The Look
He stands at the water's edge and looks at eagles circling overhead. Two at first, then three, then four. He looks in silence and he looks with longing. Somewhere up there in those circles he is looking for his soul. The sun magnificently pierces dense white clouds.
I blow on my gloved knuckles to warm them through the wool. He used to look at me like that.
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Author's Note
First published in Blue Five Notebook February 2013 (13.3)--thanks Michelle Elvy and Sam Rasnake.
Other stories by Beate Sigriddaughter
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I love this! I want to be up in those clouds, too. Very nicely written, Beate.
I love the comparison. Fave*.
We learn so much in such a short piece. Beautiful prose.*
Love it. *
Lxx
As John said, so much about the characters--their moods, their lives, their dreams--so perfectly compressed by your skilled hand, Beate. This, in just a few words, brings in sight, sound, temperature, even the smell of fresh cool air. Perfect. And, it's a story!
Great flash--so much in such a small place.*
Elegant compression, Beate.
brilliant.*
Lovely. I always keep an eye on those eagles.
Yes.
Strong piece. *
But the blowing through the gloves to warm your hands--this the art that roots it in the real, so fine.
wow. there's such longing in this! *
Thank you, everyone, for the generous comments and/or faves. I am so pleased with this piece; this is how I "really" want to write, but don't always pull it off (yet).
desire across time....and space
How perfectly (and economically) composed. Beautiful.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Gary and DJ.
Lovely work. Beate.
*
Just found this – wow. Extraordinary compression and intensity. So much inside that little seed*
I like the lines:
"Two at first, then three, then four. He looks in silence and he looks with longing."
The tension in these lines is essential to the piece.
Thank you, Bill, Paul, and Gessy. You made my day.
And POW. wow, i really love this...
Poignant, Beate. Beautiful. xxoononnie
Thank you for reading and commenting, Deborah and Nonnie.
Very tight.
Love how this sneaks up and whacks you, then the sad bring down. Excellent.
Thank you for your good words on this, Steven and Darryl.
I imagine her looking at him like that as he looks at the eagles.
Good.
Thank you Frankie and Sheldon. Frankie, he should be so lucky!
perfect structure*
Thank you for reading, Jane.
A big fave.
Wow! How did I miss this small, precious stone earlier.
A big thank you, David!
Indeed... me too.
Thank you for reading and commenting, JLD.
Beate, much to admire in this- the soaring motion, the wave of looking and of longing, and the observation firmly grounded and down to earth
Morgan, thank you for reading and for your comment.
You made me suddenly feel sad. Then I re-read it, and you made me feel sad…again. You gave soul a muscle of some kind, with his growing and yours in need of ibuprofen. Love this.