by Bill Yarrow
sorry I didn't inform you
(missing cap)
about my trip to Spain,
(comma splice)
I'm presently in Valencia
(Chicago)
and am having some difficulties here
(vague)
because
(logic?)
i
(missing cap)
lost my wallet to some robbers
(Do you mean “was robbed”?)
on my way to the hotel
(What does this add, really?)
where my money and other valuable things
(awkward, vague)
were kept.
(You were robbed
on the way to the hotel
but your money
and “other valuable things”
were kept in the hotel?
Logic?)
presently
(stilted, missing cap,)
i
(missing cap)
have limited access
(cliché)
to internet,
(missing cap, omitted word: “the”)
I will
(would)
like you to assist me with a loan
(Do you mean
“I would like you to loan me”?
How about,
“Would you please lend me...?”)
of 2,500 dollars
($2500.00)
to sort out my hotel bill.
(Do you mean “pay my hotel bill”?)
($2500.00!? Jesus, how long were you there?
Didn't you put the room on a credit card?
Didn't they want some money up front?)
The embassy officer here
(what's an embassy "officer”?
Do you mean "official"?)
is not responding to the issue effectively,
(That is to say, he is responding
but just not effectively?
What do you mean? Please clarify.)
and its
(it's)
going to take some time
(cliché)
to get it all sorted.
(sorted or sorted out?)
I will
(would)
appreciate whatever you can afford to assist me with,
(awkward, rephrase)
will Refund
(missing subject, cap?)
the money back to you as soon as I am back,
(comma splice)
let me know if you can be of any help.
(Let me know whether you can help me”?
Or
“Can you please help me?)
reach me
(omitted words: “You can)”
on
(by)
phone +34962463145
(omitted word: “at”)
or via email.
(good use of "via"!)
Please let me know immediately
(Let you know what? Be clear!)
Regards
(bizarre word choice here)
Bill Yarrow
(who?)
24
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345 words
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When hackers hand you lemons...
Unpublished
hee hee. The Yarrow strikes back. Nice.
The mistakes in the letter smack of someone who speaks British English very poorly and who doesn't realize that his audience is mostly American.
Great meditation on the hacker topic. Tons of ways to read this. Loved the last line.
Yes, yes. I like what's going on with the form. Nicely done, Bill.
Scamming is one thing. But poor usage: unforgivable.( Or should that have been a semi-colon?)
This is downright therapeutic. Awesome. Last line, even more awesome.
Give 'em hell, Bill.
this is great..love it!
on my way to the hotel
(What does this add, really?)
& happened to me too but I was in Wales and thanked "GOD" (in all caps of course, several times throughout) I was not hurt in my "email", that gave it away instantly to my friends...
Ohmigod, this is great, and only you could have pulled it off so beautifully. You must have had a great deal of fun doing it!
Exceptionally good use. Aim high with it. It has universal value. *
"Lost my wallet to some robbers.." also raises interesting nearly Dadaesque circumstances to ponder. Did the writer mean,for example, that said robbers, exiting a successful[or perhaps failed]knockover of a Valencian bank discovered the lost wallet underfoot on the Valencian sidewalk, and could not resist adding it to the haul? This seems a plausible interpretation, though no doubt there are others.
Hilarious, and expertly done, Bill!
Really nice.
Funny, Bill. Yep, the "money letter." What is next?
Hilarious *!
Dude stop being so awesome! (just kidding don't stop)
Fave.
now poem poke pencil into eye of bad and is magnificent which more i could enjoy with food and shelter misplaced by me please would appreciate aid-contact
7770098765
send euros
god blessing bill
Good for you, Bill. Glad you posted this. I was about to send the $2,500....
Pure lemonade.
Star.
I did sent via email 2500 euros you can refund Bill thank God?
*
"Good use of 'via'!"
Hilarious, Bill.
oh yes... !!
:) *
a hoot. rolling on floor (the?) loughing. (laughing?) (please help me, too)
I'd like to know the back story. They obviously didn't do their homework.
oh sweet goodness, pack that inner editor on a vacation to.. valencia! you are so good at poking fun. peace *
Way to go, Bill! You shook the magic hat back at them and out popped the rabbit.
Bill, the power of the pen to respond. Love your style, and the creative brain you have! Fantastic read (to what might have turned out to be a huge tragedy!) So glad it wasn't.
Ziiiing. Go, Bill, go. Love this. Got a laugh. Or should I say LOL and OMG?
spampoem. spamalot. yes, monty
Fun! Who? Anyway you should indeed start writing these spam things that everybody gets from dearly beloved folk stranded hither and thither, usually with a huge inheritance, but for the fact.... And then again, maybe you already do?
refreshingly inventive. and true. nice way to shake up the form.
Thanks, Tantra! (Couldn't write on your wall.)
Oh yes! *