The Promise Land
by John Riley
Perhaps it was worth it, this night of frolic, Count M____ thought as he stepped into the creaking elevator, a night of dancing until his weary feet could but shuffle off the dance floor, hours of the waltz, the redowa and the newest craze from America with the comical name foxtrot, and later drinks at the expensive restaurant, money disappearing from his pockets so fast they felt dry as vast deserts as he searched with barely contained panic for enough coins to pay for his round; my piggy bank is depleted he whispered as the elevator came to a stop with a bump, and smiled at yet another Americanism; yes, the Americans with their healthy, well-fed faces and poorly concealed fear of embarrassment; the eager Americans who seemed to be everywhere, the pockets of their freshly pressed suits filled with more money than he could dream of; the shy wives blushing when asked to dance, the daughters almost giddy at the opportunity to meet an actual count; the sly young widow who whispered her room number while slipping her card into his waistcoat's fraying pocket.
Love it. How much imagination can be packed into one sentence? Apparently quite a lot. This is really delightful, you give us a fully formed character, this Count, in so few words it's kind of astonishing. Love his POV. I'd say your experiment was successful, John. You used the semi-colon to its fullest advantage here, too. Great stuff.
Ah, those sly young widows. *
An elaborate narrative in a single sentence of great charm.
Wow. This is fascinating, if only for its emphasis on culture shift.*
A waltz, a foxtrot, and a redowa (which I've never even heard of before)all in the span on a sentence. Dazzling.*
Well-defined characters, a full scene, and all it one sentence. Well done, John.
Thanks so much, guys. I was channeling my inner Zola on this one. It was fun and am delighted it is hitting the spot.
what a flight of imagination. I can count on one hand the number of counts I've known.*
Thanks, Gary. That's at least five more than I've met.
*
*, John. An excellent story contained in a single sentence. Count M_________ had quite an evening. I'm glad you brought us along.
This took me back somewhere... Vienna, the 30s or Budapest or Bucharest... sweet.
Good piece, John. Enjoyed it.
I agree with Steve G. The sentence itself is a dance that leads. *
My, my, sooooo very good!
Thanks you guys. Makes my day.
Great one sentence portrait. *
wow one sentence without a hiccup. well done, amigo. I like the "the Americans with their healthy, well-fed faces and poorly concealed fear of embarrassment" fuck those Americans.
*
FUCK yes! *
Love this is worked into a single sentence, a testimony to your brilliant abilities, love the details and the sly ending with the widow. "*"
I thought this one was gone. Thanks for the comments guys. I'm thrilled you like it. It was an experiment.
I want to try this, though I doubt I could execute so well. What a great sentence!*
Thanks, Jen. I'm sure you could do a better job. It is fun.
* Outstanding John. Brevity, thy name is power.
Thanks, Michael
Perhaps it was worth it . . . *
Perhaps, Beate. Thanks.