Stories tagged flash-fiction

The Beethoven Delusion

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"It is my argument that a pious fraud has been perpetrated so as to subject mankind to the most humiliating of intellectual enslavements."

Dear England, Please Send Me A Redheaded Boy

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Dear England, Please send me a redheaded boy, fire-red, please. We have one girl aflame but the others are stone yellow or dark as the sea. The flames are so easy to spot from afar.

The House-Sitter

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Men she walks by gesture at their crotches. “You want a piece o’that?” they ask. “No, not really,” she responds. Lately though, she has been dreaming a lot about food.

Whole Day Off

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Boswell Meets The Subterrans

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He bounds like a lunar explorer into the Edinburgh Castle, the goofy porcelain busts glaring at him with contempt.

The Philosophers' Problems

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The day the thinking factory imploded everyone for miles knew there was a problem. The sound of the walls crumbling in upon themselves was heard for miles, or perhaps it wasn't.

Destiny Narrowly Avoided

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Then it started extruding tendrils and tying them all into intricate knots.


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They stride the earth of their own accord, knocking down bridges, buildings— obliterating whole towns with each pendulous swing...

His Disposition

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"Oh, God. What do we say?..."

Nervous Energy

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This is what you have to do to keep the unruly parts of your brain from open revolt.

Sailor's Visa

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He's got a rager for Casablanca, the old Bogart and Bergman classic. I can't snap him out of it.

The Scrubber

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Suddenly the backpack seemed awkward in its insouciant assumptions.

Scrawls From My Blue Period

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The following was written under disagreeable circumstances, in that I was present for them.

Samuel Stoltzfus’ Divining Plate

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It’s true that there are many accounts of fascinating Amish dinnerware, but none is more interesting than Samuel Stoltzfus’ Divining Plate, forged in 1881.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

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One of the women is a brassy blonde, and when she takes off her coat, I almost choke on a french fry. She's wearing a t-shirt with some writing on it. "Good girls do bad things," it says.