Most read stories

The Squirrel that Ate Cincinnati

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The drug that brought me here is orange and opposable as a thumb. Therefore, send me a dollar and I will swim in your beautiful gaze like a new experience. We can be caviar together and create metaphors for the stars.

Mister and Miss Marital Bliss

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The canvas bag lay crumpled and moaning in the middle of the room as Mister and Miss Marital Bliss contemplated what to do to it next. Spots of deep crimson blossomed like spring flowers all over the white sack and a large pool had gathered underneath. Rivulets of blood…

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT THE FIREWORKS

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My chin is half-eaten. My chest is gone. There is a rhythm to how each flame licks me. Like how you used to in the mornings before work. Before the coffee. Before the toaster. Before a rose clenched between your teeth and dancing.

Fast Or Slow

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Some people burn slowWhile others burn fastAnd betweenAll kind of things happen:There's happiness sadnessJoy and angerSicknessThings happenAnd when you are in theWorldThe worlds molds youWith all it elixirs and tempationsThe good timesThen come the wounds and scarsAnd the…

Awesome!

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I’ve really had it up to here with people who say “awesome” of things that don’t inspire awe.

Closedness

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We are / packed in a speck of dust / adrift across the universe, / revolving an ember.

Killing Dennis Gauda II: Dennis Gauda Strikes Back

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“That's Governor Gauda to you, punk!” This is the line from my speech “Killing Dennis Gauda.” The speech lost the Tall Tales competition at the division level, but I was unfortunate to have a chance to do this speech for Dennis Gauda …

It Was the Heart of the Sixties

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I remember Freddie K bringing these fat Thai joints back with him from Viet Nam, and just one of those things would get us all so stoned at parties in Jolene’s upstairs apartment that we felt as if we could float down the long flight of stairs like we w

Trope City

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If the pen travels over a sheet of paper, it is not long before a metaphor appears. A fast, beautiful metaphor like friendship, or deformity. Think of the pen as a penis and the ink as semen. I just sit and laugh. Time impregnates an opportunity and a lon

Second Nature

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Women can often be found Sizing up each others’ tits

A Lei for a Sailor

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Petroleum products leaked from her shattered hull, still stinking of a battle its leaders not only lost, but forfeited.

actual flesh

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With nipples like those, rose-colored, we could have fed a nation!

Vanity Among Pigeons

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About four in the afternoon a pigeon began admiring itself in the shiny panel of a car door until another pigeon came along and it quit acting foolish.

Ah, the Trouble (Has Finally Arrived)

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with all these little battle worn pieces of history surrounding us all the time is that they don't really make up for the terrible news of just now. Those people showed us what they showed us. Good for them.We're the direct explosion of their…

"Dial Back the Snark" Speakers Scramble for Limited Gigs

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“‘Dial Back the Snark’ is an attempt to fight the cynicism that’s corroding America’s social fabric,” Myers says, mixing his metaphors. “It’s spreading like wildfire."

February 7th, San Diego

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When I step barefoot on sand you're here again warm and soft and you let me sink in while you hold me up and make my legs like running drunk in a dream; away from all the nice things everyone said about you. And it seems like you're right here…

Uncertainty Principle

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Aleister Crowley walks in and all of a sudden the bar's filled with angels and demons and pagan things. Wood nymphs and stuff like that. Wittgenstein, to his credit, keeps cool. He just stands over there next to the dart machine, pointing at things and naming them. Like…

Swings

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My backyard was first Grass tickling my bare feet Skipping along the bottoms of my toes. I broke my arm there; I always hurt myself Swinging. The fair was next, grownup kids Having adult fun Eating carnival food and drinking grownup things When no one was looking. …

Sinning and Sinning and Sinning

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Then I learned she was revealing all our sexcapades to this young priest. Forgive me, father, I have sinned. We had sex outdoors against a tree in Wisconsin and the tree was blending with our act and becoming one with my back rubbing up against the bark

Kegel Exercise

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1.It was unfair to my time and my small kitchen rug that it took me two days to finish reading Meg Pokrass' “The Big Dipper,” pp. 10-12

Good Grief

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Slowly slowly the veil is lifted

Two More for Akutagawa

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Heading for the fields one morning to paint haystacks, Vincent noticed his neighbor’s house ablaze.

THE ROOF NEEDS REPAIRED & ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS RAIN, RAIN, RAIN

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no, you said. like how the moon strangles with the side we can't see.

Hive

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Each brief life is lived in dedication// to the honeyed buzz of the colony,

One Man's Post

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There was a bottleneck ahead. We slowed down single-file, me behind, to wait our turn to pass the doorway of a vacant storefront church. In it, a lone black man sat atop an empty plastic milk crate. Nobody looked at him; they were all slowing down and cro

moms

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a few Hershey's Kisses tucked in with the note

I'll Show You God

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...the room was filled with a brightness and a breeze, making you think you were up in the clouds.

About My Dad

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My dad was in a barber training school where they cut off the tip of a bum's ear and taped it back on with scotch tape

The First Man

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For it is yours to tame

Story of the Once Magnificent Big Ole, Shaggy Tree's Awful Demise

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The world is beginning to lose what little hair it has left. Follicles litter the streets and scrape along merrily in the wind like one last turn of the world defying knob of being and knowing. But the thing I want to say here is how beautiful…