trying to be honest but twitter is over capacity
by tifini kamara
I can never seem to open those clear bags at the grocery store.
To be honest, they make me feel like a retard.
From now on I think I might just grab a handful of grapes and take them to the check out lane.
I haven't had a six pack since I was 24; so about 1000 beers and a year ago.
Is it me or are drag queens getting better looking?
They are so much more believable then they use to be
11: 18 a.m
My girlfriend is pregnant. I'm pretty excited.
To be honest, I'm not sure if the little bastard is mine but I guess we will find out if he comes out Chinese.
I went to a church over the weekend. I tried speaking in tongues.
It wasn't for me.
To be honest, I'm Jewish but I wanted to know what Jesus was all about.
So far I think he has some good ideas.
When I was on Pandora I typed in Nora Jones in the "add variety" tab.
She's got good music, when I told my friend Doug about it he called me gay...
or were we talking about Coldplay...hm...I can't remember.
I found my first gray hair. It freaked me out.
I think it was because I found it on my "happy trail"
I guess there's nothing happy about it anymore.
11:24 a.m 35-seconds
No chick is going to want to hook up with someone that reminds her of her grandfather...right?
But if she is I might be into that.
I've always wanted to know who let the dogs out...who? who? who?
Someone called my house thinking it was Domino's. They were local so I gave them the right number. Reggie thanked me and told me to "stay black" before hanging up.
To be honest, I've always wanted to be black.
I think I saw Prince walking down the street this afternoon.
One must admit he's a very cute man.
I got lost in his eyes..have you seen Purple Rain? There's a lot of soft lighting.
12: 15 p.m
I can't sing or play the guitar.
Growing up I always wanted to be in a band but my Dad thought music was for hippies or homos. Sometimes both.
12: 15 p.m- 12 seconds
The first time I ever made out with a girl I told her I was a musician. Went to 2nd base that night. (Giggity)
12: 19 p.m
We landed on the moon in 1969.
I think that was Speilberg's greatest masterpiece.
Just ran into my boss who is trying out skinny jeans for the first time...didn't have the heart to tell him that chicks were making fun of his bulge.
This morning I spilled coffee on my suit and then I thought to myself, "Was that So Raven?"
I went to pick up some ice cream and hit on the girl behind the counter. I think she's 17.
I thought about it...and by "it" you all know what I mean
For lunch I tried that double down from KFC
To be honest, I'm on the toilet right now. tweeting and pooping...twooping?