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The door was locked. Han Solo couldn't believe it. After they'd come all this way! …

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Interviewer: So, you walk on water, right? How is that possible? Jesus Lizard: Well, I only run on water, and upright on my hind legs. Haha, if I tried just walking on water I’d sink quicker than St. Peter!

Every Time It Happens

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Every time it happens, I think of Amber Heard and how hard you can be slapped without a bruise forming.

Birthday Makeover

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Iris is beside herself with excitement that the most popular girl in her eighth-grade class invited her to join her circle of friends after school. On the sound of the bell, she charges to the door to be the first out of the room and to race to meet Ange

How the Monarchs Thrive

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At the time, Leanne was meant to be going with Daryll Keyser. She played bells in Mr. Davis’ marching band, and Daryll played tuba. On the bus home from Tulip Festivals, still in their uniforms, they’d do things to each other in 10-minute turns...

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Rise up, carcass—march! / Naught is new beneath the jaundiced sun: / last of the last of Louis' gold, / light is sliced through clean / beneath flecks and films of time.

When Janey Sees Cats

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Wherever she looks, Janey sees cats; staring in at her through the kitchen window, peering out from beneath cars, and eyeing her through hedges. With their sinuous bodies and merciless stares, they remind her of her sister. "Plain Jane and Scary Mary", the dog and…

Another Band Name

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Hillary's Pantsuits

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I had a dream about being in a vintage alley that had bowling balls with adjustable relations to gravity

Labor Day

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The coals lose their glow.Sun kisses the back of my neck goodbye.Someone plays Boys of Summer one more time.The cooler tips... The tides go out...

The Full Treatment

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She rolled onto her back and spread her hind legs. Her lewd poses were fine on a fat cat, but as I rubbed her belly I wondered if that’s what might have gotten her into trouble as a human. I tried to reassure myself that her indiscretions weren’t my fault

(Putting the) No Cash Offer (to Bed)

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He will return your children's heartsto them and not to you, but they will see again. He will row your children across the fiery lakewithout losing a little oneto the sly singing fish below.He will accept no cash, but food for the poor. He will stand…

The Second Extinction of Chocolate

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Cacao production had always been a tenuous enterprise insofar as commercial cacao tree cultivation had always been limited roughly to the land zones within twenty degrees of the equator north and south.