by Jack Swenson
Just as I walk into the dining room, the old Chinese man goes down. He's the fellow who goes into classrooms and sleeps. Somebody told me that when he was younger, he taught at a university.
I kneel by his side. He rolls over on his back, his eyes squeezed shut. I don't know whether he's hurt or embarrassed. "Are you all right?" I ask. He blinks. He sits up. I help him stand. He looks sorrowfully at his coffee cup, which is on the floor.
Others are standing or crouching, half up, half down, by tables with place cards and white tablecloths. Some of the elderly men and women are coming forward. A woman in a white apron marches up. "What happened?" she asked.
I take the old man's arm and lead him to the nearest table. I pull out a chair and he sits down. One of the kitchen workers heads for the office to alert the staff. I look up and see the others shuffling toward us from the back of the room, old men and women, dozens of them, bent, slow moving, jostling each other, pushing. They don't want to miss out on anything. They want to see. They want to know if anyone was hurt. They want to see if there is any blood.
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This one combines my experience teaching a class at a Senior Center and a misspent youth watching horror movies.
I'm there, Jack. Wonderful wording here - very dead on. "I take the old man's arm and lead him to the nearest table. I pull out a chair and he sits down. One of the kitchen workers heads for the office to alert the staff. I look up and see the others shuffling toward us from the back of the room, old men and women, dozens of them, bent, slow moving, jostling each other, pushing." Strong writing.
Enjoyed this piece.
I though it was going to end, "they formed a large palsied circle and then none could remember why they were there."
I'm a little nervous that you're too close to home on this Jack. Have mercy.
Nice job.
thought
This says so much about our basic curiosity as humans. And a small but great bit of characterization in having the fallen man a former professor. Somehow it makes the fall that much more tragic...the once great teacher reduced to a spilled pile of flesh and bones beside his dropped coffee. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing it.
Powerful stuff, Jack.
Very musical prose. It really drew me in and made me feel the embarrassment of the voyeur.
ohhhh. very well done and that ending packs a whallop
Well done, Jack. Compact, smooth, effective writing on display here.
Ah, the human condition. The reason some watch car racing.But there is empathy here too. Lots said in few words.
Tight, surprising tale. The crowd at the end ghoulish on one hand, but on the other in search of signs of life.
Tight, tight action.
maybe thats the most exciting thing that happens at Senior Center. God, spare me that. You didn't make my day today./
I think they were wondering if it was 'his turn' to go. They live every day with an awareness of death's proximity, and somehow being close to it eases their own anxiety. It is a chance to confront something that usually remains in the mind.
Sorry, I also meant to say this is wonderful writing.