Stories tagged absurd

ON THE MORNING OF BEN TANZER, 2012 (notes from a fortune-telling)

118118 views44 comments22 favs

In one photograph, you are seen holding a large, expensive elephant over your head. You are certain the name of this elephant is Fancy Dan, though you are certain also that you have never before met.

Spilled Milk

476476 views1515 comments1212 favs

(I'd appreciate some feedback on this very weird story.) A Frosted Mini Wheat walks in to a bar...

This Is For Freddy

206206 views11 comment00 favs

Milton Glick waddled his girlish hips through my front door.

Words In the Right Order

722722 views44 comments55 favs

1. Post Scriptum Just opened an email from work containing an attachment of a piece of art which reads (translating from Turkish) “The price of love; one person pays”

A LETTER FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

12891289 views1010 comments33 favs

“What? Someone broke into your apartment while you were there and did what?” “The dishes.” “The intruder did the dishes?” “Yes.” “The intruder did the dishes?” A second time, skeptically, “And left a sweet note.” You would clarify.

The Codes

150150 views1010 comments33 favs

ADXFEDL Super Punch LDLLOPZ Unlimited Ammo FFDVWTU Maximum Hit Points JWEBUJN Mega-Jump DSCXPOG No Hunger EYENVDT Don't Need Sleep PSDQUIV Infinite Lives

The Dog

9393 views77 comments11 fav

Carl finished his beer, burped, crushed the aluminum can on the floor with his foot. “Oop, now we’re outta beer.” “Alright, let’s send the dog.” They did. They sent the dog. The first time Luther trotted down the sidewalk. The next time, Henry let t

Jagged Dog Story

618618 views66 comments44 favs

But I had learned from ingesting Roberto’s glitter-eyed fear, it could make you never close enough, and then, never far enough away. And both at the same time.

Our Travels on Fire

635635 views66 comments55 favs

We were offered mannequins that had pubic hair that grew and swirled, and could visit like a pet, and sit in your lap

Chaz and Betty

257257 views44 comments33 favs

immortal love is tough

The Adventures of Tequila Kitty: Chapter Two: Confessions of a Crazy Cat Lady - by Aimee Hamel

622622 views00 comments00 favs

He took off his sombrero and playfully placed it on my head. “And really, don’t be upset. You’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with loving your cat.” He was right, there is nothing wrong with loving your cat. But there is something wrong with owning a di

The Adventures of Tequila Kitty: Chapter 3 - by Brian Lepire

814814 views11 comment11 fav

I’d made it to the motel parking lot when I heard the footsteps. A sombrero may make me look good, but it does shit for my hearing, so the bastards were able to scoop me up real quick. The first one gave me a hard slap on the top of the head with an opene

Short Fuse

828828 views1111 comments1010 favs

he scans the headlines of the tabloids as he waits to pay. “Dog Accidentally Shoots Man With His Own Gun, Elvis's Hidden Extraterrestrial Daughter, Swedish Man Bursts Into Flames on Train Platform.”

Thoughts Recorded By My Wife and Sister Three Days After I Emerged From a Coma (Loaded on Dilaudid)

564564 views22 comments11 fav

Bake sweet rolls and make love to your new wife, fall asleep for three years and grow a beard.

"What It Means to Exodus" Or, "Brrrraaaawww"

557557 views22 comments22 favs

"I have consulted the Internet," the man remarks, squatting low, sorting through a mountain of tablets. He snags two and stands slowly, confidently, and I realize suddenly that he is Moses. Two iPads, cradled surely in each wrist, glow with lists.