1870 20 9
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My son thinks he's French.His accent was cute at first, but it's starting to get on my nerves. If he asks for another glass of Beaujolais I'm gonna go to jail for child abuse.Yesterday, I walked upstairs to make him turn his new Jacques Brel album down and I swear it…
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136120
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1. People avoided Mac, the Great White Hunter, which was how he liked to think of himself, even though he was not white. Mac was cocoa colored and stalked his prey nearly nude. The city was his…
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147634
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Days went by as I stood in the woods waiting for a tree to fall, and when none did, I determined the universe is cold and indifferent and that man’s only hope is to buy wood chippers.
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183882
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1. Main character:
Promiscuous girlfriend.
2. Main character's goal:
Wants to have a lot of sex.
3. Obstacle:
Has boyfriend.
4. Character's idea of a solution to the goal:
Cheats on boyfriend.
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137242
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The proud, burly tree / Rests on the now crashed TV / Thanks a lot, nature
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140043
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The following was written under disagreeable circumstances, in that I was present for them.
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2653249
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Calm down, I wouldn’t classify this as a sex dungeon.
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1967113
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Can I really be blamed? Look at the circumstantial evidence: you wore that skirt, which can hardly be called a skirt. More like a very wide plaid belt.
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186311
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A cat terrorizes a small family. They fight back.
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1724238
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To be honest, I've always wanted to be black
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49320
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He was 5'3 with black hair and a comb over. He was 9.
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102710
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I’m lying on the floor curled up in the foetal position and about six people are stamping on me. [...] It’s really confusing down here, what with all the kicking.
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121200
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I can barely feel the blade as it first goes in. I'm pleasantly surprised. But as she drags the knife across my skin the pain increases becoming more and more painful rising to a point of unbearable agony the further she cuts.
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118120
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According to the weatherman's morning forecast it was supposed to be a dark and stormy night. Unfortunately for Doctor Von Übel the weather had other things in mind...
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141422
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“Pupilo Durcál!” She yelled. “You stupid pendejo!” He limped along without another glance. Rosa suddenly realized her dreams all week were really omens.
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