Muddy Creek
by John Riley
I went with Dale Stack to drown a cat on a fading summer afternoon.
I sat on the porch steps and watched Dale approach across the unplowed field. He dragged a burlap bag, the type chicken feed comes in, tied shut with baling string. When he got closer I heard the screeching and scratching coming from the inside.
Without a word, or a wave to my grandpa, I stood and followed Dale past the fig bush where the bumble bees grazed, down the two-rut tractor lane, through the barbed wire fence, on across the empty pasture and down the dead leaf hill toward the creek. Muddy Creek it was called, as though they'd run out of creek names in the black days before we were born. I thought about those black days all the time. Sometimes it was like I had already lived and died. There didn't seem to be a place I was supposed to be in this life. I found no comfort in the woods, at church, or in living on a run-down farm with an old man with one arm who sat in a cane back chair and read and re-read the same brown books until it was near enough to sundown for him to pull out the Everclear.
Dale walked tall, lightly, onto a tree trunk that had been tossed across the creek by one of the late afternoon storms that came up when the heat had no place to go. He stopped and looked at me. He wants me to flinch, I thought. When I didn't, he leaned forward and dropped the bag into the creek until it filled with water and the noise from the inside stopped. After a long moment, he pulled the bag out. Water drained through the rough threads and soon enough the cat started up screeching and clawing again. The afternoon filled with its ruckus.
Dale's face was blank as moonlight on a pond as he trailed the bag back and forth across the surface before letting it sink again. It settled on the sandy floor, the burlap the color of the rocks that broke the current. A few bubbles rose to the surface, then stopped. He pulled the bag out of the water. There was no noise this time. He untied the twine and shook the carcass onto the log bridge. I recognized the cat. She'd been around a while. Dale stared at the body until the tips of the white fur began to dry, fluttering a bit in the lightest of breezes, then he turned and walked past me, back up the creek bank. I waited until he topped the rise to follow.
Well, that was a rough read (which means well done...)
super stuff. the only thing that stood out as an issue was the line, "The afternoon filled with its ruckus." Maybe it'd be better integrated into the preceding sentence? either way, a fine story.*
Really liked this one--some fine images, dark and troubling for sure. Clear cut characters and dead on description of the setting.
Thanks Zing, James and Gary for commenting. It's a brutal story but hopefully not gratuitous.
Ugly story artfully told. It's shameful what culture can do to us.
Wow. Wonderfully awful. Or awfully wonderful.
Disturbingly vivid, and carefully done.
This is good work, John. Nicely done.
This is a terrific snapshot, John -- dark and lonely.
The third paragraph grabs me and shakes me. "Sometimes it was like I had already lived and died."
Vivid, precise, true.
Thanks everyone for the nice comments. They're making my day.
I feel like I know something now that I didn't know before reading this.What an awful stillness portrayed here.
Yes, this was terrific, particularly the closing paragraph, that little detail about the fur drying made it so immediate. Great piece.
Excellent portrayal of a silent, passive, I'm assuming younger witness to a sadistic sociopath in the making, with all that unnecessary in and out of the water. How horrific and yet completely dispassionately told. You've got to wonder about the narrator, too. .
Damn that's good.
I grew up more or less in the country (tiny town surrounded by farms). Cats in burlap bags were a regular feature. The farm is cruel. Sometimes the cats had to be drowned. Sometimes a dog put down. Sometimes something else castrated or electric shocked and struck in the head with a ball peen hammer.
I remember it all.
One of my all time faves on FN. I found this because it was the #1 story in the queue.
Well told, John. You drew this one out perfectly, added in some tension. All around superb! *
Thanks everyone for commenting and I happy you like it. I'm all puffed up and ready to crow.
Fave, John. Damn, I almost missed this fine story. You had me there watching Dale with you. So well written.
Terrific, as always, John. I sure am glad I stopped by and read it.
(Do I dare make a suggestion? I am not sure about the last sentence, specifically the placement of "to follow". What do you think about "I waited to follow until he topped the rise."
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DAMN! This is an outstanding story, vivid and mesmerizing and the telling without emotion makes it that much more powerful! " Sometimes it was like I had already lived and died. There didn't seem to be a place I was supposed to be in this life." Says so much about the entire piece! Excellent! HUGE fave! *****
Really enjoyed how disturbed I became in such a brief moment. Thanks, John.
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Thanks, guys for reading and commenting. It's very cool you like the story. I was a little nervous about posting this one.
*Vivid is definitely the word. Amazing, strong work! Glad you posted, John.
It feels about as well built as a Sherman tank. Wonderful work. Your description of the farm and the black days before he was born amazed me. Excellent work.
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Thanks, Jen and Bud. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Excellent work, John.
Thanks, Joanie
Excellent portrayal. *
Thanks, J. Mykell
Absolutely amazing story. Tells so much about the characters in this brief and horrid episode. Skillfully written, John.
Thanks, Susan.
My stomach clenched at the first line, but bravely, I think, I read on. I'm glad I did. I'm glad the narrator didn't walk home with Dale. I'm sorry you named the cat-drowner Dale, because that's my ex-husband's name and he grew up in the country. Chilling, well-done piece. No wonder you have so many comments.
And thank you for reading and commenting on my posts. I feel like you are becoming a friend.