Meryl Streep Laughed at That

Ann whenever I talk about "voice" I'm talking about what I see in your work pretty much unfailingly. And here you go again.

Wonderful piece, Ann. Great control. And I agree with RW about the voice here. Strong.

"We might have tried to make endorphins then, caring not to upset his shoulder, but no spark had lasted as we had."

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I like how it skips ahead when it needs to, then lingers when it needs to. Everything is very well paced.

great voice; sweet story (sweet isn't a word I associate with your writing, generally, but I found the last line moving and, well, sweet)*

Great flash; each word works.

So nicely done, Ann. *

Bob, Sam, Neil, Jane, Frankie, Mary Anne, your comments are all so lovely and informative. Thanks.

oh, i love that first sentence--

and the children in the hair

xo--g *

Great piece, Ann. Best line: "The children played in my hair until they sputtered out..."

yes, i love the children playing in the hair line too, and the slanted boards image. i don't understand the meryl streep reference, don't know how to place it, and would love to hear what it means to you, ann.

Powerful prose poetry piece (or whatever terms you want to call it), not a spare word and the web is effectively spun. I admire your work so very much.

Fave.

Great, tight finish to this. Good one.*

The first sentence was brilliant. So good, this piece. Funny, unexpected.

Fave.

Very compact and wonderful!

Sui generis and wonderful.

"We might have tried to make endorphins"
You have a way with words, Ann Bogle!

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"slanted like boards..." I loved this line. Loved this. *

Perfect sculpted vignette. Wonderful. A+ *

Thanks for your comments and fav's. I appreciate it.

A word about its composition. It took ten hours of constant effort, overnight, to write it. I wish I had the first version to show you, but I didn't save it. Another recent story ("Perfect Lady") I wish I had worked as hard. I know that one is a really hammered item, the other a freer, more tossed off one. Based on your comments here, I think the greater effort gains.

Dear Ann, you are really amazing! It IS your voice--but also your storytelling, an experience of intimacy given to the reader through a sense of gossip and confession, both, which is absolutely unique to you--also the music, the richness of this piece--Brava! *

Thanks, Bobbi!

This is fantastic, Ann! Love every word.

Thanks, Kathy, for the retweet, too.

Very tight, every sentence seems to carry its own world and they meet at the end in a coil.
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Thanks, Susan.

Based on this piece, I'd agree as you said, "the greater effort gains." Especially since you've wrung all the effort out before the reader gets to it. This was a pure pleasure.

I'll say in public what I've said to you in private about this kind of thing. If you could power pack an entire novel with this voice and in this fashion it would be irresistible. It would probably fry your brain in the process because of what you do to distill it all to essence, but hey - art hurts. :-)

Thanks, Sara!

Bob, your suggestion is on my mind, my mind that likes soft challenges and easy strolls. Let's see what I can find as precedent. Searching, searching. Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London I remember for its vignettes. Let's see if I can make art cry.

Wonderful work, Ann. *

Wonderful piece, Ann. Sparks fly, embers remain...

great.

Yes, so good Ann, so right on.

Thanks, Kari, Barry, Jim, and Meg. I appreciate it!

great piece. why do those sparks not last?

Thanks, Estelle!

best title ever. so much told and so much not told. very effective story telling.

Thanks, Marcus! I'll try this tonight at open mic at the Nicollet in Minneapolis. It's a monthly spoken word event, not probably the right forum for this piece! It may seem like dead wood knocking there. Think, think, think page/audio.

Audio recording:

http://cinch.fm/ambogle/316241?UserTitle=AMBogle

I read it at spoken word open mic in Minneapolis last night. "Dream About Leo" and "Basal Distance" may seem to have worked better in performance. I love the question: page v. sound.

It's flattering to be the subject of a story. I'm not sure what to think. I teared up reading all the nice things people had to say to you though. I only have good things to say also, you know that Ann. You were meant to be in my life and I hope you will be always.

I didn't know they were going to print my name. Too stupid. Can I put LOL in a column?

Hey, Jack. I was on a date last night when I read your two postings (here) on my Blackberry. The first posting moved me, and the second one made me guffaw. I had realized on my way to the date, with some pride, that I had not guffawed around this gentleman even once. Then, in the middle of the night, I woke up and guffawed again at the whole thought of it. I hoped it sounded like Carol Burnett rather than Bertha Rochester (the madwoman in Jane Eyre). He was awake but said nothing. In the morning he said, what laugh?

Everyone likes your line about the children in the hair and I want to make that unanimous! I, too, have driven 60 miles for an ex...

Thanks, Lucile.

I love this gem.

His wife authorized it.

We might have tried to make endorphins.

Wonderful, understated, funny use of language. A fave*

Thanks, Gloria.

Discovered this via Wigleaf Top 50. Congrats on that!

Just a perfect flash: it's love; it's a storm.

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Thanks many, Matt. I hope the man portrayed in the story may make it to the reading on Saturday evening in Minneapolis. If he does, I'll indicate to the small audience that he allows writing, my highest thanks. Rocky 4 is a related flash.

Congratulations on being part of the Wigleaf Top 50!

Had to keep reading after the opening line,"I once dated a man whose wife had authorized it."

Also like:
"The children played in my hair," and "he and I fell asleep, slanted like boards at opposite ends of the couch."

Thanks, Laura

Wanted more. :)

"We might have tried to make endorphins then, caring not to upset his shoulder, but no spark had lasted as we had."

that's a line to raise the dead. big ups at you.

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Very enjoyable and tight. Excellent last line.