1617 4 2
|
I imagined the crystals in my mouth.
Salt flowers blooming on my tongue.
|
16171410
|
Oh to be young and vigorous.
|
161600
|
You know what parents have to do to get an Xbox? They don't just stand in line and someone hands them an Xbox, OK? That's sacrifice. They have to sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice. I mean, I chase alpacas a mile every night in subfreezing conditions,
|
161633
|
The next thing we knew, the KGB started tailing us everywhere we went. They must have heard about Lenin’s Paintings, was all we could figure. Because, what if they were real?
That night we went out to a pizza place where we saw the worst graffiti in t
|
16161410
|
One by one our friends are kicking the bucket. Let's get together. It's now or never, we figure.
|
16161312
|
|
161600
|
“Monetising the mecosystem” Theobald blathered, “extend the value proposition, core competencies create cash rich commitment free conurbations…partnership models proliferate non essential services spawning new opportunity…” Peregrine tried to
|
161664
|
What in the name of God’s green earth does this say? “Chifferobe if you can of Aztec in coffee can”?
|
161653
|
This woman is naked to the waist and then nakeder below that.
|
161620
|
A large crowd of students began to gather around the base of the building that housed the administrative offices, where my hearing was being held. The meeting room was up on the second floor.
|
161589
|
I thought the Ferris wheel was dumb. All it did was give you a high altitude view of the little Minnesota town where I had grown up.
|
161542
|
The villagers smash in a garage door with their heads, causing some to bleed from the ears and mouth.
|
161533
|
Everyone was shocked when they heard Tinkerbelle was six days gone and had got so heavy she couldn't fly. Who could have done it, everyone asked, but Tinkerbelle wasn't telling. So no one knew. That isn't true. I knew, and in this Declaration I swear I will tell…
|
1615103
|
Kitchen.
sandwich.
wife.
daughter.
|
161597
|
It is a misdemeanor to fart in NYC churches.
In 1857, toilet paper was invented by a man living in NYC.
No one knows how long it took for the idea to fan out from there.
God only knows why it took so long,
or why NYC was at the epicenter of it all
|
161566
|
What she didn't tell me was that her brother Carl got fried during an electrical storm.
|
161500
|
It seemed like only yesterday that she was making sure to remember bottles for Hunter and now he was eating regular adult food, and they were looking into tutors for next year, and Hunter was nearly four. Her runty Hunty umpkins was going to be four.
|
161595
|
Uzma accepts my invitation for dinner.
|
161561
|
Hideki likes the uncomfortable face one makes when trying to "break wind" after eating too many dried potatoes.
|
16151617
|
Sharpie marked, Free Still Works
|
161577
|
They stand together in the doorway looking at the crib.
|
161564
|
An action oriented solution for bovinity
|
161520
|
Last night aliens invaded our dishwasher.
|
161596
|
Every time she tries to sleep they come; legions of small armored things scuttle claws aloft across the purple sand as soon as she stops moving.
|
161566
|
At night, I wake up, and Daddy's in the bathroom with a hanger in his mouth....
|
161422
|
It would be great if next door to every restaurant, there was a 24 hour dental surgery. Then you could sneak in and grab a few magazines to read if you’re unfortunate enough to be dining alone.
|
161434
|
IT's like, 15 words. Do you really need a snippet?
|
161432
|
“You know who Neil Peart looks like?” Gram said, ignoring Aaron's outburst.
|
161400
|
“We all come out from Gogol's 'Overcoat'," said Dostoevsky. Well, sometimes, I think otherwise.
|
161431
|
It was a phone call we never expected. You were so full of life and joy and the sound of your laugh was pierced in our minds. Two strokes. That's what they said. No explanation, no back story. We worried we would lose you. Immediately, all of our memories with you started…
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