Memory Freeze
by Meg Tuite
When the snow reached the windowsills I was no longer a virgin. Milton Pinkowski writhed and clattered around on top of me while guttural noises ferreted out of various orifices I didn't want to pinpoint. A sharp stick punctured me in the lower regions that had previously been visited by myself, tampons, and one doctor my mom insisted on taking me to who poked around in there like an archaeologist. It was a receptacle for sharp objects, I decided, as I watched the snow piling up in packed inches darkening the already grungy-mold stench, don't-want-to-see-anything-that-surrounds-me basement. Milton sputtered once more, shuddered, slid out of me and then flopped on his back, exhausted and looking confused. There was spittle in the corner of his mouth. I turned away and we both stared at the pipes on the ceiling with our hands crossed on our stomachs. Our pants were still buckling at our ankles. There was nothing to say. It was a momentous moment that would hopefully melt around the slushy mounds of memory like the snow rising outside.
Made me feel a little squirmy. Pitch perfect.
Thanks, Larry! Squirmy is good!!
Nice, I liked this
Love this, Meg, especially the close.
It was a receptacle for sharp objects,
Yes! Well, I mean no, but yes to the strength of the language and images.
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U
terrific work, MT! Yes!
Yes to this.
Stunning, stunning! Fabulous first line. You made the intimacy sharp as a crystal and so funny. The snow piling up around them was great and her voice is comic perfection.. Love this
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Yes to all of it. Yes. This is crafted so well. Nice work Meg. *
vivid *
Thank you all for reading and commenting!!! I really appreciate it!
I love the way this does not flinch RE the unfortunate disappointment the loss of virginity can be! Nice work, Meg! xoxo
Thanks, Heather! Thanks everyone!
Very sharp on impressions and detailed descriptions. A quiet sadness comes through here and it makes me hope with the narrator that indeed this moment will melt and fade. Excellent. *
Thank you, Quenby!!!
Sharp, sad, poignant, funny, and unflinching. Really arresting voice here. Terrific last line.
Hard to read, in that it shatters, but so well written.
Thank you so much, Cherise and James! And all for reading and commenting!
Love the piece and the title. Yes, great first line. Well done, Meg!
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Thank you so much, Bill! Appreciate everyone's input!
What a voice in this piece, Meg. You cracked it wide open with the fantastic end. *
Yes great first line! Makes me uncomfortable in a hilariously creepy way. Good stuff!
Thank you, Robert and Shelagh, for reading and your comments!
Love the corpse-like image of the bodie on the floor afterward. Death of something sweet, perhaps. And that wee bit of spittle... Nice capture of the moment.
Thank you, Paul! The precious sentiment of death and spittle! Thank you for your great comments!
So truthful it made me squirm. Very well done. Love the ending image.
Ooops, *
Great imagery - love him "clattering" around.
Thank you so much, Kim and Jules for reading and your comments!
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Thank you for reading, Erin!!
Ah, the beauty of love. *
How to capture a MOMENT! I love the frame of the snow mounding around it. And I'm a sucker for allit - well done in the last line.
Thank you, Christopher!! Yes, the beauty of convulsive fumblings;yes love!
Thank you, Catherine, so very much!! I so appreciate all your comments!!! And for reading!!!
Love this, Meg. So sensory. Thank you. *
what a fun read!
I love the awkwardness and all the poignant details of this encounter. Very honest.
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Thank you, Harley and Marda! I appreciate your comments!!!
Very brave in spirit and beautifully written
bobbi
Thank you so much, Bobbi!!! I so appreciate your reading and commenting!
Brilliant opening. The rest none too shabby either. Peace *
Thank you so much, Linda! I so appreciate your comments! Peace back at you and thanks for the *!!
There is nothing to say except that this is way good.
Thank you so much, Beate!!! So appreciate your reading and commenting!!!
Great work, love how the moment is framed by the snow, and the language is perfect to capture the feeling.
Thank you so much, David!!! I appreciate your reading and commenting!!!
It's one thing to read this fine piece, but another thing altogether to hear Meg perform it live. That was a real treat. I was privileged to hear Meg read this twice at 2012 AWP! You are an awesome performer, Meg!
Thank you so much, Bill! I so appreciate your comments! It was so great to meet and your readings were exceptional!!
Such a little moment that speaks so loud. Great work!