Beatnik Blonde
by Jane Hammons
The other second graders would never see a poem as lovely as a tree but we love e. e. because his balloon Man whistles far and wee. And his name is small. The other class marches to fife and drum and sometimes dosey-does. We swivel and swirl like things without words when Blair puts a man called Bird on the stereo.
“But when do you do plus and minus?” Mama asks and all the parents ask and then the principal. “And phonics?” Everyone wants to know.
Blair says taste the words with your fingertips.
“She won't last long,” Mama says and all the parents hope.
One day after school Mama gets mad. “If it wasn't for you I could've been.” She starts to cry. “Poetry.” She gets the hiccups like she does. “And jazz.”
Could've been tears her up and I don't understand. Then Blair is gone in her black tights, her blonde ponytail curling like ice cream down her back. She was just a substitute.
I get sad because I want to be mud-luscious and listen to bird songs. Mama smiles because now I know that red mixed with green makes brown. D says duhduhduh. And everything plus zero stays the same.
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Author's Note
The story editors love to tell me how much they love when they reject it. So something must not be working. It's part of a series, so maybe it can't stand alone?
Other stories by Jane Hammons
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Nothing like a curriculum. Eh.
Love this. Love mud-luscious.
Nice, Jane. Loved "her blonde ponytail curling like ice cream down her back."
Thanks, Martha--mud-luscious belongs to e. e. cummings--I should probably make that clearer in the story . . . I think in some other version it is . . . I've revised this so many times, I've lost track!
Perhaps the story editors are just idiots. Terrific small scene with so much going on it! Wonderful child's voice.
Forgot to say, I'm not sure I get the title, which seems quite at odds with the content. Just my thought.
Your story stands alone in my mind. It's got e.e. and Bird, mama's could've beens, a beatnik blond substitute teacher with innovative methods, the parents, the principal, a lesson in chromatology, and an arithmetic axiom. All tied together by a charming second grader's lively narrative. How can those editors possibly reject it?
I really like the premise of the flash growing from poetry, Kilmer & cummings. I don't think you need to make the cumming's reference any more emphatic, Jane. The balloon man establishes that for me.
Thanks everyone, for your comments. When I rework my nerve, maybe I'll try resubmitting (again).
This is lovely and fun in its child-like elan and impetuous moodiness. The title threw me off. I was expecting something older, hipper, groovy smooth like jazz.
Have you tried this at Pedestal Magazine. It has a John Amen sort of feel to it.
Nice story. Last line is my favorite: "And everything plus zero stays the same."
This reminds me of Charles Baxter's "Gryphon," which I absolutely adored. I love what you have going on in here.
The editors do NOT know what they are doing. You do. This is terrific. Favvvvvvvvvvvvvvve.
Everything plus zero stays the same -- great ending to a pitch-perfect piece.
Great piece, and an amazing close. Fav.
I adore this piece. We would really love to have this at 'Like Birds Lit' if you are interested. :)
Blink an eye around here - I missed this on first pass. But with a name like that it somehow was calling from behind the front oage - evrything about it is beat - everything plus reading this is more, much more. I dig it - this just sings: "The other class marches to fife and drum and sometimes dosey-does. We swivel and swirl like things without words"
Thanks, everyone, I appreciate your reads and comments on this little story.
This 'minds me of a teacher I had in high school, the man who made me look differently at life, to aspire to become something other than your average Jesuit-trained lawyer wannabe. The man screwed every chance I'd ever have for Harvard with his contagious, whacked out perspectives. God bless him.
Brilliant. I love the way “If it wasn't for you I could've been" is a complete sentence--great insight in that!
Uhm. LOVE. That is all.
I agree completely with Matthew: "Nice story. Last line is my favorite: "And everything plus zero stays the same."
A suggestion: reverse first two paragraphs. Then arithmetic bookcases this.
Oh, this is so lovely. Bring back Blair! Kids need the Blairs of the world
I don't like the tree and wee rhyme in first sentence.
Does mom have to cry? Every time a character cries, I take a step the other way.
And "makes brown" or something with the latter word is considerably stronger than the current title.
Yes, there's enough of ee in there, I think so too. Love all the sounds & images in here, like
"We swivel and swirl like things without words"
The could've kills me. Contrasted with the pace of this, the flippant style.
And that last line, like everyone else says: that says so much.
Excellent! Bravo.
Thanks, everyone, for the comments and suggestions.
Kick ass. Kudos here. That is one tight flash.
I really love this. It's like eating a delicious cookie.
Editors like to say that, "We LOVE THIS, but...no thanks." I don't understand that and I probably never will. Maybe it comes down to their space issues? Maybe they are just all very dull.
I don't know what doesn't work, because as far as I am concerned, it's all working very well.
Brilliant, Jane.
Cool.
This was a very enjoyable read. Those editors must not like to enjoy things.
i adore this.
i adore this.
'Everything plus zero stays the same,' is a great line!
Wow. I also love the "Everything plus zero stays the same." But I love much else in this as well. The "Could've been," and more. *