Stories tagged news

Who Will Play Monica? That Is the Question

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It is absurd to think that a cockroach will wake up one day as a human. And it is certainly surreal to imagine that a fat pigeon in Paris, New York or Rome, say, or even Prague, will one day take up a pen and begin writing poetry, or wave the wand of phil

Orangutan sent to island to kick smoking habit

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the news

Breaking News

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On the news they said that there was a baby born in a stable. There are rumours that he may be the son of God but initial reports are unconfirmed.

Bear Crashes Picnic, Grabs I-Pad and Food

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Bear Crashes Picnic, Grabs I-Pad and Food Bear seen liking grocery stores on Facebook Bear seen posting some pretty grizzly photos Also, this just in: Global bacon shortage is going viral Folks, you’re plumb out of pork and fat and stuff G

Back in the USSR

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Russian church urges Pussy Riot members to repent

What Exactly Does Heaven Look Like?

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So what exactly does heaven look like? They asked. He first found himself floating above clouds before witnessing “transparent, shimmering beings arced across the sky, leaving long, streamer-like lines behind them.” An unknown female companion esc

Self Help For Daydreamers

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I think I’ll get a tattoo. Not just any tattoo, one I’ll regret. I’ll catch people peering at it, trying to interpret the twists and swirls of the black ink on my fair skin.

Big Pig News

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A pig weighing nearly 300 pounds was discovered in the back of a wrecked car in Youngstown, Ohio. The car, a Nissan Cube, was totaled, but Penelope the pig was unscathed. The car, which belongs to Wendy Thrasher, Penelope's owner, was apparently stolen

Dingo Unchained: Dog photographed stealing woman’s purse

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Dingo now on Facebook, liking everything Dingo seen at 7-11, paying with pile of $100 bills for an endless succession of sausage links Dingo spotted playing the lottery Dingo seen lounging on yacht with other Dingoes (What is the plural of Dingo?)

Worker Reprimanded For Flatulence

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An employee at the Social Security Administration’s Baltimore office has been formally reprimanded for "conduct unbecoming of a federal employee," specifically for disrupting co-workers "by passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor." According to the

Pet Chicken Alerts Wisconsin Couple To Blaze

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A Wisconsin couple says fire clucks, not fire trucks, helped them escape a blaze at their home. The couple's pet chicken woke them at about 6:15 a.m. Thursday. He says the smoke alarms didn't go off when the fire started in the attic of their attached g

Unreality Television

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I was told, take him round the back and deal with him. I mean, there’s no ambiguity in that, is there?

How to Write a Poem in 7 Easy Steps

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1. Research how to locate and outline the chin of a toy terrier. Find a toy terrier, outline its chin, then count the hairs on said chin to determine the number of lines your poem will have.

Short Fuse

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He flips through channels, looking for anything worth watching. Someone said a person's lifespan is shortened by 22 minutes for every hour of television watched. He should have been dead years ago. Eyes glazed over, he gapes at flickering images, a kaleidoscope of…

Profiling Robert Allen Zimmerman

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Since when has it become a crime to walk about a neighbourhood? No one will ever convince me that it 's okay to follow, harass, or approach any unarmed person with a gun and shoot them.