by Jürgen Fauth
Mina stumbled and fell headlong into her apartment, smacking her knees and the palms of her hands on the hardwood floor. She bit her lip, cursed, resisted the temptation to cry. Rubbing her bruised joints, she turned to see what had tripped her.
Just inside the door sat a pair of metal cases, knee-high, hexagonal, green-grey, a sticker centered on each with Mina's name, unabbreviated, the way nobody ever used it. The label was handwritten in blocky capitals, with a peculiar choice of preposition that made the canisters seem more like presents than parcel: FOR WILHELMINA KOTTBUS.
Mina sighed. She reached for the keys and mail she'd dropped, and picked herself up. She had spent the entire day at NYU hospital, where her husband Sam was ill with dengue fever. He'd caught the tropical disease on their honeymoon, which they'd cut short immediately after the resort doctor in Punta Cana diagnosed him. "Bad luck," the doctor had said. The disease wasn't exactly rare, but there also hadn't been an outbreak in years.
They'd been back for three days now and the marriage was off to a rocky start. The reception had been a disaster, the honeymoon was ruined, and Mina was beginning to resent the long hours at the hospital. This was not how she had envisioned her new life. She spent as much time with Sam as she could, reading in the uncomfortable plastic chair under the glare of the fluorescent lights while her new husband tossed and turned, his eyes glassy, moaning and sweating through his pajamas. In his brief lucid moments Sam complained about the pain in his limbs, the heat, the all-too-real nightmares. Even when he slept, the moaning didn't stop.
Dengue fever could be fatal, but the smug New York doctor had assured Mina that Sam would be fine. He told her to go home. There could be another week before the fever subsided, and she should take care of herself, rest. Mina thought the doctor was too eager to touch her arm. She was attractive, a little short but busty. Men tended to underestimate her.
The Greenpoint one-bedroom seemed smaller to Mina than ever. They had lived together for almost a year before getting married, and now the apartment was a mess, every open space crowded with wedding gifts -- blenders, toasters, sheets, and silverware. The kitchen counter was covered with unopened mail. She hadn't unpacked their suitcases yet.
FOR WILHELMINA KOTTBUS.
Belated wedding presents from a distant relative? The last time she'd heard her full name had been at her college graduation, almost four years ago.
Mina pushed aside a stack of magazines and lifted the canisters onto the kitchen counter. Picking one at random, she popped its twin latches and opened the lid. Inside were four reels of film.
She opened the second container. Three more reels, kept in place by a jammed-in Styrofoam wedge. Sturdy plastic held black celluloid wrapped around the center. Wasn't this stuff flammable? Mina pulled a reel out of the case. She set it on the counter and wheeled it around until she found the end of the film strip, locked down with a pin that held the sprocket holes in place. She carefully unwound it, thinking how odd it was that even though her grandfather had been a filmmaker she'd never held celluloid before.
Oh, she thought.
Did this have anything to do with her grandfather?
Mina had never known the old man, a German director who had emigrated to America during the Second World War. He'd made one big flop in Hollywood that still showed sometimes on late-night cable. All his German movies had been lost, and he'd killed himself before Mina was born. Her father refused to talk about him.
The celluloid in her hands was entirely black, and Mina kept unrolling it, unable to stop. She tried to wrap it around the fingers of one hand and turn the reel with the other, but the film kept slipping off. She let it stack up on the counter into a loose loop that curled on its own. After two more revolutions she hit a logo, something like a coat of arms. Then, white words on black: the credits. She held the film up to the kitchen neon light, but the letters were too small to read. She kept unwinding it further, and some of the celluloid slipped off the counter and onto the Swiss espresso machine they'd gotten from Sam's boss. The words grew bigger until there were only two lines, and now she could make out letters, repeated on every advancing frame:
EIN FILM VON
KLAUS KOTTBUS
Into the empty apartment's silence, Mina made a surprised noise, not unlike her husband's feverish moans. She was holding in her hands one of her grandfather's lost films.
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This is the opening section of my novel KINO, forthcoming in the spring of 2012 from Atticus Books.
oh yes, Jürgen,i would definitely keep reading! the voice, the details, the story and the writing coming together to make a very fine beginning for a novel
Honey, ich bin...hooked!! More please!
What's most compelling here to me is the part about her husband having dengue fever and being in the hospital. I guess I'd want to know more about what the lost films of her grandfather are of particular importance--beyond a personal one--probably soon after what you have here.
obsession over--
roll with it
Gray green heaxagonal metal, styrofoam wedges, plastic,black celluloid, blocky, cannisters, glassy, latches, sproket holes, pins...the piece is sculptural.
On the story level it's a grabber. More please.
GAH! It stopped! Color me grabbed, please. You've tucked so many thought-provoking details into this. The bad-luck honeymoon and precarious new marriage (buried beneath a bevy of wedding gift-registry items); Sam's rare disease; Mina's resentment, loneliness, disillusionment, and youth; the arrival of the unexpected object--all of things things pulled me right in. I think the details in the exchange between the smug New York doctor and Mina are especially telling and well done.
