A Scattering of Rivals

Great way to open, Beate - "Especially in fall when red leaves float down." Life as paradox.

I really like the tone and the form of the piece -

"A husband left for a long-legged creature on the brink of first bloom.

An old lover's new love already swept his front porch as I walked by."

Well written.

The voice here is wonderful, a little bit melancholy, a whole lot real. Love this: "My young son is already more important."

"My first rival was my father, by far the favorite child in the family. The rest of us were easily eclipsed by his colorful tantrums. At breakfast over honey rolls, mother explained she had deliberately chosen him. We were more accidental."

What an insight, what a twist. I believe (though I may be mistaken) it's an original thought.

I KNOW it's beautifully presented.

In a melancholy mood, I can hear the music, as I enjoy reading your near perfect writing, as near as I can judge.

I agree with Matt's comment. And with the others that it's beautifully written. *

I like the tension between the completeness, the closing of each section and the stepping off to the next over a kind of void. Then from "...the ends of the earth" to the "earth[which] has no end" closing the circle indeed.

This is overwhelmingly beautiful.

This reads like autumn and falling leaves and the withering of all things green. Loss of youth, gain of wisdom. Just lovely. peace *

perfect title, echoes the structure and imagery. I felt the heartbreak in 'we were more accidental,' a pain that is explored then released by the piece's end. *

"We were more accidental.

I couldn't wait to grow up."
The relationship of these two lines is smoldering and sorrowful. A very nice piece, full of mood, emotion and image.

this is enormous, beate. i love how you don't choose the easy path to explore family and partnership rivalry. that's my brain talking - but more importantly, this is heart stuff. made me ache. title and last (two) sentences: absolute wodka, i'm drunk now with sad bliss - einem traurigen wonnegefühl if you get my drift.

Oh Beate, this is phenomenal writing. It's so filled with lovely details that tell little stories in themselves. The scene with Joan of Arc just flooded me with with memories of dark rooms and candles in cottages where a party drives on in the background. So very well done.

For me this piece ends with more hope than the tragic beginning - children eclipsed by a parent's demands on the family. In the end, the son is more important than the parent - perhaps the natural way of things? For me the melancholy is that the narrator never found her place in the sun. Or at least doesn't let us in on it. Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

Quite beautiful. Well written. Loved this: "My best friend with Joan of Arc hair and violet eyes was summoned to bed by the man I wanted as we were sitting at the foot of the stairs, talking of immortality and oranges and a certain fairytale fox. They left me with moonlight and Green Chartreuse."

I agree with Claire, that the ending affirms ... hope. Dreams topple, ideals crumble, but people go on ... they go on and need not weep.

I loved this.

Beautifully paced as always. I'd go to the prom with you any day.

All the little (and big) heartbreaks and disappointments in a life, so delicately rendered. I loved every word. *

Wow, wow, wow, and wow. Stunning, fresh and new language and images throughout, Beate.

Beate, there is such a mixture of raw and beautiful here, so hard to explain what you have done except to say it's lovely in its bitter-sweetness, full of poetry and wisdom earned

Profound.

Wow, thank you, one and all for your generous comments and faves. I'm blown away.
Also, thank you, Claire, James, and Jane, for pointing out the hope for redemption in the already important young son. I hadn't even thought of that as I wrote. It's not the end of the earth after all! And so I always learn.
Thanks, also Jack, for the reassurance about the prom. Of course at my age, senior prom begins to take on an entirely new meaning.

Elegiac in tone, saddened me, as she gives up against her rivals so easily, but I understood that, it was set in her, in the "nurturing" she received as a child... when a parent so clearly chooses the other parent over the child, that first obvious rejection stays... and how curious that she goes through life, initially glossed over by the mother, in favor of the father, only to choose female friends who will do the same thing to her... take what she wants (perhaps oedipal), choose a man over her, quite a fascinating psychological portrait done in a spare prose poem.*

Great use of the challenge. Lots of power in so few words. Enjoyed reading.

