30 10 1
|
My friend says there's some kind of bug that bites its mate's head off after they have sex.
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8330
|
I was one hundred miles from home and buzzing on Old Style and MD20/20. It was my eleventh birthday.
|
9742
|
The baby was normal when it came out. Daddy snipped the cord like nothing, the baby screaming silently till the nurse sucked out whatever bloodsnot was stuck in his throat, then there was no turning back, it was there, his voice, his mouth wide and wider, that baby was all…
|
1477217
|
We got married in a hospital. My bride had her appendix out the day before our wedding, so we decided to tie the knot in her room at Hoover Memorial.
|
1496155
|
Quiet. You sit quiet as a mouse in the corner. Push a little doll around and hum la-la-la so they forget you’re there while they have the cocktail hour.
That’s how you find out they’re killing Grandma.
|
2851
|
Bert takes care of Number One. He's not interested in the birds of the air or the beasts of the field.
|
900
|
When the honeymoon was over, it was over. This was half a dozen years later. When we had tired of everything else, we tried watering the plants.
|
39163
|
We waded in the creek at bottom of the canyon, and I showed her the ladybug tree, where in season the tiny creatures formed a coat inches thick on the tree trunk.
|
153475
|
His open door was interpreted by the neighbor as an invitation to all but place a mirror under his nose. She demanded opportunities to fluff his pillows and coerced him into accepting gifts of food, more than he could possibly eat, and sometimes ate with
|
115393
|
One night we were invited out for dinner, and we got into a knock-down, drag-out that afternoon. My wife got so angry I had to hold her down on the bed.
|
3885211
|
“Probably a fungus”, his wife said, “perhaps you should wash there more often.”
|
16782711
|
As soon as she left, I sat down at the computer. Booted up. Read my e-mail, then looked at pictures of bare-naked ladies.
|
21464219
|
He was not supposed to leave handcuffs or a butt plug laying around.
|
2952
|
Peter's first customer of the day was sent through the door marked with a D. He was a man from Detroit who got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing his head through a sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
|
700
|
Then we put on our costumes. I was Adam, and she was Eve.
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