Trouble
by Jack Swenson
He wore cheap flannel shirts and dirty cords. He had glasses and a scraggly beard.
“What's the matter with you?” he asked. I was sitting across the desk from him in his office. The sun was shining in my eyes, and I could not see him clearly.
I was sad, I said. “Aren't we all?” he replied. He leaned forward and scribbled something on a pad of paper.
There were six of us in the group. There were no chairs in the room, just pillows. Sometimes he made us punch the pillows. “Harder!” the shrink would yell. “Harder!”
One day he asked me to stay after the session had ended. He asked one of the women to stay too. He looked at me and nodded at her. Then he looked at her and nodded at me.
“What do you think?” he asked. “I think you two should get together.”
The woman looked at me with big eyes. I blushed and looked at my shoes.
Next session I sat in the doctor's office and told him my whole story, how my girlfriend ran off with a Berkeley student and his wife. I said I was curious about what they did in bed. Did they do it in pairs or all at the same time?
When I finished I paused. The doctor looked up. The sun through the window made the ends of his wild hair gleam. His glasses flashed. “What?” he said. “I wasn't listening.”
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Author's Note
Don't like doctors. Don't like shrinks much, either.
end of his wild hair gleam - he pretended he wasn't listening, what could he say? He could have satisfied your curiosity.Maybe he wished he was the 4th of that group.
You create so many shapes with negative space and they are all as interesting and eventful as the actual scraps of narratve which define them. I think youre hitting from 3 point range. Fave
For some reason, this image, and the way you wrote it, just delighted me, Jack:
"One day he asked me to stay after the session had ended. He asked one of the women to stay too. He looked at me and nodded at her. Then he looked at her and nodded at me."
I hate doctors too.
Excellent, Jack! Quite funny and, ahem, um, what James said about negative space!
Your last line made me laugh, Jack! Whatever can that mean? Perhaps I, too, require treatment because I think the pillows in this doc's office all had had Freudian slipcovers. :) *.
"The sun was shining in my eyes, and I could not see him clearly."
Great image. No commercial for therapy here, but funny! *
Insightful story. Your good writing makes it easy to empathize with this characterization.
Jack, you write like a boxer.
Bob, weave, punch.
Knocked me out.
Gotta fave this before you hit me again.
Good roll to this piece, Jack - "Next session I sat in the doctor's office and told him my whole story, how my girlfriend ran off with a Berkeley student and his wife. I said I was curious about what they did in bed. Did they do it in pairs or all at the same time?" Nice job.
JS - funny, interesting and terrific writing all rolled into this story. Love the last line. At least the shrink's honest I guess...
Ooh, Jack. Dark and cynical and also a little bit weird. I like this a lot. It manages to be world weary and kinky at the same time.
Well done, Jack. It's a slice of frustrating reality.
(note missing "on" a pad)
Another good one. Funny last line.
Should be "leaned forward."
Fab story. So real, you create that "keyhole" affect so well Jack. It felt uncomfortably familiar. I could see and smell the whole place like I was right there
*
Totally agree with James' comment. Fantastic.
One day he asked me to stay after the session had ended. He asked one of the women to stay too. He looked at me and nodded at her. Then he looked at her and nodded at me.
“What do you think?” he asked. “I think you two should get together.”
The woman looked at me with big eyes. I blushed and looked at my shoes.
Puts me in mind of "Respectability" (Winesburg, Ohio.) I want to know what happens in this narrative strand!
Ending is reminiscent of joke ending of Portnoy's Complaint. Your story is strong without the terminal joke, Jack.
'twern't a joke, Bill. But, hey, you read Winesburg, Ohio. You can't be all bad!