for Jana
They say you are OK, but how am I to know, really? You were taken — taken — so fast, I had no say, and I'm left with nothing but your sudden silence, not the hot cry I expected. We had been one — breathing, feeding, living in unison — and then you were gone, lifted from me swiftly, rushed to a safe sterile place. And now you lie there in your own world of plastic and tubing and disinfected air, and I lie here in my world of pain, helpless to help you. They say you are OK but I know what I saw: a purple lifeless thing, sticky and wet and tiny in the surgeon's hands, taken from me to keep alive. I want to take you back, but you're an impossible fifty meters down the hall, a world away. So I wait, with my belly split by expert incision, my breasts landmines waiting to explode at the slightest touch, my heart throbbing because it cannot feel yours any more. I lie here alone with my searing scar, raw with fear and not knowing. I lie here sleepless and wait for the moment when I will touch your new skin, smell your new smell, see your tiny fluttering chest, and feel your perfect fingers wrap round my thumb with their miraculous might. I already know the hard suck of your hunger, and my breasts weep with nourishment that you may or may not ever know.
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true moment, this one. the longest night of my life.
wrote this for 52|250 "the balance of terror"
for my baby, who turns six next month
Let me be the first to say 'yes'. This piece takes me back. Babies - how they teach the fearless to tremble...
Wow ... Michelle. Haven't read anything so powerful in a while. If ever there was a story that fits the phrase, "it rocks," this is the one.
This is so strong, Michelle. I ached with you to see that side of birth that doesn't start out with the powerful cry of life. What an alone and scary moment. So glad it all turned out happy! Beautifully written.
The writing is sharp. The reader is in the moment: " They say you are OK but I know what I saw: a purple lifeless thing, sticky and wet and tiny in the surgeon's hands, taken from me to keep alive. I want to take you back, but you're an impossible fifty meters down the hall, a world away." Very good piece of writing, Michelle. Very good.
" I already know the hard suck of your hunger, and my breasts weep with nourishment that you may or may not ever know." Exquisite. So glad the baby is thriving. Kudos to you, Michelle.
Beautifully written, Michelle. And Jana is such a pretty name.
"...my heart throbbing because it cannot feel yours any more."
Line after expertly crafted line...one of the most powerful stories I've read.
My admiration for your work--and for you--just grows & grows.
Whooosh....Michelle, this is so incredibly moving. And as a mother, I held my breath all the way through. I admire your digging deep here and writing something resonant and meaningful and necessary. You did an amazing job with what could not be an easy story to write. Beautiful. Hug your sweet six year old for me, please.
Powerful, Michelle, and beautifully written!
Gripping story, well written, with the voice of experience: and, happily, the story continues.
Wow, thanks so much, everyone. The truth is harder to write sometimes, but it's also rewarding. I really appreciate the kind words and support in this fantastic community. You are the BEST.
Martha, you know what fearless is.
James, thanks for that.
Susan, I appreciate that you ached along with this piece.
Sam and D'Arcy: 'sharp' and 'exquisite' are music to my ears!
Kari, thanks for finding this and my daughter's name beautiful.
Jack, aw man, you always make me blush!
Kathy, hugging her now, thanks so much. I'm glad this resonates with mothers.
Christian, thank you for calling this powerful.
And JMC, thank you thank you! Yep, the story goes on...
Thanks again, everyone, from the bottom of my ♥
Such connection, Michelle in your writing and the premise. Held me spell-bounding and heart-aching as I read. Only a mother knows this fear. Glad everything is good now.
fav
Our premature daughter (born in the backseat of our car at twenty-five weeks) will turn a healthy twenty-nine in November. What you have written, Michelle, perfectly describes what my wife must have felt as she lay alone in a hospital in Queens as our tiny daughter was whisked away to the neonatal care unit of New York Hospital, an hour away. She didn't come home for four months.
I understand absolutely how this was the longest night of your life. I know how hard it is to write something like this. Bravo for attempting it and for succeeding so well!
One more comment:
"precision incision" is a cool phrase but calls too much attention to itself in this prose piece.
It made me cry.
Myra, Bill, Claire -- thanks for your comments and fave(s). Wow, that is some story, Bill, so harrowing. So happy to hear your happy ending, too. Interesting what you say about 'precision incision' -- will think on that. This is the nature of flash; it makes us come up with exacting phrases, but maybe sometimes they are too... something? Hmmm...
Strong piece. Especially like the last line.
I agree with Mr. Yarrow about the "precision incision" phrase.
Oh, yea, happy 6th birthday to Jana.
Strong and emotionally tender piece of writing. The feelings were flying off the page
wow, great story. not a mother, but I was totally there with the narrator.
so painful and moving, words sharped and shaped by life.
and so good to know that this turned into a happy end. yes, fav!
Happy Birthday!
was too quick: this should read "sharpened".
Thanks Matthew, LA, Susan and Dorothee, for appreciating the non-fiction in me too. I really liked writing this.
Bill, Matthew -- I have been thinking on that phrase for a few days now and have still not found a way around it. I like the sharp images there in the middle -- the cut belly, the landmine-breasts. I wrote those to be dramatic, splitting like my heart, but with a real physicality. So I am stuck... still thinking though, as I do so value your feedback. Is it perhaps too graphic? Too...??
Any other thoughts much appreciated.
Beautiful piece Michelle.
So well done, Michell, and so moving.
Really beautiful, Michelle.
Thank you, Jim, Foster, Marcelle!
This hurts my heart. (and of course I love reading it because of that) My youngest son went into the ER and was a code blue with his onset of Type 1 diabetes (he had just turned one). And I remember that helpless, empty ache.
This is wonderful writing.
hurts, michelle--
is all.
thx for this--
Jane! Beate! Gary! Thank you so very much!
Pouring it out there for all. A fine thing only some writers can really do well.
you wrote what every mother feels at that moment. Are all the fingers and toes there?
Great remembrance for all mothers.
was thinking (while faving on second read) that i like the title for this one, not knowing" even better?
dunno
like either way
You absolutely captured this in every way. I can still feel it in my chest.
each line so well-wrought, Michelle.
Great story. It's a terror I don't know, but you bring it home.
Thanks, Shel, Estelle, Gary, Lou, Julie, Kim. I really appreciate your response to this piece.
And Gary -- I'm thinking on the title idea. I like the shorter version too, thanks. Will think about tweaking it.