Stories tagged funny

My Son Thinks He's French

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My son thinks he's French.His accent was cute at first, but it's starting to get on my nerves. If he asks for another glass of Beaujolais I'm gonna go to jail for child abuse.Yesterday, I walked upstairs to make him turn his new Jacques Brel album down and I swear it…

Who Will Carry Us?

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1. People avoided Mac, the Great White Hunter, which was how he liked to think of himself, even though he was not white. Mac was cocoa colored and stalked his prey nearly nude. The city was his…

Life of the Mind

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Days went by as I stood in the woods waiting for a tree to fall, and when none did, I determined the universe is cold and indifferent and that man’s only hope is to buy wood chippers.

Responses to a writing prompt on story structure, filled out moments after learning of my girlfriend's affair

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1. Main character: Promiscuous girlfriend. 2. Main character's goal: Wants to have a lot of sex. 3. Obstacle: Has boyfriend. 4. Character's idea of a solution to the goal: Cheats on boyfriend.

Some Nature Haiku

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The proud, burly tree / Rests on the now crashed TV / Thanks a lot, nature

Scrawls From My Blue Period

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The following was written under disagreeable circumstances, in that I was present for them.

Sex Dungeon for Sale!

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Calm down, I wouldn’t classify this as a sex dungeon.

A Letter to the Girl I May or May Not Have Slept With Last Night

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Can I really be blamed? Look at the circumstantial evidence: you wore that skirt, which can hardly be called a skirt. More like a very wide plaid belt.

The Cat's Chair

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A cat terrorizes a small family. They fight back.

trying to be honest but twitter is over capacity

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To be honest, I've always wanted to be black

Jackson Hubert Dies

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He was 5'3 with black hair and a comb over. He was 9.

Badface Investigates - Fighting

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I’m lying on the floor curled up in the foetal position and about six people are stamping on me. [...] It’s really confusing down here, what with all the kicking.

Badface Investigates – Scarification: (draft)

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I can barely feel the blade as it first goes in. I'm pleasantly surprised. But as she drags the knife across my skin the pain increases becoming more and more painful rising to a point of unbearable agony the further she cuts.

FOR SCIENCE!

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According to the weatherman's morning forecast it was supposed to be a dark and stormy night. Unfortunately for Doctor Von Übel the weather had other things in mind...

Regret

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“Pupilo Durcál!” She yelled. “You stupid pendejo!” He limped along without another glance. Rosa suddenly realized her dreams all week were really omens.