The date began badly. First, she turned up her nose at my suggestion of sushi: “Ew! I want real food!” So we found ourselves at a picnic table eating hamburgers and fries, hers dipped in a large pile of blubbery mayo.
Back in the car, she switched the radio from Waits to Madonna. I thought about kicking her out right then.
But I'm a gentleman, so I suggested wine at my place (she was French, after all), but she said, “No, that's boring,” and next thing I know we're down by the lake drinking Jaegermeister. Jaegermeister, for chrissakes! Haven't drunk that stuff since college. I managed not to puke this time, even when she said, “I'm going to fuck you now, oui?” What could I say? I was powerless in her hands, her mouth, her cunt. She scared the hell out of me, from her rock-hard nipples to her abundant thighs to her curious tongue. I envisioned news flashes next day: Culture Clash: Carniverous Frenchie Fucks Shy Biology Teacher Dead. She was all energy, grinning and grinding, sound and sexual fury. I ached for days, especially where my knee wedged into the dashboard. How she fit all those ways I never did figure.
I kept her number for a long time. “Call me,” she said as she slipped the paper into my jeans pocket. Not a question, more a demand. I wanted to, I really did.
17
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52|250 theme: Union of Opposites
experimenting with male POV. his fantasy or mine? dunno, but this was fun to write...
tom waits to madonna--heheheheh
ok, killer
yes
*
This totally made me smile.
There's a group, Sex (Sometimes in the First Line) you might think about sending this to.
Very surprising and funny. I love it.
*YES*!
I love the knee in the dashboard bit. Faved for sure.
Never turn the dial from Waits!
Rock'n and roll'n. Wow! Hilarious. Fave.
Great story from beginning to end.
Like the line, "Back in the car, she switched the radio from Waits to Madonna. I thought about kicking her out right then."
This is a great piece, Michelle. Everything clicks - phrasing and form. Good one.
Oh no, Waits to Madonna? But how does any man say no to a Frenchie saying “I'm going to fuck you now, oui?”
"I ached for days, especially where my knee wedged into the dashboard. How she fit all those ways I never did figure."
Poor guy, focusing on his knee! Really, really fun to read this.
This is great, but the last lines are such a revelation about the character that I just don't know how you did it but I'm going to learn!
I like the tough funny-ness of her, she's French and ballsy and gets what she wants... until she doesn't...
nice way to end
I really like this narrator a lot, Michelle. Favorite line: "I envisioned news flashes next day: Culture Clash: Carniverous Frenchie Fucks Shy Biology Teacher Dead." Telling and economical. YES!
Yowza!
thanks, everyone, for your awesome responses! Must credit my husband for helping me with the ending there -- I think he wanted him to call her too...
'I wanted to, I really did.' That's superb.
Good one Michelle! Reminded me of a ram (it was young, freshly purchased and its first 'working' job) that literally fucked itself to death - the farmer (a friend ) found it dead in the paddock - I didn't ask if he/ram had a sheepish grin - sorry.
What I love about your stories are they are very readable - I want to know what happens. Good endings too.
fav
A fun read, Michelle. Well done!
dirty dirty
Great character, her. I can't get over the Waits to Madonna either. Definitely grounds to kick her out. Fun!
Funny, irreverant, very sexy
*
Your voice and writing style work to capture my attention. Your experimental POV, compelling action, and intriguing characters work to hold it. I enjoyed reading.
Oh yes! Great exploration of voice, and I love your choices: such a refreshing take on the male pov. Great! ***
I'm going to steal Sara's comment and just say Yowza! *
Great ending! I'm impressed by your veracity in male POV (am working on some male POV myself these days, and scared, though I've listened to them often enough and read their POV spread out over the past 5000 years everywhere; still yet...) Good stuff!