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You are beautiful just the way you are

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There were avocados splayed across menus like 1950′s pinup girls–all thigh and curve. Avocados in California omelets. Avocados split and diced, sprayed with lime, slapped on bagels, served with tomato.

After Our First Kiss, The Paranoia Sets In

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Your kiss has spread like a fever, persistent and catastrophic for an ill-prepared heart like mine.

Notes on Consulting the 'Owner's Manual for the Human Mind'!

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[CAUTION: TO PREVENT ELECTRIC SHOCK, DO NOT REMOVE COVER. NO USER-SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE. REFER SERVICE TO QUALIFIED SERVICE PERSONNEL.]

Please, tell me of the smell of the moon

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Do you know first hiss of batter hitting groundnut oil in a shallow pan, I ask, on a morning after a long, dream-ridden sleep?

That is That

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Alexander Ivanovich stuck out his leg and tripped Daniil Ivanovich Yuvachev. Daniil Ivanovich Yuvachev stood up, took two steps forward, stuck out his leg and tripped Alexander Ivanovich.

Percentages

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There’s a problem with falling for a mostly straight girl. And by mostly straight, I mean, when you and I met at the Christmas cocktail dress-up party a year ago, you in red spandex with white fur trim and me in my straight-from-work black slacks and grey

Why They Cried: Deano

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When it came time to sell the agency—when the papers came for him to sign—it was a very bad deal. But he did not cry. This was business. He had gambled and he had lost. He signed the papers without a hint of regret and even pried open a case of champa

Dangling About

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Looking at his pale and pimpled flesh, he was repulsed by his flaccid and lifeless member. The accompanying bits, dangled about far from his frame as the summer heat drew them away from his sweaty and unwashed body.

Laundromat

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Who am I?

Train Whistles In Wintertime

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Train whistles in wintertime made him feel lonely.

Paddle/ Pedal/ Piddle

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You say boxer briefs, I say pillbox hats

Old Age

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Are they too old for life's little pleasures? The answer comes as I pass them on the canyon road one morning.

Burn

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I should have known to wear boots on Teddy’s motorcycle, but I didn’t know that when the engine heated the exhaust pipe became hot as a griddle. Teddy didn’t warn me, and I thought there was something wrong with that, but I let it go the way I jumped on h

Wuthering Heights: 21st C Remix (Anti-love version)

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That Bronte woman had me painted like Eminem’s Stan Or a droog from Kubrick

H. Abstract

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“Dear, baby, what do you fear?” Or maybe it was, “Now here are the keys to the lock.”

Three Philosophers and Their Wives

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Wives, without exception, have birthdays, which if forgotten, are much-less-than-mirth days.

The Celebrated Jumping Flippit of Tau-Ceti IV

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One day me an' Elvis was down at the riverbank with Huckleberry, chasin' darters an' watchin' barges go by. It was a lazy day bein' a Sunday an' all. We had jest got back from Church an' Mami told me to change my clothes so's that I didn't get my Sunday

The Full Moon is Inside Your House

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When the full moon changes trajectory and comes close it pushes you to different gravitational fields

Claudine

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She lifts her head, nose heavenward. There’s a wet spot on my dress from our lovemaking, its aroma as heady as Claudine’s bouillabaisse. I hope she smells it.

Halfhearted Objections

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The old man behind the counter recognizes fear and anxiety in the boy's face, and sees the brown paper bag clenched in his other white-knuckled hand.

The Comforts of a Robe

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Woman With Water Bottles has taken up a little spot in the back of my brain, her hair tickling her eyes in the breeze.

SHE HAS HER REASONS

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It is a well-known fact that my wife sleeps around. There. I said it and now everyone knows that I too know about my wife. Let me just tell you this one thing; she has her reasons. You ask me how I know that she has her reasons, but who would know better than…

Moon View Mountain Road

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I once read a book of warnings.

Lipstick in the Kitchen

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In the middle of the floor squatted a sway-backed butcher block that appeared to have been chopped upon with such force as to make it cower.

Working Girl

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Suddenly a hand shot up on the other side of a hedge. “I’ll have one of those!” cried someone who remained invisible.

Lost In Space

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He was jolted awake from his light slumber by his pod crash landing. Landing? That means he found a planet. He opened the pod and got out to stretch his legs. He looked around. "Wow, and I thought Aleria was advanced. This is amazing."

Limits on Lint-Rollers Tighten as Illicit Use Spreads

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The latest teen abuse of an ordinary household item? Late-night “lint roller” parties at which boys and girls engage in heavy “feel-up” sessions that can lead to unwanted pregnancies, white slavery and in extreme cases, marriage.

Star Heart

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This is the place I could find my breath. I didn'tSay I understood it. I only wanted to hold someone andMeant to. I don't care about the rules for caring.This place where I could speak was incredibly far from Where I'd once met you. The place where I could…

If The Fire Is Not In Your Apartment

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If you get crushed in New York City that's your own problem.

The Criminal Intern

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"Look, Ted, I'm on a timer. It's really hell here, you can't imagine. And I have a chance to get paroled early, if you do me a solid."