Most read stories

Florid Psychosis

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I bought / a radio embroidered with pearls

One-Way Ticket

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Margaret and I are going to Chicago. Everything we do this morning feels final, as if we are doing it for the last time, which is probably true.

Danëh

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Freedom comes with a price

The I Hate to Fuck Book

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Some women, it is said, like to fuck. This book--The I Hate to Fuck Book--is not for them.

Meryl Streep Laughed at That

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The boys' mother lived in a house two lawns from his, but she wouldn't bring him ice packs; she had her period, she said.

(Like a Pop Song) This is the Head of a Sunflower

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This is the head of a sunflower as well as the butt of a beetle as well as the membrane with its busy veins of traffic between sky and cloud as well as the upside down skeleton of a raindrop as well as the groove twisting in a line around your sweet kissable…

Cellini's Salt Cellar

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An old man writes the story of his life into a book.

A House

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an after-thought of scattered pines

Dizzy

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It’s never good to get arrested on an empty stomach.

Pieces of Lou, part 1

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Camper Stacks arrived at the offices of BURN magazine on January 14, 1989 in a state of unaccustomed joy: Lou Reed was going down.

Fragment from an Untelevised Revolution

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My wife has gone in Laos to translate foreign tongues, and I await the day when I too may leave.

Men Don't Leave Me

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He didn’t hug me. He didn’t hug any of us. Instead, he shook my hand, his grip so firm I felt the bones of my hands crumbling in on themselves.

A Caregiver's Homage To The Very Old

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When you take her grocery shopping take a list and make her stick to it as she forgets and duplicates a lot She is also very generous and will insist on buying you something I think she cannot live without fresh flowers or plants that are bl

It's a Boy!

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Sex when you’re pregnant Is like sex when you aren’t Pregnant, but with extra people.

Corn Porn (Uncle Pete Goes A’ Ploughin’ with Another Consentin’ Adult)

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When the sun saw what they was doin’, it slipped behind a sexy cloud and turned a blind eye.

Pubicly Humiliated

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I was a late bloomer in the pubic department. I used to stare at myself, practically counting the little blonde hairs that never grew and refused to darken.

My Search for The First Snowman

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This was my quest for over 6 years. It would deplete my bank account, test my marriage and get me in with a lot cool celebrities.

The Body of a Cow

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It’s Halloween in veterinary school. The large-animal vet who is lecturing today on introductory nomenclature in bovine medicine is dressed in full Holstein uniform. His entire body is cloaked in white cloth, with black patches sewed on and a three-dim

Good Girls, Bad Boys, and Porn

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We’ve all heard the stereotype of good girls wanting bad boys. It’s been studied, ranted about, and capitalized on. Hell, Disney has built a kingdom off the Princess Who Lusts for Adventure and Falls for Rebel Guy with Supreme Confidence storyline.

Unmailed Letter to B'go

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I really detest dating that leads to sex=ownership or to the expectation of it. The men are so quietly demanding, authoritarian, pushy. Who are these nice fuckers? Strays a'hounding. I want to tell them: I have friends, real friends with art agendas.

The Telescope

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The man meets a woman while out on his lunch break. She seems nice; they strike up a conversation. Before leaving, the woman gives the man her telephone number. The man goes home and thinks about it. It’s been a long time since he’s been on a date.

Confessions of an I.R.A. Terrorist

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Most of us are just ordinary mutts with no gift for writing, nothing like Joyce James [or] any of those...

To Be Young and In Love

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We were in her boyfriend’s room in the middle of the night. I was seated on the bed, and she was on the carpet poking holes in his condoms. We were doing it in the dark, to prepare for any contingency. The room smelled like old laundry and body spray.

Piece of Mind

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Samuel wondered if Megan could hear the brains humming, but like so many of the questions Samuel had for Megan, it was difficult to find the right moment to ask.

See?

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Arise, ye masses, arise!

Robert Kennedy Remembered by Jean Baudrillard

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K is eating a banana. He says to me, "There is no end in the sense that God is dead, or history is dead. I would prefer not to play the role of a thoroughly useless prophet. I leave that to others, like Gene McCarthy."

Congratulations On Your New Diagnosis! (Greeting Cards for People With Mental Problems)

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First published on www.humortimes.com

Summer At Lake Elsinore

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Bess spent the summer that year at a lakeside court in Lake Elsinore. They told her she only had to spend three months there, before she was allowed to have a spot of her own at the nudist camp. Just three months. But Lake Elsinore seemed like something

Gas Making You Sick?

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It was a sore molar that was giving me trouble, on the bottom right. The dentist, about whose adulterous affairs everybody in the neighborhood knew and whispered about, ts-ts-ts'ed me and murmured "decay" before pulling out the drill.

The Big Dipper

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She was proud of her breasts, which were large, adult size. I didn't have any breasts yet, but the doctor said not to worry.