the pig still inside. Thrasher was distressed to see her car totaled but delighted to learn her pig was safe. Thrasher explained that she's had Penelope since the pig was just 3 days old. "We have human kids," Thrasher said, "I love her (Penelope) every bit as much as the human ones."
Thrasher said, "[Penelope] is a little weirded out right now. Whoever stole the car, I'm wondering if that's why they wrecked it."
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Author's Note
other news
I wonder if a fave makes me complicit in the dissemination of plagiarized news. let's try. the story is worth it.
I learned from watching noir movies to ALWAYS look in the back seat before climbing behind the wheel. *
There's a New Journalism feel here that makes me 1) sympathize with Penelope, and 2) personify her to the point that the wrecker's feelings mean less to me than the pig's.
Ha.
Being 'in the trade', I feel compelled to write a headline for this news nugget.
Pig Mystery In Youngstown - the local paper's version.
Porky Drives Himself Round The Bend - tabloid version.
Good stuff Jerry
Big Pig News was another possibility. Or just Pig News.
Surprise! Or Let the Pig Drive.
How bout:
Don't Go Hoggin The Wheel."