Stories tagged humour

The Majesty of the Infinite

859859 views00 comments00 favs

The other night at work, some kid was in for swallowing a snail's shell. He was nine and, according to the computer, did not have cognitive insufficiency. That last bit was probably put there to make us all not feel guilty about laughing at him.

The Gaps Within

213213 views66 comments22 favs

I don't understand now's dislike of the mini deaths. The daily deaths that happen all around you. Skin shedding cells, fallen hairs clinging like cobwebs to a fuzzy coat, the crescent moon of a clipped nail, the tooth twisted at school till it falls on…

Summer Party Advice, From Father to Son

6868 views11 comment00 favs

“Hey guys,” I said in a cheerful tone. “Whut up, dawgs?” If you want to communicate with kids these days, it helps to know the latest in “hip-hop” slang.

Riding the tube to work

235235 views1111 comments77 favs

Mario was a dafty, a pure numpty, and he didn't have a clue what he was doing. 1. Tube (noun) Scottish slang for idiot. I knew from previous shifts that my thighs would hurt as if I'd done the Grand …

Fiction ought...

167167 views55 comments33 favs

Pun-tastic poem.

The Garden Heaters Of Kilburn

887887 views22 comments00 favs

when women’s hair shrinks into tight curly balls and sits on top of their heads like scrunches of wool, blowing in the wind, hanging from the mouths of recently shot deer.

The Strange…’ARSE!!…Case of John Tourette

4646 views00 comments00 favs

It was the evening of 24th of October 1642, the day after the bloody battle at Edgehill. Long into the night I was still attending the wounded from that most horrific of encounters. Working for the Parliamentarians under the tyrannical rule of Oliver Crom

Jack the Ripper,.....NOT!.....

3333 views22 comments11 fav

I stumbled out of the tiny ram shackled theatre in the bowels of the East End of London, my head spinning, sweat pouring profusely down my forehead. I loosened my cravat gasping for the cold night air. It was no use, my breathing became more and more…

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

9393 views44 comments55 favs

"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

22 views00 comments00 favs

"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

The Alternative Zodiac

18451845 views55 comments22 favs

Instead of these gew-gaw ‘signs’ you waffle about, I will give you reality

Fictionaut Is Audited

15561556 views3333 comments2020 favs

Somehow, random phrases and sentences from the stories, comments and profile pages were generated as “replies”.

in response to Jerry Ratch's "twitter quitter"

875875 views33 comments22 favs

breaking down the doors to get in

The Story

798798 views33 comments11 fav

He pronounced the Afrikaans word with the vowel sound like the vowel in dour. It meant box, but it also meant cunt.

Swashbuckling in the Dark: Prologue

107107 views33 comments00 favs

The night sky was scorched red with fire; the once peaceful night now had become a living nightmare. At first, it had been the distant booming of cannon fire, but now the terrified screams tore through the night. Louder still was the ringing in my head and the sound of…