EVENING ALONE
Sharon arrived at an overcast beach to the squawks and swoops of seagulls. One settled on the nearby seawall.
She glanced sideways. "Do you have Christmas mornings and birthday parties?"
The gull strutted a few steps down the wall.
"Please don't go away. Stay and talk," Sharon said. The gull stood on one leg and cocked its head toward her. She rubbed a knuckle under her eye.
"I need your advice."
The gull put its foot down, stretched its wings out and swept into the salty breeze. Sharon stood, crossed the esplanade and stopped at the water's edge.
"Do you have Christmas mornings and birthday parties?" she asked an incoming wave. It turned and swirled back as she walked away.
Darkening clouds broke now and the setting sun peeked over the horizon like a half-drowned orange.
In the wet sand, light glinted off a gold ring.
###
She glanced sideways. "Do you have Christmas mornings and birthday parties?"
The gull strutted a few steps down the wall.
"Please don't go away. Stay and talk," Sharon said. The gull stood on one leg and cocked its head toward her. She rubbed a knuckle under her eye.
"I need your advice."
The gull put its foot down, stretched its wings out and swept into the salty breeze. Sharon stood, crossed the esplanade and stopped at the water's edge.
"Do you have Christmas mornings and birthday parties?" she asked an incoming wave. It turned and swirled back as she walked away.
Darkening clouds broke now and the setting sun peeked over the horizon like a half-drowned orange.
In the wet sand, light glinted off a gold ring.
###
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Author's Note
I was on a trip down the east coast when I met a young woman who lost her kids in an ugly divorce. This is to her memory.
Other stories by Ramon Collins
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I am so sad. But this is perfect.
oh, man.
I can't breathe now. