17 1 0
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Jake woke up Monday morning with a song in his heart. His wife was in the shower, and Jake stood in the doorway of her bathroom singing “Happy Birthday” to himself.
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20092316
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... I know all about ax murderers because Elmo, my uncle by marriage to my sister who never had any sense was one. He done killed six women in a farm outside of Topeka in the space of they say three minutes, including my sister and her bingo friends . . .
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94310
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Soul? Who's got soul? That nothingness that holds us together, between the spaces, in and out of the cracks in our minds and bodies. The soul weighs something, you know. It's been proven. Some guy did a study where he weighed people before and after death, and they weighed…
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15644726
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Drop out of school. Buy a journal and keep a list of excuses. Run wind sprints and lay off the beer. Use teeth whitener.
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1258112
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Although radiation and chemo rendered him a wraith...
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1183101
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I wonder, God. Do you sit around and play with the universe like it was your Wii? Or your Farmville? Or maybe your little iphone app? I mean, really. Did it ever occur to you that the little men, women and children on your screen actually bleed? Do you think…
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5384
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Cut 4 cm-thick strips from suburban bouncer's deltoidsPlace 2 vegetarian piranhas in the oven......Preheat with a cup of wonderful love affairsCombine interactive art in crowd control operationsAnd persistent genital arousal disorder in a saucepanWhisk together survival…
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9564
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She gives me the finger, goes back to her book about time travel.
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92126
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Tapping his foot, numbers accumulating in his mind, until his mother said, stop. She the only one able to halt the numbers, his father an empty set since birth.
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183219
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Grandfather was surly. Everything angered him. He’d play solitaire at his table, blow cigarette smoke, eat canned anchovies, complain about grandkids drinking his bottled Coke.
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9363
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Thomas Alexander hoisted the 275-pound pig onto the table and proceeded to spread the carcass open by its sides with his hands. Whistling as he fastened on his belly-guard and pulled his hands into safety gloves, he began the process of butchering the beast into bacon, ham,…
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122441
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What I need to secure from you now are two swears on this copy of Camp Bylaws for the Hearty and True that you won’t let my misinformed intrusion dampen your beginnings.
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70240
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You read Latin? Drink vodka at ten in the morning? What are you?
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4620
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He wondered why he ever thought to collaborate with her in the kitchen.
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14271812
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“ I told you what she said, that she liked me better when I was drinking. Well, that's the way I feel, too. I liked her better when I was drinking.”
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