by Jack Swenson
Love Birds
I tell Max I don't remember what my wife and I argued about. We sit in the library and drink bourbon and listen to music. Later, Max tells one of his guests to show me her legs. She is a tall, dark-eyed beauty. I tell the girl that her laugh is full of sunshine. Max fancies that he can look into a woman's eyes and see her soul. Later the three of us lie on a bed in the moonlight, and I touch the nipples of her tiny breasts with the thumb and pinkie of one hand. The morning I leave Fargo to go back to sunny California it is twelve degrees below zero. That night when I get home, the bedroom is dark, and my wife is already asleep.
Post Time
"Who do you like in the sixth at Pimlico?" the fat man asked. I looked up at a black sky filled with stars and tried to spot my lucky one. After dinner we sat on the balcony until it got too cool, and then we moved inside. I mingled with the other guests, chatted with my wife's friend Peggy. I placed a glass of champagne in her hand. Missed opportunities: they follow you around, I said. She put her arms around my neck and whispered something in my ear. She said she wanted to find a man who could appreciate a woman who gave great head. I told her about my nightmares.
A Grave Matter
You nibbled a potato chip, peeled a grape. You said you were going to have a D & C, and you would need a ride home. At the table next to ours, a slender man in a suit and tie was commiserating with a balding man with a walrus moustache. Later you sat on my bed wearing nothing but your hat and rummaged through your purse. You told me that the score never interested you, only the game. At the gravesite the next day we stood far back and watched while they planted your lover. I scanned the mourners and wondered which one was his wife. That afternoon the fog rolled in early. In the morning my resentments were back. They were lined up on my window sill like fat little birds.
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The Lazy Writer takes lines from his old stories and makes new stories out of them.
The last line really resonated with me, Jack.
So much back story hinted at without intrusion throughout. Liked the headings too.
fav
ps how's the cat hearding going?
Interesting. I like how the story comes in snapshots.
I am fond of your stories, the action in reading them, and would read them in various settings. I like listing in stories, and this does that. The impression the shorts create singly and together is sleek.
*
Jack, I enjoyed these three glimpses into the narrator's life and the way they allude to something more beyond.
Well, maybe it's a lazy man at work taking old lines and reworking them...
But these snapshots of a man at sea, really, that is how I see the narrator... engaging in a tryst, whispering to his "wife's friend Peggy" about missed opportunities, going to a funeral with his lover, who is burying her own lover....
Love connections all, and yet the narrator is always perched on the fence... an observer, sometimes a participant, but it's what he sees that interests him most - the involvement is almost secondary.
Really interesting.
Superb stuff. You should do this more.
'In the morning my resentments were back. They were lined up on my window sill like fat little birds. ' - damn, that's just great stuff.
Good stuff, bang-bang, no letup, and surprising too. "I told her about my nightmares" is great. Fav.
I don't even know what you did here, but I am under a major spell. Love. lovelovelove this in its entirely just exactly how it is. It makes perfect sense and no rational sense at all, and therefore to me it is perfect. ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES.
Great one, Jack. Evocative snapshots. Tight but extremely descriptive.
This is absolutely stunning work, Jack. Love the pieces both separate and yet, together they are fantastic also. Such inspiration!
Another good one.
Very very nice, Jack
Resentments like fat little birds - Brilliant.
I too like the fat little birds.. there were some cliches that stuck out at the beginning "woman's eyes and see her soul" "laugh full of sunshine" but like the little vignettes fun and easiness reminds me of Updike's "Couples"
'She said she wanted to find a man who could appreciate a woman who gave great head. I told her about my nightmares...' Made me laugh.
The three separate parts seem to unroll in this calmly harmonious way.
Fav.
Love this. The closing lines of the last two pieces are especially powerful, the way they almost disconnect from the larger piece, but stay there at the same time.
Jack, I love your mastery of short, perfectly worded sentences. Economy, passion and lordy day the nipples. Thanks for your stories.
