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The Truth Will Out


by Bill Yarrow


sorry I didn't inform you
(missing cap)

about my trip to Spain,
(comma splice)

I'm presently in Valencia
(Chicago)

and am having some difficulties here
(vague)

because
(logic?)

i
(missing cap)

lost my wallet to some robbers
(Do you mean “was robbed”?)

on my way to the hotel
(What does this add, really?)

where my money and other valuable things
(awkward, vague)

were kept.
(You were robbed
on the way to the hotel
but your money
and “other valuable things”
were kept in the hotel?
Logic?)

presently
(stilted, missing cap,)

i
(missing cap)

have limited access
(cliché)

to internet,
(missing cap, omitted word: “the”)

I will
(would)

like you to assist me with a loan
(Do you mean
“I would like you to loan me”?
How about,
“Would you please lend me...?”)

of 2,500 dollars
($2500.00)

to sort out my hotel bill.
(Do you mean “pay my hotel bill”?)

($2500.00!? Jesus, how long were you there?
Didn't you put the room on a credit card?
Didn't they want some money up front?)
 
The embassy officer here
(what's an embassy "officer”?
Do you mean "official"?)

is not responding to the issue effectively,
(That is to say, he is responding
but just not effectively?
What do you mean? Please clarify.)

and its
(it's)

going to take some time
(cliché)

 to get it all sorted.
(sorted or sorted out?)

I will
(would)

appreciate whatever you can afford to assist me with,
(awkward, rephrase)

will Refund
(missing subject, cap?)

the money back to you as soon as I am back,
(comma splice)

let me know if you can be of any help.
(Let me know whether you can help me”?
Or
“Can you please help me?)

reach me
(omitted words: “You can)”

on
(by)

phone +34962463145
(omitted word: “at”)

or via email.
(good use of "via"!)

Please let me know immediately
(Let you know what? Be clear!)

Regards
(bizarre word choice here)

Bill Yarrow
(who?)

Endcap