90 5 5
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“Don't move,” I said to my sister before getting out of the car. I squeezed my ten-year-old body through the crowd. The garbage bag wasn't really a bag.
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113433
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In a dazzle of emerald softness, it flew out into the breeze wanting for the red apple in the tree just outside my window. The power had gone out, spare change to total meltdown, and the air inside was stifling, thick with mind-numbing languor and mosquitoes. So I…
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2200
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I was writing clear sentences and having fun doing it.
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5332
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The President of the Board of Sanitation Workers had a business card printed up that read: Manure Connoisseur, to impress ladies at the Blue Collar Bar. Definitely not the Shit Shovelers, or SS, as some of his co-workers had suggested.
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10464
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"Merry Christmas, Willie."
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15941614
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"The carpet's hot lava," my son cries, pointing at the ground from the sofa."Yeowch!" I say, leaping next to him.We sit together for a moment, silently contemplating our predicament."We need to get downstairs," I tell him. He nods, but does not move. He stares at the hot…
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14844
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My little brother was just a kid, so he didn't put anything into it very often. Maybe a nickel. If he was lucky, a dime or a quarter per week, whatever he had left over from candy and pop-gun caps. I hated him for doing it. Hated how he carried it around the house…
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1239106
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They couldn’t have done it better if they’d waved guns around in the air.
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126043
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The blade was wielded by a spunky brunette with a German accent and a laugh that made me weak at the knees.
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68843
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We shut the door of her new apartment while Andy went back down to the car for one last load. Terry went into the bathroom and pissed blue. Blue, for God’s sake! Some pills she was taking. But she came back into the living room completely naked and pulled
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9154
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89732
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My parrot Poe freezes when a crow soars outside the window the same way I do when you approach my door. You come knocking late at night. What do you want this time? I yell. To come in you say, please. Go the fuck away, I respond but you keep…
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4722
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Now we've got crap circles showing up around the perimeter of our house.
Yes, crap circles. Not crop circles.
So, you think you've got it bad!
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72132
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I stabbed a man at the Blue-Buick Bar and Grill. This may not be shocking news, all things considered. The man I stabbed didn't think it was all that shocking, even while it was happening. I'd had a lot of those energy drinks -- six or seven -- even before I'd puked…
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5231
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#1. No chocolate or dessert ads of any kind after 8 p.m.
#2. No names such as Wild Ferret, Backhoe, or Bunny Bacon allowed on the internet after hours.
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