1190 0 0
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“That's Governor Gauda to you, punk!” This is the line from my speech “Killing Dennis Gauda.” The speech lost the Tall Tales competition at the division level, but I was unfortunate to have a chance to do this speech for Dennis Gauda …
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119031
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Where does the foam from the lattes go?
I'm not being flip--I want to know.
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119001
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The piss monster looks for clues of its childhood in the stains it leaves behind on the furniture.
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119033
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I can’t hold a job
I can’t hold a hammer
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119033
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Like the miserable sledgehammer am I, with no adjective in place to praise your moon, you are a hole well-worn into my favorite hanging rock. I've only been able to reinvent this wronged language, in which being moved…
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119020
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Still worried. I could use some more hope in my oatmeal.
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119054
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Fat, religious, full of himself,
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119020
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The president snapped awake at three AM. He realized he was a serial killer. Highly trained and equipped killers on his orders were summarily murdering thousands of raggedly dressed people in the name of Democracy.
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119000
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Testing how well he navigates
She didn't think he would find it
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119020
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Gee but it’s great after being out late,
Walking my lobster back home.
There’s little risk that she’ll turn into bisque,
Walking my lobster back home.
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119043
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strange daysi'm having lunch with the babyand we're talking about people-watchingand old souls and coffee and twizzlersit's a weird conversation but she's my babyso something about some apple not falling far from the treewould best fit in herebut anywayi feel like i'm…
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1190114
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I was little, very little, when Happiness went away. I moved the entire earth, walked in the ferns, poked in the river. Happiness had disappeared. I looked to the sky. I remember, the sun had the porous face of an orange. Not unlike my skin. My eyes fixed above, I saw it…
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119020
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I will watch your teeth measure the highway all the way home.
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119032
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http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/articles/2011/07/17/imagine_mimes_as_the_mbta_noise_police/
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119000
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The world had gathered to hear about how the world’s most expensive and scientifically advanced theme park had turned into one of the largest crime scenes, and nightmares, of the modern age.
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119000
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It was Phil Collins on MTV, “In the Air Tonight,” that helped cement it for me. It was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Well, not exactly the true beginning of the end. You would have to go pretty far back, honestly, to find the true root of it
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118930
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Valerie had purchased a new cell phone in late 2007, and, say a few months afterwards, in the beginning of 2008 a demon briefly took up residence in it. She had just returned home from running a few errands, and set her phone down on her desk. She had been focusing on…
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118900
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Long ago, when I was a child, like you, my grandfather told me about the wind.
He pointed to a willow whose branches were dancing in the breeze and asked me what I heard.
“Just the wind,” I answered.
He smiled and ran his hand acr
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118921
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Hey Handsome Rich Kid / Do you want to go boink boink in your Benz?
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118900
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(Recently unearthed from a “Lost Luggage” travel trunk abandoned in a train station in Salt Lake City, Utah) Dear Seamus: Boy, we sure did enjoy having you as a member of our family all those years. I would have to say you…
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118920
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The crow in darkness;visual palpitationsunder the street lamp. In the dark morningmy car disrupts the still cold;a blister on earth.Never mind the cat.The Japanese Peace Lillywill steal your last breath.The blacktop highway;a rough scab to cover thedeep man-cut…
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118932
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118900
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no one told him there was a place where heroes died, but he should have known it was in love
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118811
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We are / packed in a speck of dust / adrift across the universe, / revolving an ember.
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118894
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I'm hoping, I'm reaching,
I'm scratching the sky...
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118800
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On the parking lot of the bar, two in the afternoonYou notice the battered car, dented up body of a Ford escort,No hubcaps, plastic in two of windows,It yells a story to youA familiar storyHead into the bar2 O' clock in the afternoonIt's a nice, sunny, warm Saturday…
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118844
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fade away
glorious, golden
delicious
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118831
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Well, Bainz' dad didn't kill us for stealing his bomb because one of the drug addicts at my house was a cop. At least he said he was a cop, or knew a cop, or had something to do with the cops. I don't know for sure. I know he didn't look like a cop, at least he …
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118711
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Mary Jo told me to hire somebody to marry us in a ceremony in the living room up at the house on Fairlawn. This was to take place in two days. Her divorce was final, and she had to get married or else it was all over for her child custody. I guess I was
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118700
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She sold bottles of happiness at the marketplace. She woke up at dawn every morning to capture rays of happiness in the air. She would jump and let her fingers thread through each ray before sorting them into bottles. She always added a red ribbon to the tops of each…
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