Most recent stories

The Daughters

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Their mother never teaches them to wipe front to back or to brush their teeth before bed.

The Taco Stand

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This happened to me on Friday, May 3, 2002 in North Austin on the corner of North Lamar and Mulberry Street.

It's Only Natural

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I just like puppies, and slapping people.

Ukiyo

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It’s true enough my status as honorary male has come in handy in my profession, but I never considered matters of the flesh. I feel a surge of warmth between my thighs as if a cock is dangling there, thick and florid. The sensation is oddly exciting.

The New Meow

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I'm delighted to report that I've come up with my own school of thought. It's called, "Dress Like a Cat Until You Get What You Want."

It's a Boy!

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Sex when you’re pregnant Is like sex when you aren’t Pregnant, but with extra people.

Halloween

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"For God's sake," my mother said. "There could be anthrax in the candy." My mother worried about me going out on Halloween.

the last thing

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salmon maple syrup horseradish smoke detector the list read, scrawled in purple marker on the refrigerator door.

Cow Juice

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Theresa stopped speaking to me because I ate cows. This made things simple. There was no conversation.

Little Meadow Simms

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"I looked at this skinny, little female child, Meadow Simms. It wasn't only that she was small. Meadow Simms didn't look like other children. Her parents were hippies."

Dizzy

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It’s never good to get arrested on an empty stomach.

Gas Making You Sick?

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It was a sore molar that was giving me trouble, on the bottom right. The dentist, about whose adulterous affairs everybody in the neighborhood knew and whispered about, ts-ts-ts'ed me and murmured "decay" before pulling out the drill.

Orchard

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I used to score girls by taking them on a ride past Frauenstein, up on a hill where you could see the trees, the whole lot of them sparkling white and pink in the breeze.