The Birds
by Jack Swenson
Her sister is a mess, my wife says. All she did was pop pills and drink. My wife says she is just like their father, an alky who quit drinking but spent his golden years zoned out on prescription drugs.
The next morning she is up when I get up. I wander into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. “What are you doing up so early?” I ask. She paws at her face. “Spot?” I ask. She nods. Spot is the name of one of our cats. He doesn't like it when people sleep late.
My wife tells me to go take a look outside. I ask why. She points skyward. I step out onto the deck and look up. A tree next to our house is full of silent blackbirds. My wife comes up behind me and puts her arms around me. She whispers into my back. “They're massing,” she says.
|
19
favs |
2245 views
32 comments |
201 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
One at a time this go 'round.
Other stories by Jack Swenson
Tags
Groups
-
FLASH PARTY
Public group50 members
so much happening here, such control. ominous on all fronts. love this, Jack.
Jack - this captures the feeling after watching that film. Very unsettling, and that comes through. It’s and underrated film - and its impact on viewers and filmmakers persists.
Three birds or more and it's Bodega Bay all over again. Good job here.
Perfect and simple. Just how I like 'em. Thanks for the story, Jack!
This is what I so admire about these very short stories: how much you reveal in such a short space.
My comment melted away again. I believe what I said was something about capturing the communication of a relationship here. There's the final gesture of pointing out trouble even as she puts her arms around him. So nice.
every line is necessary. I can see inside this, the language is so deceptively plain, the physical world, the animals, mirroring everything. the last line is startling.
Nice and subtle with the perfect addition of the film within. The humor/pathos of bringing someone to a "sinister" place when she a drug problem is a clever touch.
Great one, Jack.
So well-written, Jack. The mood jumps at me, gives me no choice.
Another great little short. Wonderfully and mysteriously dark.
wonderful, jack. so well observed. by starting with hitchcock, you already have a page turner on your side as a prequel to your story before it has even begun. because of the paragraph on sister and father this reads like a commentary on the dark powers of addiction. powerful stuff. stars amassing now around your head.
Jack, this is an interesting story with a great sexy ending that is also wistful. Like this a lot
Spare, taut, measured and then wham! that closing image and what the wife does/says...the earlier intimations of vulnerability and isolation through the sister/father and their own marriage perhaps...all of what was shown and not told, explodes out of this tiny 200 word story, like the birds' instinct for joined safety, their communal roost poised for dispersal...that's what haunts me here because of the Hitchcock...are you more scared when the birds mass together or when they burst apart? FAVO!
I love your story, sadness and happiness. Thanks for that.
Beautiful imagery!
a tremendous last line to a tight little piece. nice work.
oh, i like this Jack!
good stuff, jack...a few edits below
“What are you doing up so early?” ((I ask.)) She paws at her face. “Spot?” ((I ask.)) She nods. ((Spot is the name of one of our cats.)) OUR CAT SPOT ((He)) doesn't like it when people sleep late.
My wife tells me to go take a look outside. ((I ask why.)) "Why?" She points skyward. I step out onto the deck and look up. A tree next to our house is full of silent blackbirds. My wife ((comes up behind me and)) puts her arms around me. She whispers into my back. “They're massing((,)).” ((she says))
Some of the "she says" and other things took away from the power of this piece, to me at least. It's great stuff, especially the last line. Ending on "massing" is stronger than "says."
oh and as a kid the first movie that ever scared the crap out of me was "the birds." still remember staying over at todd ellis's house and staying up to watch on a little tv. i could barely sleep that night.
Thanks, Dave. Jeez, 15 stars without the edits. I hate to mess with that! It must be my day in barrel. Somebody else told me that at the end of one of my stories I wandered into the woods!
This is excellent, I really love it - a great quirkiness mixed with poignancy and, as with all excellent flash fiction, a whole world in a few paragraphs!
Really liked this. Definite undertones of creepiness here, which feel good on a Monday morning.
Very unsettling, wholly entertaining. Color me impressed.
Wonderful. Those last three lines together make the story domestic and breathtaking at once. When I read the story for the second time, I thought of that thing in Conrad--I can't remember if he says it or has Marlow say it--about how the meaning of a tale isn't "in" it but rises up from it like a mist above it.
Unsettling is the perfect word for this. Takes skill to do that with this kind of subtlety.
I love the mood of the cat pawing her awake as warning and the anxiety of the the cat owners. The prey becoming the menace is excellent, just like the movie.
Read "Hollywood Babylon" to find the true menace behind the scenes of "The Birds."
Fabulous, eerie brevity. I want it to be a film teaser...
Jack -- you do so much with so little. I particularly love the silent blackbirds but I love this all.
In such a short story, characters have leaped up and a strong unsettling feeling emerged. I love it! Fav!
I enjoyed the way this built to the end, with clean lines and dark edges and blackbirds at the close.
This is beautiful, thanks. There are, yes, many things going on, and the last line, that they're massing, brings it together nicely.
loved this one, Jack!!!