by Jack Swenson
Mimi and Nancy are sisters. They are immigrants from Vietnam. They do manicures and massage. They make a living; indeed, they do very well. They have a nice little shop on the Main Street of a suburb south of the Big City. Most but not all of their customers are women. It's the other ones—the men—who give them trouble. The men want their toenails clipped. They pay for the “special massage.” The massage is just that—a back rub. Inevitably the men are disappointed; they want more. Sometimes they get angry when they don't get what they want.
Nancy and Mimi keep a loaded .357 magnum in a drawer in the back room. If a customer gives them a lot of trouble, they open the drawer and take out the gun. The gun is heavy. The tiny women hold it in both hands. Generally, having a weapon the size of a cannon pointed at him is enough to discourage a troublesome customer. His eyes get big, and he vacates the premises. So far, the girls have never had to fire a round.
They would, though, if push came to shove. They are friendly and peaceful people. They pay their taxes; they are kind to small animals. But when they were little more than tots, they crossed the South China Sea in a tiny boat. They helped fend off pirates. They were armed then, too. Mimi shot a man between the eyes when he boarded their boat. Her father killed the others with an automatic weapon.
They are grown women now, but they are little and men are big. Most are bigger and stronger than they are, but not nearly as tough. When a man exits the back room and goes hurriedly out the door, Mimi follows and washes her hands at one of the sinks. She exchanges a glance with her sister. The women smile.
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My favorite weapon. Lots of pop in a .357. And please weigh in on the "tots" controversy! My choice of words has caused quite a stir.
Nothing more satisfying about a big gun than when the look of it is enough to do the job.
Smiling fave
Fine work, as always, Jack. "tots" didn't work for me though. Tight and compelling piece, bro
Good voice, Jack. "They would, though, if push came to shove. They are friendly and peaceful ladies. They pay their taxes; they are kind to small animals. But when they were little more than tots, they crossed the South China Sea in a tiny boat."
I like it.
Jack, ya know "tots" didn't bother me until MD brought it up. Toddlers maybe? Surely not moppets or pre-schoolers. Little ones? Love pieces like this. So well constructed, telling so much in so few words. but then I'm always partial to your work. . .fave
Sucks you in quickly. Takes you far. Brings you back safely. Good work.
Good story. Not keen on 'tots' either. Think maybe you could drop the 'weapon' after 'automatic', it upset the rhythm a little - though maybe that's just because I read a lot of crime fiction. Like these ladies, like this piece. Well done.
Loved it, Jack. "Tots" goes with the clipped no-nonsense voice, so I'm not sure how I feel. It didn't stop my reading.
I think it has to be "tots". The only other syn. with the same feel is "tykes", which will open up another whole controversy (btw since I have recently been across the pond, I am accenting the "trov")In any case!! this piece sneaks up on me, like so many of your stories,then a tight grip just like theirs on the gun.
I like the clipped sentences and the characters just doing what they need to do. Not sure about "tots." Maybe "toddlers," or drop the little and use "children"? *
tot, as a word, does not match the quality of your writing. That's all I meant. It's a Marry Poppins type of word.
"But when they were little more than tots"
"little more than" are unnecessary words.
Mary Poppins? Who dat?
Yeah. Who's Mary Poppins?
"Tots" is an old school british word, right? Didn't disrupt my reading at the time - in fact the "small" before "animals" did more so - but to examine it does make me think...
Would the sister's use this word? Why does the narrator? Because he's british? Because he's foppish? Er, stylized?
While I might go with "little more than children," which calls less attention to itself than "tots," what would Jack Swenson do?
Tots, obvi.
According to the AHD, a tot is either a small child or a small amount. There is no slang marker. The AHD is never wrong.
Jack,
Love these two women!!! "The tiny women hold it in both hands. Generally, having a weapon the size of a cannon pointed at him is enough to discourage a troublesome customer." No one's going to mess with them, and no "tots," worked for me!!! Big fave *****
Jack, this from an exchange jld and I had re: my poem Neon.
JLD
"Why neon violet-blue?"
MAK
"JLD, because it's part of the atmospheric induction of the meta physics of this particular work. Translation = it's my poem and the neon and can be any color I want it to be!
"Little more than tots"--a VERY common expression.
See http://www.google.com/search?q=%22little+more+than+tots%22&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
Jack's use of the phrase here is an example of indirect free style (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_indirect_speech ) in which the phrase he uses reflects the consciousness of the sisters themselves, what they would have called themselves or what they remember others calling them.
Works for me.
BTW, "tiny boat" and "fend off pirates" work the same way.
*
Dear Jack,
The word tot is perfectly fine. I'm more disturbed that Mimi changed her name to Mini and then changed it back to Mimi and didn't tell us why. What is she hiding?
Is it possible that being called a tot traumatized her? She was unsettled at being referred to as a tot, and hasn't yet been able to settle into a skin, an identity, that suits her? I see Mimi/Mini/Mimi as a changeling.
Meanwhile, this is a fav.
Love,
Lynn/Lynn/Lynn
As far as I'm concerned, "tot" is perfect, Jack. Use it and don't look back. After reading Lynn's response, I must agree that Mini/Mimi is much more troubling--I may not sleep tonight. *
Lynn, What are you talking about? What's this Mini Mimi business? (Maybe I am losing my mind!)
