768 2 2
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Mildred Johnson bought a TV and broke it. Maybe the TV Man will come now, she thought. Maybe the TV Man will come now, she hoped.
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30822
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The trained circus tiger is not mean, a mean creature. Neither is any tiger, for that very important matter. They do not possess this so very extraordinarily, terribly human characteristic. Few animals do. Raccoons do, but not cats or their much larger, striped brethren --…
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13476
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She, for her own comfort, palmed several Xanax and allowed the pillowy distance between them to inoculate her from his barrage of criticism.
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50011
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There once was a man who couldn’t spell cat
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10266
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That bottle of Oban your agent sent on publication of your novel is completely drained, the congratulatory note in silver Sharpie still readable on the glass.
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4400
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In my dream the mother has replaced all the cookware with stone tablets
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15976
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I’m not a religious man by definition, but I said two Our Fathers while I was pissing.
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4411
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Do you remember me telling you once, “My tits exist for the sole purpose of being sucked by you?” I bet you don't. But I remember what they said about me. “If she snores all night, that's one thing. If she fucks the lights out of the sky, that's another.”
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100554
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Been looking for guns.
His guns have turned up missing.
He’s been looking for the guns.
Looking for guns.
The au-pair must’ve snuck back in
And took the guns.
And the baby.
The baby must be crawling off with
Guns again.
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38933
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TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM. Squeak squeak squeak squeak. TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM squeak squeak. TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM squeak squeak. TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM squeak squeak.
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5411
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It is absurd to think that a cockroach will wake up one day as a human. And it is certainly surreal to imagine that a fat pigeon in Paris, New York, or Rome, say, or even Prague, will one day take up a pen and begin writing poetry, or wave the wand of phi
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111776
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The window washer started saving pigeons whose feet were wrapped in fine black thread, the result, he informed me, of picking through trash bins. They are very intelligent, he went on to explain. (Right, trash bins, I thought to myself.) People tend to av
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10155
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· Frozen chestnuts make for poor bedfellows · Too many people in paisley make me nervous · Three manuscripts strike a pose on the floor of…
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14587
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A chicken vendor twisted the neck of the bird and held the spasming body tightly, while he threw away the head into a basket underneath the counter.
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39100
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Auntie tells us a story. Nobody wants to hear a story, but Auntie tells one anyway.
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