I.
You tell yourself at 3 a.m. it's not your fault, it's not your age;
that obsolescence is a phase you're going through. You try to sleep
but can't because the permafrost is melting, because you can't
tune out the tantric rumble from the apartment next door,
because there is a fist-shaped hole in the wall
above your bed where your conscience used to be.
II.
So you count sheep, count blessings; thank god
for incongruity, for the paradox of appetite and famine,
for the synergy of empathy and rage. You count by tens,
count backwards, rewind your life, but the reel
becomes the reflection inside the reflection inside the reflection;
the past, no more than a parking fine you forgot to pay,
the future, an abandoned warehouse at the corner
of why bother and who cares.
III.
You wonder where it all went wrong. You marched in step
from 9 to 5, kept perfect pace, pledged allegiance to enforced mediocrity,
until the day they let you go—the day you knew that you were never
Buddy Holly on their plane; just another passenger, brilliant but doomed.
That day you drove too fast through school zones, touched wet paint,
stared directly at the sun, because you could, because you finally understood
that there were no rules, only suggestions.
IV.
You rise at 5, fill your plate with free-range eggs and a side
of indecision, bite back the dull uniformity of it all.
You contemplate the fretwork of your hand—the thin genetic thread
that divides you from your simian predecessors,
from the lone gunman on a turreted roof.
V.
At 5:19 you hold tight to your fork. You can't stop
thinking about the gunman and the ape; you can't stop
wondering how you'll do it, how you will manage,
how you will defend yourself when all you have left
is a keyboard and a grudge.
53
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Published in Mobius: The Journal of Social Change
http://mobiusmagazine.com/poetry/gunmanan.html
Sally, Sally, Sally. A remarkable piece. A favorite. I love this phrase: " ...,it's not your age;that obsolescence is a phase you're going through." And, I like the thought that went into it.
Yep. Good straight through.
Particularly good weave/use of title and meaning of it all.
Excellent poem, Sally. Does envy become me?*
GOOD.
Vigorous rhythm, just vigor everywhere. Fantastic.
*
The good news is, this is good.
The bad news is that we are all lone gunmen sometime, somewhere.
brilliant. just spot on, sally.
God, I love this. The hot anger. This is my favorite:
"You count by tens, count backwards, rewind your life, but the reel becomes the reflection inside the reflection inside the reflection; the past, no more than a parking fine you forgot to pay, the future, an abandoned warehouse at the corner of why bother and who cares."
To paraphrase Flannery O'Connor, "Where you come from is gone. Where you are's no good unless you can get away from it, and where you're going to never was there."
Really good. Probably not meant to be funny, but I laugh. What else can you do?
Nothing to say about the writing. It's clear. It's clean. It works.
All reads and comments greatly appreciated.
This is a piece that came to me as one continuous blob, then with editing, seemed to naturally divide itself into sections.
The editor at Mobius (FJ Bergman) liked it well enough to help me with line breaks so it displayed as a poem.
Rereading it, there's not a thing I'd change (which is unusual for me).
Great when others enjoy as well.
Love this Sally ~ resonates with me for so many reasons. Loved Gary's comment: "Does envy become me?" I'm "faving" that as well as this piece. Really really well done - form, language, rhythm, images, metaphors ~ both straight up and mixed. You've hit a home run here Sally! *
Nice. Agree with JLD. *
"thank god /for incongruity, for the paradox of appetite and famine, /for the synergy of empathy and rage."
Very nice.
Wow, first read this morning. This will be tough to beat all day, no side of indecision about that. Maybe a grudge and keyboard, though. Well done.
Here lies brilliance. fave fave fave. Damn this is good.
It's hard to add to the above comments so I'll just ditto them. Although I'll add that as brilliant as this is, my first instinct is to smash it with a hammer. Or shoot it. Damn the truth, ya know? Excellent work.
All of the above. *
Let me echo Steven Gowin's and Bill Yarrow's chosen lines.
Refreshing directness and layered complexity.
Thought of Marianne Moore a bit while reading it. *
Very moving. Thank you.*
Thanks all for taking the time to comment.
**
Teresa - "my first instinct is to smash it with a hammer. Or shoot it. "
Exactly. That's the exact feeling I was aiming for.
