1053
by Jane Hammons
She'd shopped for food. She was sure of it. She checked her pockets.
Nothing.
She pulled into the doorway. Uncertain where to spend the night. Certain there'd once been a place with food. Here. This place. She remembered. Curtains. Small tables. Coffee cups thick-handled and sturdy. Crockery.
Some words came back.
She checked for her hat.
Gone.
Gloves.
Gone.
She'd had a blanket. Tarp? Something stiff and damp against her cheek. Newspaper?
Maybe hair.
Uncertain now, she wandered into the street.
She'd had a cart.
She was certain.
She looked around.
Gone.
Certain she'd once held something, she wrapped her arms around herself.
Nothing.
Nothing.
She pulled into the doorway. Uncertain where to spend the night. Certain there'd once been a place with food. Here. This place. She remembered. Curtains. Small tables. Coffee cups thick-handled and sturdy. Crockery.
Some words came back.
She checked for her hat.
Gone.
Gloves.
Gone.
She'd had a blanket. Tarp? Something stiff and damp against her cheek. Newspaper?
Maybe hair.
Uncertain now, she wandered into the street.
She'd had a cart.
She was certain.
She looked around.
Gone.
Certain she'd once held something, she wrapped her arms around herself.
Nothing.
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28
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1017 views
41 comments |
110 words
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Author's Note
I've been having trouble with words. So I started taking pictures. Then I found this place called 330 Words that publishes flash fiction with original photographs, which is where this first appeared.
http://330words.wordpress.com/about/
Other stories by Jane Hammons
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I'm happy to see a Jane Hammons piece here again. The words are just right.*
Thanks, Joani. It's nice to be back, if only with a very few words :)
The reductive process, piece by piece, down to the final subtraction: self. Telling and true.
Great short piece. Great lines with the best ( I think ) saved for last.
"Certain she'd once held something, she wrapped her arms around herself.
Nothing."
fav.
Oh, wow. I can't see your photo, but the text is potent and moving. The broken style so fits the subject.
Love, love, love.
Perfectly spare. Fave.
This *is* good.
Wasn't the title "1953" earlier, or did I mis-read?
Hey, thanks everyone.
Matt, the title is 1053--it's the address on the doorway in the photo.
I noticed that 3.0184 seconds after I posted...
;-)
This is sad, and awesome.
Exceptional piece -
"She checked for her hat.
Gone.
Gloves.
Gone.
She'd had a blanket. Tarp?"
Well-written, Jane. Good work. *
This is superb. Absolutely superb!
Wonderful piece. *
Katie, Sam, Michael and Beate--thanks so much for your wonderful comments. Appreciated!
ditto, kid. jingle.
Excellent, form and content: riveting, insightful, disturbing.*
Thanks, MP & JMC The camera lens has helped me find a focus again.
Oh, this got me. So bleak and hopeless. *
the voice here is perfection for this story. the elements (hat, crockery) are minimally perfect too.
Brava, Jane!
forgot to add the *
The best part, for me:
Gone.
Gloves.
Gone.
Sparse and perfect. Really good stuff, Jane!
Big * from this corner, too.
What falls away. Sparse just to the t, exactly, leaves such a haunting, hollow impact. A punch to the gut. How many of these do we pass right by on any given day without a second glance. I love this and you for it.
Fave.
Jane, so great to read you here again. Love the way 'gone' repeats, the starkness, the simplicity of the form. And great pic, too. Peace *
Thanks so much, Christopher, Susan, Michelle, Robert and Linda for your faves and kind comments.
So LOVE this, Jane, and love the whole concept of writing these micro-worlds with photos!! Exceptional! Big fave! ****
Exceptionally big thanks, Meg!
The contrast between 'blanket' and 'tarp' struck me hard as the street if I were to try to sleep on it. Great work. Photographs can be magical, powerful.
A fine relativity... picture, words.
star
thanks so much JLD I appreciate the star :)
Awesome work, Jane! You've done an amazing job with "1053."
Fav. This is perfection. Heartbreaking perfection but perfection nonetheless.
Thanks, Sally, Kathleen and Tim.
Often thought about the thoughts of the homeless. Never when they're not around though. This is a marvelous piece. I like the humble form and where it lands.
Wow! How intense, poignant and heartbreaking. I'm right there. Heart centered piece! I can see why it is included in The Fictionaut Weekly. Congratulations! *
Thanks so much Marcus and Michael. I appreciate the comments and the favs.
Love the economy of this one, Jane. So glad I found it through Editor's Eye!
thanks, Marcelle; I'm glad you found it too :)
That final image works so well. I love a story that can be clever without having to rely simply on being clever to have potency.
really good *
Thanks so much Caleb and Larissa!