Andrew didn’t need oil and neither did his mother. In fact, the only reason oil was on his mother’s mind was because it was the last thing on her mind. He did not get up to get it, and she did not protest.

As Clyde was walking by, the preacher turned his attention to the ragged soul who strolled before him. The sad sight sent him into even more of a fury; he chose not to hold his tongue. "What is not permissible by God is a man who seeks out drugs and

“You look very glum for being so white,” said the fox. “Do you believe in Jesus?” asked the unicorn.

One must never, ever wipe one's hands on a flag, and this wouldn't even be a problem if people weren't so lackadaisical about getting the flag out and up at picnics.

I have enclosed a newspaper clipping so you can see I’m telling the truth. I’m in the picture on the far right, standing near a maple tree with my mouth wide open in a scream. On the far left is a rearing horse with one of the local farm kids on it,

The crowd gathered around the dying man's bed, waiting for his last words. He was a genius. The most prolific writer and philosopher to ever live. He wiped his ass with the words of Shakespeare. The thoughts of Plato, Socrates, Descartes, and Nietzsche w

I have never seen doubt on the face of a Roman general,' he said, ‘but when you looked at me and said “I know”…that was a certainty I'd never encontered. You have crossed the Acheron twice.'

Trent’s had many phases: Madonna, Bette, leather, water sports, rollerblading, haiku, chicken queen, rice queen, muscle queen, daddy. But religion? This is new.