5362 5 3
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This is what magic feels like. Excitement. Clarity. Danger. Justice.
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53383210
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When you take her grocery shopping
take a list and make her stick to it
as she forgets and duplicates a lot
She is also very generous
and will insist on buying you something
I think she cannot live without fresh flowers
or plants that are bl
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532021
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Freedom comes with a price
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52782920
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Some women, it is said, like to fuck.
This book--The I Hate to Fuck Book--is not for them.
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5262138
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"Life's Little Instruction Book." There are some words of wisdom here that I plan to ignore.
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526055
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Camper Stacks arrived at the offices of BURN magazine on January 14, 1989 in a state of unaccustomed joy: Lou Reed was going down.
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52571212
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We got this new group man--it's dynamite! I'm up front--no more bass--just front man--and this cat Jack on lead and Stokes the drummer and this outasight piano--he used to be with the Dead--
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524913066
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an after-thought of scattered pines
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518782
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An old man writes the story of his life into a book.
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51811817
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Sex when you’re pregnant
Is like sex when you aren’t
Pregnant, but with extra people.
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5180915
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Margaret and I are going to Chicago. Everything we do this morning feels final, as if we are doing it for the last time, which is probably true.
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51404123
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I really detest dating that leads to sex=ownership or to the expectation of it. The men are so quietly demanding, authoritarian, pushy. Who are these nice fuckers? Strays a'hounding. I want to tell them: I have friends, real friends with art agendas.
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5137113
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The man meets a woman while out on his lunch break. She seems nice; they strike up a conversation. Before leaving, the woman gives the man her telephone number. The man goes home and thinks about it.
It’s been a long time since he’s been on a date.
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51283118
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He didn’t hug me. He didn’t hug any of us. Instead, he shook my hand, his grip so firm I felt the bones of my hands crumbling in on themselves.
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50894016
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Most of us are just ordinary mutts with no gift for writing, nothing like Joyce James [or] any of those...
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50593220
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It’s never good to get arrested on an empty stomach.
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504365
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When the sun saw what they was doin’, it slipped behind a sexy cloud and turned a blind eye.
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50221215
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My wife has gone in Laos to translate foreign tongues, and I await the day when I too may leave.
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501562
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I was a late bloomer in the pubic department. I used to stare at myself, practically counting the little blonde hairs that never grew and refused to darken.
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4994510
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It’s Halloween in veterinary school. The large-animal vet who is lecturing today on introductory nomenclature in bovine medicine is dressed in full Holstein uniform. His entire body is cloaked in white cloth, with black patches sewed on and a three-dim
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498398
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Samuel wondered if Megan could hear the brains humming, but like so many of the questions Samuel had for Megan, it was difficult to find the right moment to ask.
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49583914
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493664
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K is eating a banana. He says to me, "There is no end in the sense that God is dead, or history is dead. I would prefer not to play the role of a thoroughly useless prophet. I leave that to others, like Gene McCarthy."
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492461
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I decided to cheat on my husband the day the washing machine broke. It was Darrell's fault, anyway. If he hadn't tried to wash the dog in the Maytag, none of this would've happened. It just goes to show that a man who forsakes the normal use of a househol
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49201411
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We were in her boyfriend’s room in the middle of the night. I was seated on the bed, and she was on the carpet poking holes in his condoms. We were doing it in the dark, to prepare for any contingency. The room smelled like old laundry and body spray.
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491844
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This was my quest for over 6 years. It would deplete my bank account, test my marriage and get me in with a lot cool celebrities.
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49144536
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She said she wanted to find a man who could appreciate a woman who gave great head.
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48865919
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First published on www.humortimes.com
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48783226
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Time advances. One space between words, two between sentences. When I'm not working, I rehearse the language of newspapers: teez, pica, reefer, jump, hed, sig.
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486620
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We’ve all heard the stereotype of good girls wanting bad boys. It’s been studied, ranted about, and capitalized on. Hell, Disney has built a kingdom off the Princess Who Lusts for Adventure and Falls for Rebel Guy with Supreme Confidence storyline.
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