A New Tattoo

It has a "prose poemy" feel to it. I enjoyed the read.

This was an amazing story told in so few words; we get an entire sense of the history of this family and of the dad's love, anger, sense of betrayal and, most sadly, his loss. The specific details (the eagle, the perfume smelling like roses and burnt candy,etc.) really make a difference in such a short piece. You've got a fan.

indeed, the details work so well to capture both the anger and the longing. A great read!

In the sense that poetry is condensed language (one of my favourite definitions), this is very 'prose poemy' indeed.

Love it. This does what really great stories often do--confuse us with the emotions. At the end, we're like that dad, disgusted with ourselves for being happy this irresponsible mom is back.

"What am I supposed to do? Tell them not to love her?"

Yeah. But no. Very effective.

Wonderful in so many ways.

Continue this Tina, i long for more....

This tells a wonderfully realistic story of relationships and families, but the last sentence holds all the raw longing.

I'm all envy about this piece. Maybe that's the best way to define good writing - the jealousy test. I wish I'd written it.

Thanks everyone for such wonderful comments. As you know, nothing validates a writer more than having other writers praise their work. I'm grateful.

I hate myself for wanting to be where he is....ah the agony of love lost.

I love the perfume-roses and burnt candy.

The permission the boys wait for to show enthusiasm is filled with tension. Good stuff.

great writing. the male perspective well caught in the act of longing for what you cannot have anymore.

i enjoyed this piece a bunch

Great stuff! Go Brooklyn!

Thanks Dwight, Finnegan, Thomas and Chris for your kind words. And yes, Chris, Rock on Brooklyn!

These two lines: "They look at me like they're asking, Can we dad?" and "The kids take a few steps toward her; they'd run if I wasn't watching." frame the crux of the story so well. From hesitation to abandonment, so quickly. Very nice.

I enjoyed this, Tina.

Nice. I like the longing and the return home being full of unconscious betrayals--joy and pain. Thanks for the read, Tina. All warmest, h

Wow...so powerful. Really like this.

The warmth of the eagle in the cold of the snow: captured beautifully.

Thank you Caleb, Ethel, Heather, Brett and Katrina for taking the time to read my story and post your kind words. They're much appreciated.

Good one. I feel warm now, like where the tattoo is.

Hi Robb. Glad my story warmed you up. T.

A story that portrays an unusual occurrence the reader has experienced is nice. A story that portrays with sympathy an experience one could scarcely explain to friends and family, or even fathom alone... that's powerful.

Thanks Randy. I appreciate your thoughtful comments.

Read this in BLM and LOVED it.

Thanks Allie!

A very quiet and interesting mixture of anger and longing. Great read.

Thank you Ajay. Glad you enjoyed the read.

The phrase "there's something loose and rattling in the back" contains another story within the story, as do other references, which makes this not such a short short after all. Wonderful.

Thank you for giving the story such a thoughtful reading. I appreciate your comments, Dirk.

Great job, Tina. So much depth and heart in this piece. Very nice.

Thank you, Patrick.

I've read a lot of "cross-over" story attempts, but TATTOO is the best. You keep the voice absolutely male; not an easy task. There are hidden clues in your short-short story. ". . . with their price tags still on." suggests a reference to the returning wife. A story with a beginning, middle and end -- wonderful writing.

You're very kind, Ramon. And thanks for the star!

Oh, this is so sad, and the few words you use get at the heart of the matter. A fav for this.

I see you're trolling the archives. I'm so glad you dug up my story and so grateful for the kind words and the star!

Nice. Paints a picture AND tells a story, AND reveals character, in so few words.

Thanks so much, George. Are you new to Fictionaut? I'll watch out for your stories.

Powerful story - tight, tight, tight. Well done! *

Thanks for combining the archives, Pamela. I appreciate your kind words and the star!

Love the last line and the final image.

This works on multiple levels. Favorite!

Great piece. Big fav.

Thanks Misti and Mark for reading my old posts and for the faves.

Hey I don't think I've ever read your stuff before. I see I've been missing out. : D

This line, IMO, is perfect: "They look at me like they're asking, Can we dad? I shrug. What am I supposed to do? Tell them not to love her?"

Hey and I walked away to do...something....which I've forgotten because I started thinking again about your story. If I could I'd pay you to reconsider one word: 'fake.' It resonates across the story and offers a simple answer to the question of who this woman is, but the way these kids and their dad feel...the way the woman is...isn't fake exactly. it's just....complicated. yes?

Hi Jo, and thanks for commenting on A New Tattoo. The mother's feelings are complicated, but it's the dad telling the story, and to him the smile is fake. I don't think he'd give the mom enough credit to use the word "complicated."

This is awesome. So much in so few words, and all burning perfectly with the last sentence/image.

Hi Beate. Thanks for digging up "A New Tattoo." I appreciate your kind words and the star.

So much is said and so much left out--one wants to read more yet is satisfied. Good read!

Absolutely wonderful... I can feel and see all of this. Great job!
*fave

This stings, such sharp observations - simple and so potent. The real pain of it so perfect in those last lines.

This is utterly brilliant.

1st ... the fake pout, oh--I can see it so clearly, then the bit about the eagle tattoo. An eagle tattoo--this just seems so original to me for some reason. A woman with an Eagle tramp stamp and the image of the hand, in the cold snow being warmed by the lower back of a woman returning from the wild.

fave.

Thanks for digging up "A New Tattoo," Bud, and for your kind comments and star!

Going back in time to read this, Tina. Wonderful, wonderful. Flash at its best.
Big big *

Thanks, Michelle, for rereading and faving "A New Tattoo." I'm flattered that you remember it!

Wow! What a story! I guess I wasn't on Fictionaut when this came out. Great job filtering through his POV. Brief, powerful poignant. I'm glad I found it. Better late than never.*

Tina, this is one beautiful story. Wow, glad I found it... :) *