This has a diary's attractive dislocations and the rhythms of a first-rate journal. Feels like Bukowski strained through Kundera. Just my style. Fav.
Good work, Jack.
incredible how many strongly crafted images you present in these 3 woven micros, the thumb/pinkie, the Pimlico-fat man, arms around the neck whispers, my fave...."a slender man in a suit and tie was commiserating with a balding man with a walrus moustache" and the grape peeling nameless lover/widow-lover. This is all stark and serious stuff, but at the same time levitating with a noirish good humor. The sections are delicately threaded together and then the ending...the fog draped resentments as unflighted birds on a sill, (the important detail) on the outside, looking in.
today was my lucky day. I was at Susans house when she showed me your books. I have completely fallen in love with your flash fiction. Read the whole book and hope she will be kind enough to let me read the others.
You go to better parties than I do.
I loved the cliches, spoken by the characters. It contrasts well with the narrators original use of words.
The disconnectedness between these stories really works as a whole; I love the way we get three very different stories yet they make up something large and perhaps hard to really understand. Even the character himself probably doesn't understand it all. But we have these amazing descriptive sentences -- the fat man at Pimlico, tiny nipples, peeled grapes -- and that precision brings us in and keeps us there. Even makes us want more. I really like how you do that.
If you're going to steal, Jack - only steal from the best as you've done here.
Your writing is always in a straight line, Jack - You carve through mountains, bridge gorges, make safety lines across rivers... Just wonderful:
"I scanned the mourners and wondered which one was his wife. That afternoon the fog rolled in early. In the morning my resentments were back. They were lined up on my window sill like fat little birds."
A great set.
Good grief! Thanks to all of you! I didn't anticipate such a response to my patchwork stories. You are all very kind. And I suspect a little daft!
"She said she wanted to find a man who could appreciate a woman who gave great head."
(raising hand)
fat little birds
good work
clearly late here but so glad i'm here -- this is really something, jack. SO SO GOOD.
you done did it dude--
made a story from bits and pieces of buried treasure
is a fine warm thing from your hand
I give this two hearts. It kind of whacked me in the face - I enjoyed it very much (is what I mean to say).
That last line--wow. I loved this.
I also loved your author's note and love that process of finding homes for orphan lines.
You have so many comments...here's mine tossed into the mix.
I really like the contrast of these two sentences: "She said she wanted to find a man who could appreciate a woman who gave great head. I told her about my nightmares."
The first is a bit light, humorous (to me at least) and the second very serious...made me pause a few seconds before continuing.
The score never interested me, Jack, only the game. But you've got a darn good score here as well as an entertaining three story game.
Jack, can you write a whole slim novel of these? Please? I watched a movie the other night, The Crossing Guard, with Jack Nicholson, and it's loaded with pain and sex and disconnection like this fine work of yours.
I'm normally not a fan of disconnection, or short pieces broken up like this but the writing and the impact of the the bits pack a powerful punch. Nice.
Obviously, three facets of a diamond. Three well thought-out vignettes. Kudos to the Viking!
There is a thread, a theme, running throughout, disconnection notwithstanding. I'm sure it was a fun excercise, I enjoyed reading it.
Linked to this from Dr. Doom. Liked this so much more, especially the hard edges between the dissolute actions and the anxious mental states.
I also liked the fat little birds and how you told just enough for us to see the sexuality without becoming pornographic. Nicely done.
I am glad you rediscovered these little bits and put them together for us. It seems to me after reading, that the missed opportunities can be as haunting as the ones we take advantage of.
You had me at the title, Jack. Engrossing trio of writing McNuggets. Non-fattening, too. *
I love the second paragraph. It's very vivid for me.
Goodness, Jack, what a story! The last line, of course, but many others, too, including the first one. I think I may have to use that one myself. :-) *
a disturbing story, with the indiscretions, and the ending image is haunting.