Stories tagged absurd

Ul Fas Spe Rea Course

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Edmund read ultra-fast: “.Ass - ;fuc gav fas no I will fu fuc fu her he wen fa, ha! Ha!

it's just death, so what

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Unfortunately, there is nothing to be done about the coupling of tombstones. First of all, their copulations are deafening — how they grunt and sigh! — and secondly, the sparks spewing from the friction — blue, green, yellow, and purple - ignite fires

Video from Cairo

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The view from the tenth floor of Ramses Hilton hotel was depressing. A restless crowd undulated between the wrecks of tanks and armored cars. JOURNALIST: Hey! I’m dying here, and you admire the views?

The Spider and the Corpse, Or, The Corpse and the Spider

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The corpse lay silently in his open casket. Dressed in the finest silken suit. Italian. Rubber skin pulled over his bones. Arms folded in eternal prayer.

Flowers for Our Dead Lovers

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We brought flowers for our dead lovers

The Fortune of an Accident

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Staring at her horribly disfigured face, I envied her.

You Are Free To Leave

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All that was missing from this festival of the brain dead was Barney the goddamn dinosaur.

Her Head Sounserals Away

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"Bortne! Bortne! Shushort!" she exclaims, shooting her hands over her wobbly head in pleasure, causing it to again pop off. This time, it's a three story drop from a balcony. Terrified, he yells "Sneeeeew nuuuu! Oh nee padoooo!"

Truffle Socks

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Imagine instead the skater's lean feat, the toes which, honestly, may represent 25% of the entire length. The superb way she slips them into the boots. They smell like truffles.

Yes I Would

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I would get drunk and ask you to drive me to Wal-Mart. I would ask you to buy me the newest US Weekly and the purple package of maxi pads because those are the biggest ones.

Insect Eater

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Tell that to Tom Nowhere, if you dare

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Out where they grow the miles

A Boy Who Looks Like Horses, or A Horse Who Looks Like Boys

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He nuzzled the breasts with his face for a moment, his leathery skin and tangles of hair tickling her in the process.

The Defective Detective : The Curious Case of the Kilchester Courier

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In which Clint is sucked into a remarkably civilised but mildly deranged crime scene. There he encounters almost-blackmail, not-actually prostitution, probable-sex scandals, genuine-imposters & the very real theft of something incredibly important. Twice.

Breasts and Pickups

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Two giant greasy hands were working those breasts hard, squeezing and tugging and pulling. She didn't holler.