165 5 0
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Setting down the ceramic mug I gruffly and finally understood that the only thing that made me happy was her continual unhappiness, so fuck that new car and haircut. Dr. Dick is going to receive two nasty emails: One from me, and one from my lawyer.
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236663
|
Last week I came home early from work and caught my wife having sex with the Cookie Monster.
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10100
|
He shuffled in like an old lady and crashed into the seat, pulling his legs into his torso as best he could. He closed his eyes and moaned wretchedly. When he spoke, it was barely a whisper: “Tell me when it’s been ten minutes.”
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94410
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WARNING!! The following story was crazy. And by was, I mean, it had already happened. It was an entertaining lie, within another lie. In the end, I should have read the sign telling me to ‘Check my sanity at the door and place my rationale in the closet
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37300
|
Michael turned off the answering machine and leaned back on the couch. He looked up to the ceiling feeling a headache from this new ordeal his mother got him in.
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124010
|
It wasn't until about 2:30 that my hairpiece began mauling small children.
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118141
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I would ask for your name/if your tongue wasn’t in my mouth.
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28500
|
Remember that warning I gave back in Episode 1. Well if Episode 2 didn’t establish why I gave that warning, Episode 3 will. Believe me, it’s something that goes beyond what you could comprehend.
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73070
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"Everything was hunky-dory at my last job," Jim says of MediPet, a maker of veterinary supplies. "Then my manager quit and they hired this real fuddy-duddy. He gave me the heebie-jeebies."
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9062
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Please please PLEASE no more finger signs today. Lucy sick of finger signs. Yadda yadda yadda-Lucy doesn't know what Jane TALKING ABOUT! ENOUGH!
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413144
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In Aisle 4 the hungry come that man eft seeking yogurt fruit with on bottom, ywimpled to Delores the express lane clerk that her have a nice day levin leaping lightens his load.
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30100
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They check the alleys where cats jumped off garbage cans, running away. They visited the zoos where the attacks occurred looking for clues.
|
2300
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The plan had been almost four hundred years in the making, ever since that fateful September 11th in 1714 when Barcelona fell to the Bourbon army who had been laying siege at its city walls.
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25800
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The shopkeeper felt his body lifted up in the air. He flipped over and saw the jaws of the gator, wide enough to swallow him whole.
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24800
|
The wrestler took his arm and made the shopkeeper run to the ropes. As Michael bounced off the ropes and ran back to Lobo, the wrestler jumped up and stretched his legs into the storeowners face.
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