**
I'm considering a sequel. Something along the lines of "The Guppy and the Aphid" or "The Gurgle and the Aphorism" -
I can't decide.
**
Stunning ending. *
"obsolescence is a phase you're going through"
"a keyboard and a grudge"
I could go on. Technically excellent of course but, above all, truthful. A fave.
incredibly wonderful work.
Great story. Love the "free range eggs."*
Really excellent. I could quote loads of lines , but OK, here's my favourite: 'the future, an abandoned warehouse at the corner
of why bother and who cares.' *
Wow.*
I've read this a couple of times over the last few days. Really tremendous! *
A lot of out-of-breathness here, which fits the poem well. Great job!
ok, everyone here has gushed out my first reactions. so i'll give you my second one.
there's that point in the life of a thinking body when it hits you that 'there were no rules, only suggestions.'
it's a big realization, the kind that rips the sky open and shows you that there's this whole other world beyond everything you knew...
but here's the thing. it's not the end. having that understanding doesn't make a magical path appear that's all roses and rainbowed-singing dragonflies... there's still the gunman and the ape. and all you've got is the same old keyboard/grudge. i love that you didn't make it easy.
also - the structure suits this so well.
fantastic all-around.
Oh, yes. You've tapped into all our dark nights, Sally. It's why we read. *
Love the insomniac voice in the endless dark
Glad I stumbled into this! Fav.
I absolutely love this! So finely crafted & the narrative power is deeply moving—as melancholy & existential reflection done right should be. So many good images/metaphors that fall naturally into the story’s place. Maybe my favorite: “You rise at 5, fill your plate with free-range eggs and a side/of indecision. . . .” Lots of others too, especially the tight, resigned affirmation at the poem’s end: “how will you defend yourself when all you have left is a keyboard and a grudge.” A super finely honed piece, Sally.
yep, faving it!
Super work, Sally. Fave.
"obsolescence is a phase you're going through." Genius. Narrative and image in sync, difficult. Great writing.
That abandoned warehouse scares me. But since I began exploring Atheism, I now believe in mostly WYSIWYG. We'll bring our own party to the place...no other expectations.
Loved The Gunman and the Ape!
The keyboard and grudge in this piece are mightier than the sword, the gun, and the pen. Wooo... What a fine hunk of grist was this grudge for your mill!
I'd love to hear this read by Rod Serling.
That final section is the kicker - unexpected and chilling.
Love the fist-shape hole in the wall above your bed. Makes us think of a "boxer and the ape". Makes us think.
"...you finally
understood that there were no rules, only suggestions." The whole of it, too, so excellent. *
"obsolescence is a phase you're going through"
I'm keeping up, as long as I can thumb this keyboard.
Potent words Sally, I loved every word.
So many good lines in this, I find it hard to quote just one. Usually one or two lines or phrases will stick out and beg my mind for acknowledgement, but every stanza has a jewel to admire. I would have to quote it all.
LOVE that last line!!
I love the metaphor of the warehouse on the corner of "why bother" and "who cares" and the day you stared at the sun, because you could and the last verse is just stunning. The keyboard is the gun! *
See? This is what I'm talking about. You're damned good.
*
This has some of the best phrases I have read for a while.
'a fist-shaped hole in the wall
above your bed where your conscience used to be'.
' thank god for incongruity, for the paradox of appetite and famine, for the synergy of empathy and rage.'
'You count by tens, count backwards, rewind your life, but the reel becomes the reflection inside the reflection inside the reflection'
And I can jst keep going on n on n on.
LOVED this one, Genuinely ******
Just decided I hadn't read enough of your work, Sally, and here's why that proves it dead on. This is sheer great.
Man, you were on a roll that picked me up like lint to a raging, rollicking, runaway Velcro ball and the ride was terrific!
But now, I stumble towards my own "abandoned warehouse"...because I think, I think, I care.
I cannot believe I never read this before.
Fine piece. Loved the pondering and the line about where conscience used to be.
Fantastic piece. Cuts to the bone."*"
I genuinely do like this. I think it repeats its points and is a bit telly in places, and think it could work alternatively as a free verse sestina if you wanted to write a second draft of it, but there are still a lot of good lines here and thematic unity, so it's a perfectly sound poem overall.
I read this piece at 3 AM and can confirm it all.