This is amazingly beautiful, Beate. Blows me away. The form, title, tone… just perfect. The words contain a whole life and far beyond.

Just lovely, Beate.

From the title to the end, Beate - wonderful. I love all the detail you pack in here, and the colors: red leaves, colorful tantrums, violet eyes, Green Chartreuse, that yellow T. So cleverly constructed, and yet the 'scattering' makes the piece feel sparse, as if the details are perhaps accidental too, not quite connected -- though we know they all are.

On top of that, the link between the paragraph about the father and the paragraph about the son: well, that is just perfect.
*

"Earth has no end."

and what a title, just brilliant work, Beate

Beate, this is a poetic piece in more ways than one. I agree with Kathy Fish about the title and the ending.

"At breakfast over honey rolls, mother explained she had deliberately chosen him. We were more accidental."

This just leaped off the screen and wrapped around my brain. There's so much working with these two sentences, I don't know where to begin. I've not seen two sentences dance so well together since sections of Gatsby, and that's not lip service.

Then throughout that highly lyrical technique doesn't falter but only grows stronger. Giving us common off-stage characters with the most uncommon and unique language such as this:

"A husband left for a long-legged creature on the brink of first bloom."

I see this long-legged creature as I've never seen her before because of the skill in which you've painted her in the peripheral.

Really enjoyed this more than I can say, Beate.

The autumnal tone, absolutely. Well done.

I agree with others that the title was inspired. You give great glimpse, Beate. Each sentence is almost a freestanding poem, and together they are beautifully ripe. I enjoyed this very much.

This is a wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing it here.

Beautiful. Wonderful ending.

"Peace isn't easy" in the beginning and "Earth has no end" in the end with a beautifully-paced litany in between. I loved the litany the most. This is a beautiful piece with a wonderful title. Good work!

father as a rival -- that hurts.
this long legged creature, more hurts.

loved this and your ending

I have no clue how I missed this the first time around...but so happy to have read it here now, as a result of the Monday chat. Read it again, and again. So masterful your work is. So powerfully drawn. Magical.

I'm so pleased Monday's chat with Susan sent me to this lyrical story. It's lovely and sad, Beate. Good for you.

pretty brilliant. lovely writing.

I love this--"I planned to go to the ends of the earth to avoid rejection." This piece is one of those that squeezes my heart. Thank you.

Gorgeous prose poem Beate! So full of lyrical imagery, music and magic. So many lines that sparkle and shine and stop me in my tracks. "They left me with moonlight and Green Chartreuse" Wonderful. (By the way I've seriously damaged myself with that stuff!) Love this. Looking forward to reading more. *!

A poignant piece. It grabbed me with "my first rival was my father, by far the favorite child in the family" and it never let go.

My heart clutched at these words:

I have come full circle. I am grown up now. My young son is already more important. Earth has no end.

So very beautiful.

This is gorgeous, the colors and shapes, the rays of disappointment extending out, but then she is enclosed in (unscattered by) the love of her son. It's a smart and forgiving work.

This writing is awe inspiring. "Earth has no End" Holy holy.

Beautifully written. I love the one line stanza's. Nearly poetry.

Great concept. Well executed.

Oh Beate, the beauty of melancholy can be so seductive, can't it? I do love the poetry and imagery of this piece. Just gorgeous...
D

I have come full circle. I am grown up now. My young son is already more important. Earth has no end.

sigh... is that not the truth.... that sentence gave me chills

I have come full circle. I am grown up now. My young son is already more important. Earth has no end.

sigh... is that not the truth.... that sentence gave me chills

"An old lover's new love already swept his front porch as I walked by."

"My favorite T-shirt is yellow and tattered: a wanderer, a woman, walks on a mountain bridge. I dream of the inside of gold lit windows I sometimes see at dusk."

Heart-breakingly beautiful.

I followed Phillip over here. This is stunning, Beate. *