10,000
It's the square of 100, the exact age she died. Not square, more like a pear, a pair, paring sentences down to “golly gee” or “don't ya know.” She lived in the Land of 10,000 Lakes, never set a digit in a single one. Until her last decade, too frugal to travel, her ten children brought tales of the world-at-large. Her friends called her Cleo not Cleopatra, they shared the same hook nose, nostrils flared.
Dollar
During the course of her life Cleo screwed every single President. Her favorite lover was John F. Kennedy, she adored his idiosyncrasies, his stooped, loopy gait. Every time they go-cart raced, she beat the living crap out of him. He'd suck on her toes until they'd wrinkle. Upon leaving, he'd place a dollar bill in her bathrobe. She kept them in an aluminum piggy bank in her basement.
Pyramid
The schemers came and went during her lifetime. Big money developers who lost fortunes in get-rich-quick vapors. Entire household savings could go like the collapse of a skyscraper, or a plunging meteor. She was a positioner, loved to gain from another's loss. Had a knack for sucker lists, loved the bait-and-switch, zig-zag scams, the apex of a prism. Cleo died in her sleep at the Luxor Hotel, lights beaming at the top.
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Published in Elimae, February 2011. The 15th Anniversary Issue! Congratulations, editors, Cooper and Brandon!
http://www.elimae.com/2011/02/Dollar.html
A Finalist in the 2012 Micro- Awards. Thanks Alan Presley!
Published in Diptychs + Triptychs + Lipsticks + Dipshits (Deadly Chaps), Dec. 2013: http://www.createspace.com/4557487
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Rock on, Robert! This is terrific. And you gotta hand it to elimae. 15 years is a long run for any literary magazine, but online it's an eternity.
Thanks Jim! I completely agree, Elimae has outlasted so many magazines that I know, and I was thrilled when Brandon took this piece. Was certainly a goal of mine.
It's a great piece, Robert. Wonderful form. Everything clicks here.
Remarkable phrasings in this short story. So much intrigue in such a short space.
"..., never set a digit in a single one."
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Thanks Sam. I am very grateful for your comments.
Additionally, Ann, I really appreciate you reading "10.000 Dollar Pyramid" and commenting.
I've been following your forums at Fictionaut and feel so informed from your insightful comments on various topics.
Read this at Elimae. Congrats to you again on getting this published there.
This is a superb piece in many ways. Instructional, I think, for anyone wanting to write flash/micro fiction.
Thanks, Christian. I am humbled by your sweet praise. Really blown away. I appreciate your endorsement in this manner.
Love the gathering momentum of this beginning with the evolution of that first image from square to pear to pair to pared down. Good stuff, Robert!
Thanks, Cynthia! I appreciate your read and comments.
I like how so much is conveyed in these 3 scenelets. As I noted before, great mouth feel; the language is gorgeous. peace *
Thanks Linda!
How nice of you to add your comments here, and to say such lovely things about Cleo's tome.
I'm sure Jen M will tell you, but I am stuck in Milwaukee. I'll send the details to you in an e-mail. Have a great time at AWP.
Such an interesting and funny piece with a great "structure", read it first at elimae and still got the same impression here!
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So happy you enjoyed this one, Susan. Getting into Elimae was a milestone for me! I'm so grateful to have that experience and the feedback from you is always meaningful.
Missed this, Robert, first time 'round. Interesting form and story. Congratulations on breaking the Elimae barrier.
Not surprised why Elimae took this one. It's fantastic.
James: Thank you so much. I am grateful for your support
Hi Amanda,
You are so sweet. Thanks boss, for such high compliments.
Just great. All of it.
Thanks, Tina. You are a doll.
The triptych form suits you so well, Robert. I like things that do not immediately (or possibly/better yet: never) remind me of something else. It's short fiction, sure. It's a triptych. But more than anything else it's Robert Vaughan, & I am thankful for that. Congrats to you & to elimae for staying true to the ideals that make each of you you.
Parker, I am overwhelmed by your sentiments and feel so fortunate and proud to count you as my writing buddy. You know that I share admiration for your work, and its dazzling surprises. Thanks so much for your support here. Means the world to me.
Liked it a lot. It was brilliant and tight! Cleo is a grand character. The only thing that threw me is the opening line as I jumped to the square root of 100 being "ten" so was that when she died? Then I got it. Economy of language is A+
The triptych form put to maximum use here as is each line and image. Such a well-crafted piece, could read an entire collection of R. Vaughan triptychs. Kudos on the elimae placement - a perfect match. *
Cleo IS a character with a capital "C"! She must've had to work at missing all of those lakes, and I love her knack for sucker lists. Big fave. Congrats on Elimae.
@ Tim: Thanks a ton. So happy you like this one.
@ Julie: You are too kind, thanks for the compliments.
