Stories tagged humour

The Majesty of the Infinite

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The other night at work, some kid was in for swallowing a snail's shell. He was nine and, according to the computer, did not have cognitive insufficiency. That last bit was probably put there to make us all not feel guilty about laughing at him.

The Gaps Within

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I don't understand now's dislike of the mini deaths. The daily deaths that happen all around you. Skin shedding cells, fallen hairs clinging like cobwebs to a fuzzy coat, the crescent moon of a clipped nail, the tooth twisted at school till it falls on…

Summer Party Advice, From Father to Son

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“Hey guys,” I said in a cheerful tone. “Whut up, dawgs?” If you want to communicate with kids these days, it helps to know the latest in “hip-hop” slang.

Riding the tube to work

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Mario was a dafty, a pure numpty, and he didn't have a clue what he was doing. 1. Tube (noun) Scottish slang for idiot. I knew from previous shifts that my thighs would hurt as if I'd done the Grand …

Fiction ought...

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Pun-tastic poem.

The Garden Heaters Of Kilburn

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when women’s hair shrinks into tight curly balls and sits on top of their heads like scrunches of wool, blowing in the wind, hanging from the mouths of recently shot deer.

The Strange…’ARSE!!…Case of John Tourette

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It was the evening of 24th of October 1642, the day after the bloody battle at Edgehill. Long into the night I was still attending the wounded from that most horrific of encounters. Working for the Parliamentarians under the tyrannical rule of Oliver Crom

Jack the Ripper,.....NOT!.....

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I stumbled out of the tiny ram shackled theatre in the bowels of the East End of London, my head spinning, sweat pouring profusely down my forehead. I loosened my cravat gasping for the cold night air. It was no use, my breathing became more and more…

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

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"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

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"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

The Alternative Zodiac

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Instead of these gew-gaw ‘signs’ you waffle about, I will give you reality

Fictionaut Is Audited

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Somehow, random phrases and sentences from the stories, comments and profile pages were generated as “replies”.

in response to Jerry Ratch's "twitter quitter"

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breaking down the doors to get in

The Story

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He pronounced the Afrikaans word with the vowel sound like the vowel in dour. It meant box, but it also meant cunt.

Swashbuckling in the Dark: Prologue

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The night sky was scorched red with fire; the once peaceful night now had become a living nightmare. At first, it had been the distant booming of cannon fire, but now the terrified screams tore through the night. Louder still was the ringing in my head and the sound of…