The description of the film (and the brief history of its maker) is fascinating to me, in large part because I feel it's waved in my face for a blazing second and then snatched away (nothing slams the door on a situation like father's silence, anyway). I love the combined senses of loss and obsolescence (plus a dash of mediocrity) that come out of those middle paragraphs. I LOVE the one-sentence paragraph "Oh, she thought." There's a brief sense of too-muchness in the unrolling of the film (and her inability to stop) that mixes well with the picture of the crowded (and yet essentially empty) apartment. It's a great, balanced opening--there's so much stuff in so little space and so many leads for the imagination to follow that my only complaint is that it doesn't continue.
I agree: great opening. There were also smaller moments--in addition to the mysterious film--that grabbed me and would make me want to keep reading your work, such as: "She was attractive, a little short but busty. Men tended to underestimate her." Nice.
Thanks so much, everybody!
I was glad to see the author's note after reading this. I'm so glad there's more! I'd love to read more about Sam, the film, Mina. This is an absolute great beginning!
Keep going. More. Let 'er rip!
yes, yes, I'd definitely keep reading. will you be posting more? someone said something about liking the husband and his situation, and I do, but that film, man, that film has got me.
So would I. My curiosity is piqued - is more forthcoming?
Fantastic opening! It feels polished to me, I wouldn't change anything else at this point, but do post more. I'm intrigued...
Thanks again for the generous comments. It's very encouraging. There's lots more where this came from -- the book is more or less finished, give or take a few line edits, and it's going out to agents soon. I hadn't put any thought into serializing it on Fictionaut, but I guess I could post a little more in the weeks to come?
Yep, post some more in the weeks to come. I agree with the others, and presumably several agents will as well. I really liked the most: "...but the smug New York doctor had assured Mina that Sam would be fine. He told her to go home.
The parallel fevers, his in the hospital and hers unraveling the mysterious film, work nicely, as do the other bits of tension, the small apt., the touching of the arm, the suicide. Also, Kottbus is a great name. I'd in!
I liked the density of story lines. Not sure which will take the lead, which is pleasing. Can't go wrong with "Wilhelmina" though.
Congratulations. I read rapt and very much enjoyed and wanted to keep "turning the pages." I echo everything that's gone above. This is brimming with great stuff. I might only add that I'm especially intrigued by the protagonist's resentment regarding her time in the hospital and the idea that she feels the marriage is already in trouble--she's this ambivalent just off her honeymoon? That was the only point that tripped me up some, otherwise stellar stuff. Good luck!!!
"The words grew bigger" seals the deal for me. More! More! More!
The start of a novel? I want more -- to see the film, too!
yeah the hook is definitely in!
Hey, I really liked this! I like the set-up alot, especially the sense that this is not how she envisioned this chapter of her life to go, all the unopened presents, the 'absent' husband, etc. Would definitely turn the page.
I'm hooked. I want to know more about this woman who is still in the honeymoon phase of marriage, but already feeling suffocated in her smaller than ever apartment. I love how you decided to place your lines on the page, almost like a poem.
Oh, she thought -- is great.
And the mysterious grandfather - I want to know more. Her poor husband - I hope you're not setting him up to...die.
Great first pages. Thanks for posting. Now, where's the rest?
Thank you thank you for all the kind comments.
As it turns out, the rest needs just a little more work...
Very nice opening-- nothing like a package in the mail that goes to personal history.
Interesting opening. Good naration and story flow.
Some good hooks. Even this early in the game, I'd like to know more about Mina. You provide some info in the fifth paragraph, but more would be helpful. Perhaps something along the lines that she and her husband always opened the wedding presents together, but she breaks the pact by opening this one. I take it that the novel is a mystery/thriller?
I'm intrigued! What will happen next?? Now I can buy the book, right? Big Congrats, Jurgen!!
Just saw this. I'm hooked.
Thank you, sir. Might I please have some more?
Great start, though the novel itself seems to be written in 1st person POV from the excerpts that I've seen (they're popping up everywhere!) — What made you change the name from KOTTBUS to KOBLITZ (I much prefer the latter...less saxon, more Berlin-like, more believable to the German ear, I think)?
Thanks, Marcus. Some sections are in third person, some in first -- and somehow, the first-person scenes set in the twenties and thirties have proven themselves to be the most excerpt-able.
The change to Koblitz came fairly late. I was never 100% happy with Kottbus, probably for some of the reasons you mention, and when I remembered an old Wiesbaden neighbor by that name, it was an easy decision.
Wonderful imagery here. And an ache to know more - "The celluloid in her hands was entirely black, and Mina kept unrolling it, unable to stop. She tried to wrap it around the fingers of one hand and turn the reel with the other, but the film kept slipping off. She let it stack up on the counter into a loose loop that curled on its own."
Great writing, Jurgen.
Very interesting story. I like the pacing and suspense.
Nice descriptive opening. I like the way you introduce the canisters and then proceed to reveal Mina's mood and predicament. Catches the readers attention and moves them along the passage.
She bit HER lip and I was biting MINE throughout. I would say a "page turner", but have to admit it was a "scrollwheel clicker" as I have no page to turn! Love it...more please.