@ Kim: Cleo is something else, isn't she? I appreciate your enthusiasm about this piece and thanks for the congrats.
Love the conceit of this flash - it works so well - funny, smart, Cleo is a great character *!
Marcelle,
You are so kind, thanks for these lovely words. I am grateful that you enjoyed Cleo and her quirks and eccentricities. It was fun to write. I hadn't thought of it as conceit, so that was insightful and gave me pause. One of the many things I adore about this site!
Aw, these are great, Robert! Such wonderful characterization. My mom had a friend named Cleo. True story! I really love all the details of this. And what a fit ending. Good for Elimae for publishing this. (I think "gate" should be "gait")
Star*
Thanks so much, Kathy! I have been told by more than just a couple friends that they knew a Cleo. I always like hearing this! I'm glad you think Elimae was a good fit for this. And would you believe, I never even saw the "gate" factor, so thanks for the edit suggestion and the fave!
I got this link from 6S and man, I'm glad I followed it. Excellent piece, Robert!
Man, you captured the Luxor, Cleo and all. We live 25 miles SE of the flash 'n' trash of Vegas. I'm sending the URL to our local friends. Terrific triad. *
Elimae is fortunate to have this. Great piece. Love the triptych form.
@ Ramon: Thanks so much for your support! I had no idea that you lived so close to Vegas. You are a gem, Ramon.
@ Bill: As an admirer of every piece I have ever read of yours, this means the world to me. Thanks a million!
Great fun read. Love the structure.*
This is wonderful.
@ Jane: So grateful that you enjoyed this. Thanks for the support.
@ Lou: Thanks a ton. Means a lot!
A very cool story. The ending works so damn well.
This is awesome -- it says so much with so little, and there is something very "Vegas" about it -- the transience of her lovers, maybe.
@ Jeffrey: thanks for reading and the comments.
@ Angela: I appreciate you taking the time and your comments intrigue me in a great way! Thanks.
Robert, this is awesome. High fives, friend. And a fav!
Erin, I am so thrilled that you liked it and thanks for your comments and of course for your fave. Big smiles.
completely outrageous - Luxor was the final brilliant touch but did oh so like land of 10,000 lakes as it reminded me of the motherland
love.
Read this through the forum link and had to come here and fave it. I loved this. Very quirky, interesting, and fun to read. I did not know what to expect as I read it. Loved it!
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@ Michael: Thanks so much for your supportive comments!
@ Timothy: Means a ton coming from you. Thanks!
@ Gloria: So happy you enjoyed this piece. All three of you made my morning, so thanks for reading and commenting!
I enjoyed looking at Cleo's life from top to bottom and back again. The use of the powers of ten in the first segment was very nice, and I liked the way you picked it up again with Cleo's toes in JFK's mouth. I kind of felt it fitting that she should die in the pyramid, instead of being reverently placed there afterward, and the glowing apex made me think of the all-seeing eye one the back of a dollar bill. So interestingly put together. Engaging. *
Grey, I can't thank you enough for your wonderful comments. Whenever I have a book of shorts come out, I will gladly pay you for the cover endorsement! You have such en eye for details and how things are connected that even I was unaware of. And thanks for the fave, too! Means a lot.
I am really loving the rhythm of these passages. Excellent stuff.
When I read the part about Kennedy, I just wanted to know more...
@ Marcela- Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed this so much.
J. Bear Savo...I'm enjoyed that you read this and wanted more. It's all on hand. Stay tuned.
There's a lot of originality in this. I love the triptych form here. I don't think it could be any other way: a whole lifetime packed into these three small, giant parts.
Thanks Michelle. I appreciate your insights and am thrilled that you liked the story and its form.
The best flash fiction flows something like a poem, or a dream. It has the gravity and depth in one page for what it takes some writers 15 to 20 to pull off. This story certainly achieves this.
I am blown away by your comments, Mark. Thanks a million for your support.
This rocks, Robert.
Thanks so much, Randal. I appreciate your nice comment.
I concur, Robert. Great imagery. Very strong piece. Congrats the on the elimae pub!
This is fabulous. Fab-u-lous.
@ Jen M: Thanks so much!
@ Jen K: So nice of you to say! I'm so thankful.
Robert, this is a wonderful piece, well-sketched out and precise. It's fun but there's a deeper undertow to it that beats as a human heart. Congratulations on its publication at the great elimae!
Dear Susan,
Oh how you have made my day brighter, the snow lighter, the dance silllier, the scene lovelier. I am so grateful for you and our connection via the many outlets of writing we share.
This story reads like well thought-out and reflective file notes on a woman, and reviewed after she died. Like highlights picked out of a life and strung together to make a whole from the most important moments.
Robert, I faved when I first read, but am just getting back to comment - forgive my delay! Form, humor, character, and energy - a winning combination.
