Stories tagged story


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I took her out to a drive-in movie and we had sex in the back seat of my car. Then went into the concession stand to get something sweet after so much sex, and everyone was in there doing the same thing, you could tell by the flushed look on their faces

Ketchup In the Eye, 1

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It was my latest book, Ketchup in the Eye. It was on the best-cellar list of books that didn’t sell all that well, or at all, for that matter. Well, what the hell. Anyway, yeah, Ketchup in the Eye. It’s kind of a funny story. But maybe that was its prob

Micro-Managing My Fish at the Fish Market

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The girl at the fish counter was obviously brand-new and hated her job. She didn’t know where to place her knife on the fish to slice off two-thirds of a pound. “No, I said two-thirds a pound.” She was way down the piece of tail, at about a third po

Code 33M at the White Front Store

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“Attention, Shoppers,” the loudspeaker announced. “Yes, it’s that time of the month and Moonlight Madness has officially begun.” The manager of toys came sprinting into the warehouse behind the store. He wa

Don't Drink the Water in America

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During a party at your house, don’t be surprised if Americans just walk up to your fridge and help themselves. And you can forget public nudity with them, intoxication, or urination. Did we mention the violence of U.S. toilets? Americans are proud o

The Bad Tourist Handbook (with some constipation, but precious little consternation)

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A is for Apple, Arse, and Activia B is for Bad tourist C is for “Crap!” and Can’t poop! D is for “Damn it, I can’t poop!” E is for “Can’t ‘Efing poop!” F is for “F… everything, I still can’t poop!” G is for “Garbage-mouth, I cannot poop!” H

The Psychopath Less Travelled

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The windows were open at the pink apartment building, upstairs and down. People enjoying the warm day and the remains of the sunlight, when this woman in one of the upstairs apartments began yelling about the Children of Israel. It was approaching dinnert

Big Ruckus

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Suddenly a big ruckus or commotion erupted in the restaurant “Yeah, come and get it, if you want it so bad,” said the waiter Pulling off his white apron and tossing it on an empty table “I got your red snapper, right here.” He grabbed his crotch

Meat-loving Ravens Are Snatching Steaks from Costco Customers

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Customers at a Costco in South Anchorage, Alaska, have been noticing that their shopping bags are a little lighter, and it all has to do with some cunning birds that hang out in the parking lot looking for their next meal. The Anchorage Daily News rep

Return to the Nudist Camp

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I know you probably don’t want to hear any more of this nudist stuff about my family and all, but this Reamer guy was a red-faced German boozehound if there ever was one. He married my brother’s ex-wife Beryl, after Harris left her to her cheap red jug wi

The Girl with the Ice-Cream Cone

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The girl in the painting with the ice-cream cone looks like Paul’s first love. That’s the real reason he agreed to buy it. In fact, he and his wife always call it: The Girl with the Ice-Cream Cone. He can’t take his eyes off that painting. “He loves h

The Story

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So, here’s the story. It was a Sunday in late April. I had an appointment with a girl named Carrie to show her a few houses. When I first saw her sitting in the chair next to the receptionist's desk, we looked at each other, and I think we both knew ins

(mother of the earth)

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On Terry’s eighteenth birthday (the summer of 1966, the same year you graduated from high school, and the year I broke up with Sharon) I took Terry out to Fox River on my dad's ski boat, and opened up my robe and showed her all there was to show of myse

(unstoppable fire)

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First of all, you should know an unstoppable fire made my panties roar for you. Maybe you will come to understand what effect you had on my life, my whole life, I mean. You should know the effect you had on people. Me, and Sharon too, both. And I’m sure

(you were on top of us freely)

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You were on top of us freely, that is all I remember, and we were starry with enjoyment. You turned to beautiful youth because we were so full of life that our skin alone could not contain us. We were burning on all sides for the world. You lifted the c