5110 43 33
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I bought / a radio embroidered with pearls
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5096 9 15
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Margaret and I are going to Chicago. Everything we do this morning feels final, as if we are doing it for the last time, which is probably true.
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5086 2 1
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Freedom comes with a price
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5064 29 20
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Some women, it is said, like to fuck.
This book--The I Hate to Fuck Book--is not for them.
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5040 52 30
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The boys' mother lived in a house two lawns from his, but she wouldn't bring him ice packs; she had her period, she said.
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5034 61 38
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This is the head of a sunflower as well as the butt of a beetle as well as the membrane with its busy veins of traffic between sky and cloud as well as the upside down skeleton of a raindrop as well as the groove twisting in a line around your sweet kissable…
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5022 8 2
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An old man writes the story of his life into a book.
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5013 130 66
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an after-thought of scattered pines
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4999 32 20
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It’s never good to get arrested on an empty stomach.
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4950 5 5
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Camper Stacks arrived at the offices of BURN magazine on January 14, 1989 in a state of unaccustomed joy: Lou Reed was going down.
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4930 12 15
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My wife has gone in Laos to translate foreign tongues, and I await the day when I too may leave.
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4922 31 18
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He didn’t hug me. He didn’t hug any of us. Instead, he shook my hand, his grip so firm I felt the bones of my hands crumbling in on themselves.
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4885 32 10
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When you take her grocery shopping
take a list and make her stick to it
as she forgets and duplicates a lot
She is also very generous
and will insist on buying you something
I think she cannot live without fresh flowers
or plants that are bl
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4883 18 17
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Sex when you’re pregnant
Is like sex when you aren’t
Pregnant, but with extra people.
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4873 6 5
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When the sun saw what they was doin’, it slipped behind a sexy cloud and turned a blind eye.
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4866 6 2
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I was a late bloomer in the pubic department. I used to stare at myself, practically counting the little blonde hairs that never grew and refused to darken.
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4857 4 4
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This was my quest for over 6 years. It would deplete my bank account, test my marriage and get me in with a lot cool celebrities.
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4826 5 10
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It’s Halloween in veterinary school. The large-animal vet who is lecturing today on introductory nomenclature in bovine medicine is dressed in full Holstein uniform. His entire body is cloaked in white cloth, with black patches sewed on and a three-dim
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4814 2 0
|
We’ve all heard the stereotype of good girls wanting bad boys. It’s been studied, ranted about, and capitalized on. Hell, Disney has built a kingdom off the Princess Who Lusts for Adventure and Falls for Rebel Guy with Supreme Confidence storyline.
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4809 41 23
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I really detest dating that leads to sex=ownership or to the expectation of it. The men are so quietly demanding, authoritarian, pushy. Who are these nice fuckers? Strays a'hounding. I want to tell them: I have friends, real friends with art agendas.
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4801 11 3
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The man meets a woman while out on his lunch break. She seems nice; they strike up a conversation. Before leaving, the woman gives the man her telephone number. The man goes home and thinks about it.
It’s been a long time since he’s been on a date.
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4707 40 16
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Most of us are just ordinary mutts with no gift for writing, nothing like Joyce James [or] any of those...
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4657 14 11
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We were in her boyfriend’s room in the middle of the night. I was seated on the bed, and she was on the carpet poking holes in his condoms. We were doing it in the dark, to prepare for any contingency. The room smelled like old laundry and body spray.
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4640 9 8
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Samuel wondered if Megan could hear the brains humming, but like so many of the questions Samuel had for Megan, it was difficult to find the right moment to ask.
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4639 39 14
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4632 6 4
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K is eating a banana. He says to me, "There is no end in the sense that God is dead, or history is dead. I would prefer not to play the role of a thoroughly useless prophet. I leave that to others, like Gene McCarthy."
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4627 59 19
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First published on www.humortimes.com
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4602 0 0
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Bess spent the summer that year at a lakeside court in Lake Elsinore. They told her she only had to spend three months there, before she was allowed to have a spot of her own at the nudist camp. Just three months. But Lake Elsinore seemed like something
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4601 19 12
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It was a sore molar that was giving me trouble, on the bottom right. The dentist, about whose adulterous affairs everybody in the neighborhood knew and whispered about, ts-ts-ts'ed me and murmured "decay" before pulling out the drill.
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4581 68 41
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She was proud of her breasts, which were large, adult size. I didn't have any breasts yet, but the doctor said not to worry.
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