We Are Not Joaquin Phoenix

when i scanned your intro, i read "...hallmark of a white person."

Liked this but gotta be honest - I think it needs a Letterman reference...I kept waiting for it.

What are you talking about, dude? It's got a Letterman ref in the first paragraph!

Nice work, Christian - "All this Joaquin Phoenix talk has inspired me. I've decided to quit writing and pursue my true lifelong passion—yak herding. Hold your applause please."
I like this form. Good one.

Seems like something Joaquin Phoenix would write.
(That's not a knock...)

ha ha, that WAS my Joaquin! Get it, with all my disappearing acts, etc., I thought I'd give it a whirl.

But, and I'm serious about this one...what about his turn in "Return to Paradise" -- who knew that babbling/confused kid about to die in prison would talk just like the "real" Joaquin???

Erlewhinge, see tags for more detail.

oh shit, you are PWNing me all day today...wait, were those tags there before my comment? if so, i genuflect, good sir.

Joaquin Phoenix is the perfect symbol. Fave.

"I won't own the night but I'll own the pre-dawn."
Nice one.

The beauty of yak herding is that none of us will ever know if you're any good at it.

I'll pass on the glass of unpasteurized yak’s milk: Tsham choe shain khaybe tag.

Thanks, everyone, for your comments so far!

--sent from my yakberry

I'll pass on the yak milk. Got any Diet Coke? A+

Jack, no Diet Coke in my hut but there’s a couple dusty cases of Josta. You might want to go with the yak’s milk. I have Quik strawberry syrup, if that would help.

I'll never think the way you write. I admire the structure as much as the idea.

Thanks, Peggy!

Those tags are pretty darn impressive...

Like this a lot, lots of fun. And I'm a Joaquin Phoenix fan.

Thanks, Shelagh!

All those tags... trying to get around the 250 again Christian? Seriously hilarious send-up, and I spilled wine at 'my life, mock or doc?'

Plus what Peggy said. Peace...

Thanks, Linda! Shhh, the tags are a secret.

Brilliant. I also think fuchsia is the perfect choice, and if this yak thing doesn't work out you have a real future as a professional hashtagger.

Funny and original! I have a JP obsession, too, and once used him to describe someone in a story. Like the block format very much for this, it makes it more broken and asserts its weirdness quality
*

Nice! Almost seems like a stream-of-consciousness ramble. I love what you've done in the tags, too.

Huh. Now that I think about it, he is a gargoyle. Nice work.

Thanks, Lou, Susan, Sam, and Peter!

Man, Joakuin has nothing on River, man, Now there was some rapping. Did you see Stand By Me? That dude could rap. Man.

Nicely done. Witty and current. I would have liked more images but that's just a personal preference. Joaquin is on his way to icon status, he is now in a poem. A good one at that.

"My life mock or doc" Lots to love and laugh about with this. The tags: excellent!

Clever and witty. Lots of great images.

Ah, this is great, Christian. Thanks for the laugh. I will indeed look for the only white guy shepherd should I ever venture into the Himalayas. Fave.

I think you could do acting as well as Joaqin did. He should have stayed in that field. Maybe you could act?

Hilarious tags and oh, this story. What a clever writer you are, Christian!

I love "I'll own the pre-dawn."

Holy cow, everyone, thanks for your great comments!

Phoenix's performance in Two Lovers is one of the best I've seen in a long time.

The pre dawn is mine, bitch.

I love the part about getting drunk and egging the store.

yak herding is where it's at. and this fine piece, of course.

Thanks, Chris, Boudreau, Stephanie, and Julie, for reading and commenting!

Boudreau, I have yaks and know how to use them.

So clever, Christian. Enjoyed it both time I read, and I think I'll go enjoy it again!

Much fun!

Thanks, Foster and Kristen!

Very clever!

Thank you, Susan!

ooh, very meta. like it. i thought you're not emilo estivez. if you (none of you) are also not joaquin phoenix, who the hell are you?

Marcus, I have serious identity issues. I only know who I'm not.

I really enjoyed this. It's hard to pull off a good exclamation point. You nailed one, though. Thanks for that.

Thanks, Timothy, for reading and commenting!

fucking hilarious, Christian. Love this. But how come it's not on 52|250s page last week? Next time, send from your yakberry, dude. And I for one will try the milk. I'll try anything once.
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Michelle, you see, a yak ate my—

No, wait, I was hiking through Bhutan and got waylaid by a band of ruffian sherpas who proceeded to—

There was a Menudo reunion and I just had to be—

All right, there’s no good excuse. I’m so ashamed. Thanks for reading and commenting.

So, it appears the whole thing was mock, not doc. As for my life, the jury’s still out.

Okay, what’s with all the yaks? This is thoroughly entertaining.

Yak herding - now, that's something rarely acknowledged. I like how you poke fun of media hype in this. This was a fun read.

Thanks, Kari and Paula!

Thanks, Vince!

I just came across this story and, wow, I got to tell you--oops, this is my story. My bad...

Thanks, Angus, for stopping by!

"Point of order, Mister Chairman. How can a story about 'not' being someone, written by an author who claims to 'not' be who he says he is not even be considered as literature?"
"Sit down, son, you're out of order."
"No, Mister Chairman, you're out of order!"

I missed this the first time around, so I'll fave it now, not because everybody else has and it's the fashionable thing to do, but because ... because ...

Thanks, James! There's no bad time to fave, and it is the fashionable thing to do in terms of this particular work.

Where the f--- are my yaks? I need my f'in yaks!

It's truly amazing the number of comments this work has received.

I'm just overwhelmed by the generosity here.

On the main Fictionaut page, I see that my comments here have all but taken over the Site Activity section. It would be all me except for Boudreau's entry. Hey, B, get off my lawn!

Never mind, B. Estelle's got a couple entries there too. Hi, Estelle!

Shut your mouth.

While I'm eating popcorn? Never!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

You know there is a Remove Fav feature, right?

;)

uh oh...

Spec-f'n-tacular!!
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Favorite lines: "Sometimes, I like to play some thumping techno, pose my head like Joaquin, and think, yeah, I own the fucking night."

and

"I won't own the night but I'll own the pre-dawn."

I also love that you mention actually using a VCR. What are those again?

It's hard for me to put my feelings into words.
Joaquin Phoenix

You have and may the yaks be with you..:)

Liked this, for sure. And Gladiator was and is awesome. Screw that place though for killing your VCR.