Love the triptych construction, and the doubling image of the pyramid as apex of the story, closing on lights at the top. This section really gathers force - "get-rich-quick vapors","collapse of a skyscraper","plunging meteor","bait-and-switch", "zig-zag scams" (okay, yeah the WHOLE thing).
And - so terrific - I see clearly this implicit image of the pyramid on the back of the dollar bill, with its apex eye, winking at me. *
Well-deserved congrats on Elimae!
Catherine, thanks for the fave and this feedback was well worth the wait. It's simply amazing. I really appreciate you coming back to the piece to comment.
Love the ending line, and the structure. Felt I could see it all!
Thanks a ton, Gill! Cleo thanks you too!
Like a comet. Now you see it - now you don't. But, you know you saw it, you know it was there. It left a whisp in your brain. . .magical stuff, Robert.
Love this comparison, like a comet! Cleo loves it too. Thanks again MAR! You are the best.
I love this! I wonder how many dollar bills Cleo had in her piggy bank by the time she died at the Luxor? :) I so enjoy your delightful, bite-sized trilogies.
Thanks so much, Sophie! You are a treasure for letting me know.
Not surprised this piece is so popular - fantastic from top to bottom. Your economy is what seals the deal - so much story in so little space and I feel like I've just seen the film version. Great stuff.
Thanks so much, DJ! I appreciate your generous comments!
Very cool format - I've done triptychs with visual art - so why not writing? It really works. It's also kind of like 3 songs on an EP - short little self contained stories that play well together. Very clever idea to use a piece of the over all title for each of the segments! It enhances the symmetry and unity. Fave!
MGM, you are a rock star! Your comments are always so insightful, love the comparison to music, and in this case, the visual art triptych. I had the idea cooking for quite some time, and have used past "iconic" game titles, or 60s, or 70s folkloric or totemic items to be the construct for a piece. Fun to write, and so thrilled that you appreciate this one.
I love the story of this piece, but the form is very exciting and inspiring -- it's convinced me try an in-progress piece as a triptych, so thanks for that.
Thanks Jonathan! Glad this one spoke to you!
I like how the images, words, lines, suggestions and associations scramble in so closely together and curl into each other. The clever playfulness wrapped that tightly around itself so densely make a kind of anti-gravity effect that uses sound to lift the pieces into place and fly.
Tantra,
What a lovely comment! I so appreciate you and that you left this shimmering present for me. Thanks!
Wow - a truly worthy finalist for the Micro Awards! In a few words, you spark off images that bounce off each other and interlink - I read it three times, and each time I came away with something new. Bravo.
Mandy, thanks so much, and happy to share this honor with you as well.
This is terrific.
Thanks so much, Darin!
Very glad I discovered this Fictionaut classic. The iron grip of emotion from such a small hand has left a consensual bruise.
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Matthew, thanks a ton! You are so kind to dredge this oldie up and comments so nicely.
Gotta wonder what she'd say about screwing Nixon. Might be a whole 'nother chapter. Love this!
Matthew, you are wonderful! Thanks for reading and the supportive comments are great!
This is exceptional work. Bravo.
Sorry I didn't see this sooner, Wallace. Thanks so much!
Robert, in three sections, you've developed not only a complete character I can imagine -- you've provided us with a beautiful sample of formal acumen. This is so great -- I love the Kennedy section. This girl would make any president happy, I'm sure. Big smile after reading this. (Looking forward to seeing you in NYC at KGB!)
Thanks, Philip, you are so lovely and generous with your comments. I really appreciate your words, and you.
This is fantastic stuff. I wish I had read it months ago. The way you create a full character and story in these three tiny sections is incredible.
Nate, you are so kind! Thanks for the lovely comments.
These two lines kill me:
"Every time they go-cart raced, she beat the living crap out of him. " Why do I love that? I don't even know what this does, only that I really like it.
And
"Cleo died in her sleep at the Luxor Hotel, lights beaming at the top." I know why I like this one. Because the location of her death was inevitable and thus perfect.
Steve, I can't thank you enough for your gracious, and generous comments. I appreciate them, and you!
I've read this story so many times elsewhere. How come I've never come here to find it?
Terrific and original writing.
Big big *
Michelle, thanks does not even begin to cover my gratitude for this, and for you.
Love how playful this is. Love the sound, the rhythm-- it begs to be read aloud. Love math. 'Love' the Luxor too. We stayed there one time, jokingly, 'ironically'--if one can ironically inhabit a room. I mean, it's so out there, that place. But then, so is Vegas.
Ray, you rock! Thanks for reading this so recently, and also much after many others. I appreciate your comments and support.
Like I said, I love math. My fave happened to push this to fifty I notice. And--how about that?-- this comment pushes this to one hundred! Spooky.
Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh, Ray. Spooky or not, I adore this.