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Wild Oats v. Shredded Wheat

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Written across an old geezer’s sweatshirt At the Farmer’s Market in L.A.

Two Drunken Elves Don't Know a Good Hobbit When They See One

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Wait for it. It's not the end of the world, it's the end of certain things. It's not that the sky is falling, it's that the coral reefs are dead or dying. I don't know how the ravaged trees have managed to survive this long with us breathing…

Never Sacrifice Yourself

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No matter how many times flies land on butter they will never become butterflies

Show Talk

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Do you mind if we cut the attack on the settlers, asked Sitting Bull. But that’s the center attraction, said Buffalo Bill. Everyone expects it. But it’s a lie, a gross misrepresentation, said Sitting Bull. I feel like I am endorsing a great fraud.

The Soup You're Served

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He said hopping trains don't get you out the pot, it only gets you to the other side. But whatever soup you're swimming in, you'll still be swimming in it.

Attraction In the Night

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Everybody was out on the deck and you could feel the deck swaying a little with the weight of all the people. There was loud music inside but it was too hot and nobody was dancing and they were all out on the deck. Lisa was out there and either she would not…

Your Pet & Vet Conciliator

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There is no love triangle more tangled than that which snares a pet, its owner and an amorous veterinarian.

Wet Moses Cement

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If you’re trying to carve wise sayings for eternity to read in a newly poured sidewalk you don’t want to be struggling for meaning while the cement is wet.

vast dance of the darling soul

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Was it only for the vast dance of the darling soul, that you were born? Not to give up your genetics? Made for the use of the future, were you? I should have known. I heard the wind that swirled within you, even then, when we were so young. You were

Reciting Verse on the Toilet

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He is the kind of boy that is so handsome / you already expect there is something wrong with him

Ace Reporter

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God, how I smite them.

Dog, Deer, and Boy

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A black and white Malamute chasing down a deer to the edge of the water, and putting her mouth on it. The hurt deer fallen into the water to escape. Red blood floating out into the water like cloth. The boy racing down the slope into the reeds t

Concrete

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The man who makes the noose

I Heard You Like the Back Seat Too, Honey: Song

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They met at a bar They didn’t get far They went to her car Then back to the bar He played guitar She was a rock star They met at a bar They didn’t get far Well, I heard you liked the back seat too, Honey I heard that you liked to h

A Day in the Life of a Nutcracker Ticket Scalper

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Talk about the Nutcracker–my nuts are cracking from the cold cause it’s freezin’ out here! But a guy’s gotta make a buck, and scalpin’ ballet tickets in sub-zero weather pays the bills.

Not today, you crab!

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My single sculling boat was not made to take the impact of a pickup.

The Greener Grass is a Little Lofty

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*a drunk amid worldly boundaries*

God, the Father

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I was right to fear the God of my father He is a monster.

Cocktail Pianist

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It seems the law of gravity will exert its influence even in such mundane matters as the afternoon rush hour.

Brewing

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...classic rock vibrating the walls...

Ghost Dance

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Outside the lattice of snow suspended in the air comes with traces of the glitter that was in her hair.

Brooklyn Bridge

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I’m walking funny but only comedians notice.

the sweet lunar springs

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Check the sweet lunar springs that we are still bathing in. The swelling in the genitals there. Check to make sure we are ripe, and in season. It’s our way of being willing, strong under the sweet icy waters, with that fertility that is derived from you

Pirate

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When I got out I didn't buya new suit of clothes, stepinto a bar, or bargainfor an hour with a whore.I walked from McGee Streetover to Russell and wonderedif Bus 16 still went out of its wayto loop around the traffic knotat the shopping mall. It'd drop you thereif you had…

Illumination,with grace

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Jerry peered out into the dark landscape with no fear left.

renewal

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A raininess envelops you already in the womb. The water that began in the mouth a generation before you, away from any explanation, reason, or need for speech, and now seeks out the same dear lovable blood in you as those who came before you – these are

Knowing the Ending

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“No!” Shouted Jon. “I don't get it!” Clarissa stared at her hands in her lap and tried not to cry. She knew it was her fault they were there. She was the one who cheated. But she could not understand why Jon wanted, no needed, to…

Pleasure Your Woman the Papal Appliance Way

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It shows how ignorant your typical writer for a men's magazine read primarily by teenage boys can be. You must treat every woman as if she is a customer at a major appliance store.

rib envy

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Flowers I didn’t like God or else nature must have had some brief happiness over. But it’s just forgetfulness for an old goddess like me, goddess of the moon, of hunting, of chastity once, since now I have changed. My opened flowery bosom went on to bec

dancers: degas

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What we see is the aspiration of flesh to beauty not the fact, which may be ugly. That the light pours down on them, as they wait in the wings to go on stage. The cool and warm pastels separating on their flesh. Green and white above, warm red a