You talking to me? Lymn?
Jack - I love your story as I do all of your work. You should be aware, however, that Mary Poppins invented tater tits, I mean tots. The fact of which offers no insight nor explanation as to why you're really writing about green haired butter monkeys. Huh? Jack?
Tots is fine! Love this story.
"Tots" works for me. It might not be a word I would use, but it feels like it fits in here, which, for me, would be enough.
Loved the story too.
Love these two women. There are a lot of tiny Asian women running nail shops in Baltimore, and not the nice part of town, and now I will wonder -- is there a .357 in the drawer next to the polish remover and cotton balls?
Tots didn't phase me, though the rest of the sentence did (little more than). Peace *
Love this story. A perfect little gem that seems to mirror these two women really well. As they used to say in the old writers workshops: "Tots goes to voice."
Well Jack's "writer voice" and Tots work for me.
*
Nice job, Tots! Fave.
See Jack! See what you're writing has inspired! I HAVE TO clarify that butter monkeys was intended to be something silly and far fetched NOT as a racial slur. Not sure, maybe I have some kind of blocked bad experience with the word tot from childhood. Maybe I was beaten with tots as a kid...Post traumatic tot syndrome...maybe, but I don't think so. The color of the story is perfect, consistant, but not from any real life rainbow. I don't know of any kid, from any country, that refers to him or herself or any of their peers as tots. I could understand the debate over a word like "trowel" or "muck" but not over "tots". Your loyal fan, MD
"I don't know of any kid, from any country, that refers to him or herself or any of their peers as tots."
Wait a minute here, Jack. I thought these were grown women thinking back to their tothood days. If you've got two little ones doing nails and giving massages, I could have a real problem with that . . . .
Stick with your gut - always. You heard 'tots' in the piece, keep 'tots' in. Who'd have thought 4 letters could be so divisive? The word drew me out a little, but I still enjoyed the piece, and rooted for the women. Further adventures of Nancy and Mimi, please.
This is hot to tots! *
a nice detachment here and abruptness to the piece that makes it memorable - well done jack
Good story, showing the price some people have paid to get to the USA and often continue to pay to survive here.
I see no problen with the use of the word 'tots' in the phrase 'little more than tots.'
It emphasizes the accomplishment of crossing the South China Sea, a very large body of deep and turbulent water, in a small boat. Plus, they were attacked by pirates and were forced to kill in self defense, proving they could do it even then so they could certainly do it again as adult women, although tiny in comparison to the men they were sometimes forced to confront.
Your characters are amazing. Each and every time I read your words I hear the voice of the piece and end up smiling. Fave.
I very much like the removed tone to this piece. A really well done story, wonderfully characterized, and full, in such a brief piece.
Just because of all the hoopla, my two tots-cents: I think a different and more evocative word choice would more intensely characterize these women as little girls in the boat, and what one ends up doing. There is a wonderful formal tone here, and a distanced, reserved voice, and tot, for me, is too familiar, too informal. Ah well, tot's the difference.
Well, well Jack. A fine mess indeed. I think "tots" fits right in with the diminutive sisters. It reinforces everything the piece says about the sisters. They are small but tough. Love the word tots, love the feedback from EVERYONE, love the controversy, love it love it love it. More please.
Oh and Fave.
I love this. Controversy over a gun? I don't know enough about guns to join the fray. I shot an M16 in basic training. I loved that gun. I miss it more than I've ever missed any man.
oh the controversy is over the word "tots"...LOL...that word works fine for me...tater tots, anyone? (I loathe tater tots.)
exquisite, lines to lay about one's male shoulders like serpents. i've loved a vietnamese woman once and so many years later you helped me understand some of what went on with me then.
Got no problem with the word tots. I misread Misti's comment as "taser tots," which gave me pause :) Like Michael, I like the detachment here. And the details.*
But since we're getting worked up over words, I'd cut "ladies."
"They are friendly and peaceful" works for me.
Can we talk about why Mimi washes her hands? Why not san-u-wipes? I almost never wash my hands, certainly not after I shoot a man. What did she do that made her hands so dirty?
Tots works for me - this whole piece works for me. Fave.
Love this line: They are grown women now, but they are little and men are big.
big big story in such a small space. great.
I liked it. Gonna tell folks to read this, tots suite...
Tots didn't stick out for me, you don't write from some patronizing voice meant to be their internal monologue, you're writing a somewhat hard-boiled portrait, and "tots" fits just fine... "kids" can mean any age these days.
This is a wonderful description of the attacked and the attacked--so much is packed into these few words--storyteller, philosophical discourse, social commentary, historical perspective!! Excellent *
Tots did the job for me; it only stuck out because I was looking for it. Rest of story very good, too. *
Tots worked for me, too, and just re-read this wonderful story. I think Thomas nailed it by what he wrote in his comment about your writer voice, Jack.
loved this story, tots and all.
big Fav
A fine edge. Worthy.
Like the calm and matter of fact voice in this piece. And I'm very glad the two sisters are tougher than their customers. :)
Great story, excellent women. No opinion about tots here. *
Great piece. I love how its simple narrative reflects how simply these women view their lives, even though there's obviously so much more to tell. Very enjoyable!