Everyday outside of the student union there must’ve been a new guy promising a free subscription if only you’d apply for his credit card. All it took was a signature and an address, and then they’d send you a Visa, a MasterCard, even a fucking Disco

Dear Aspertame, Okay, are you REALLY bad for me? I keep getting e-mails saying you'll give me MS or Cancer, but then I also hear it's total crap. So tell me, are you going to kill me or what? Consider your answer carefully while I drink this Diet Coke.