There was something plainly beautiful about each of them. Together, they were beautifully plain, unadorned and true. Verbal and vocal when clothed, they turned meditative and contemplative when naked. At dusk, the street quieted, as did they, Amish-like, between the sheets. Pure in their twined silence, they were freed from embroidered fantasies. All they required was the other; the two of them bound limb to limb. Overwhelming sighs at the end. Two pairs of black rubber boots, her rain boots, his waders, overturned in the corner.
30
favs |
2653 views
74 comments |
87 words
All rights reserved. |
Inspired by Washington State.
loverly
Wow! I love this!
Beautiful, as always. Why does this make me want to ...
Oh my, everyone has already used the words I wanted to. Yes, really great imagery.
The piece is marvelous in such a quiet way, Cherise. The mood is very hushed but direct - phrase to phrase. The reader becomes very engaged. Actually, this reminds me of Hitchcock's approach to film. And the closing image is perfect. Strong work.
Really, really lovely Cherise. Fav.
She sneezes, gets forty faves. Why do you think that happens? For starters, she's good at what she does. Very good.
This is very cool writing.
Thank you everyone, for the kind reads, great comments, the favs, I greatly appreciate them all!
Ah. Is that even a comment? If it isn't it should be..Together, they were beautifully plain..they turned meditative and contemplative when naked together. Pure in their twined silence, they were freed from embroidered fantasies.I could go on and on. Fave.
Thank you Darryl, for your lovely comments on this piece. And for the fav, although I think your spelling of that word is correct!
"Two pairs of black rubber boots, her rain boots, his waders, overturned in the corner."
My favorite image in this piece, symbolic of their exposure, vulnerability
This is a fantastic story and deserves more attention.
Beautiful, Cherise. Full of excellent images.
George, thanks for reading, and I love how you interpreted the rain boots and waders.
Matt and Christian,
Thank you both for your generous words and the favs. I am so glad you both reacted so positively to this story.
Intimate, delicate
Lovely words Susan, thank you.
Both intimate and yet deep with pathos simultaneously. So well crafted...made me hunger for more in a perfect way.
Beautiful language. Beautiful images. The boots "overturned in the corner"--wonderful.
Robert and Jane, thank you both for such wonderful words, I so appreciate the read and comments!
A well crafted flash. Nice work.
Cherise, so much said already -- but yes, that final line speaks volumes. beautifully done.
this is just gorgeous. so much said in so few words. speechless
Thanks Matthew and Sara, so glad you enjoyed it.
Rene, thank you so much!
Nice piece, Cherise!
"they turned meditative and contemplative when naked together"
Do you really need "together"? Better without in my opinion.
"the two of them bound limb to limb"
Is "bound" the word you really want here? Throws me out of the story.
"Two pairs of black rubber boots, her rain boots, his waders, overturned in the corner." Great end, but the visual image of the contrasting rubber boots is enough. The "overturned in the corner" blunts the impact of the significant contrast for me.
Comma after "At dusk."
[Cherise, I know you understand the irresistible urge (or is it compulsion) to edit!]
There is something plainly beautiful about your writing: beautifully plain, unadorned and true. Verbal and vocal while reading, turning meditative and contemplative with after-thoughts, overwhelmed with sighs at the end from embroidered fantasies.
Bill, your comments made me laugh! I think the comments are longer than my piece, and yes I do understand the irresistible urge. I will take all your points under advisement!
JMC, your comment is just beautiful!
i love the way this weaves like an Amish quilt. Really lovely, Cherise.
I think you may want to remove "beautifully" in the 2nd sentence.... to avoid repetition of "beautiful" from the first sentence...everything else sings to me!
Pure and refreshing like a glass of water.
Meg and Claire, thanks so much for reading and the lovely words. And Meg, thanks for the suggestion! I will consider it.
How sweet, was just talking to a friend the other night who missed being coupled because it made simple things like watching television lovely and I recalled this piece.
I think it achieves as a story the position of an image that contains truths that are not image, such as the way they talk clothed and are silenced naked.
*
Direct, solid writing -- everyone else took the words right out of my brain. It must be nice to know you have the imagination and skill to "break on through to the other side". Fav . . .
p.s. And I've spent many happy hours at Lake Chelan.
Melissa, I love that in talking to a friend your conversation reminded you of my story. That was lovely to read.
Ms. Bogle, your comment boggled my mind, and I loved it. Thank you for that! and for the fav.
Ramon, thank you for your wonderful words. I don't know, exactly, what the "other side is", but if I am there, I am pleased! And also pleased you have many happy memories of Lake Chelan. Thank you for reading and for the fav.
You know, being from the subject state... this happens all the time. :-)
Thank you Cherise for sharing.
Randal, thanks so much for reading this piece.
I decided that this must happen in the subject state, and although I do not live there, you do, and that makes you a very lucky man!
I second everything that has been said. This is exquisite and prayer-like.
Naughty, naughty! It's not nice to fool an o.f. One more fave.
Pish posh, Jack, you are not an o.f.! Thanks for reading and the star!
Beautiful, Cherise. This was a great one to wake up to.
Just beautiful!
This is lovely and unsettling in the best ways. What I leave wanting to know is who's telling the story.
yes, delicate describes this perfectly! Really lovely, Cherise.
Very very nice. Love the quilt.
Title caught my eye since we're headed that way next week: Chelan Lake, Coulee City, Spokane.
Pia, Julie, and Gay,
Thanks so much for your lovely comments.
Very tender - and difficult to be so without treacle, which you have none of here, love the boots at the end - enough said in a few words to let us know what kind of day led to their 'twined silence', 'freed from embroidered fantasies'
Walter, thank you for that high praise: tender is good, treacle is not. Thank you for reading and for the *
Like the way you break the sentences. Very gentle and musical.
plainly exquisite. def fav.
Plain. Beautiful. I have been gone too long from FN, and this makes me sigh. Wonderful, Cherise, just plain wonderful. Fave indeed. of course.
Thank you so much Michelle. And you have been gone so long! Hope the trip was terrific, and you have been missed!
Lovely imagery. Amazing what you acheived in so few words.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, but thank you K.R. for the lovely words.
Hushed, lyrical yet accessible. Loved the boots at the end.
Cheryl,
Thank you so much for finding Lake Chelan and your lovely comments. And, of course, for the fav.
This is how it's done, a tender peek behind the curtain of the unknowable other. They might not be real, but I wish them continued happiness.
Kudos from another Washingtonian.
To be free from "embroidered fantasies" sounds like a profound blessing. You give breath to the kind of beauty one finds in common places. Reads like peaches, Cherise.
I like it that they were freed from embroidered fantasies. I like it that boots, quite simply, rest in the corner. I like it that, well, I have to get back to my life, bother. I wish I had time to list all my likes. Beautiful. -- Q
Quenby, thank you so much for your comments, and the fave! So glad this resonated with you.
I love the sound of this piece. It's beautiful but unadorned, like the two of them.
Thank you Elizabeth!
Wow this is so beautiful. I love the sounds of this: plainly beautiful, beautifully plain..verbal/vocal...meditative/contemplative...limb to limb...gorgeous work, Cherise. What a closing. Glad I found this! *
I feel like with a 30th fave and from Kathy Fish, I have won a lottery.
This piece mirrors that.
*
Mata, thank you for finding this piece and for the star.
An electric zap in final image in "Lake Chelan." That kind of surprise.
Wonderful. *
Really nice. "they turned meditative and contemplative when naked"
Thought I was the only one who did that. It's usually a dark contemplation, though, about the wisdom of more cheesecake. :0)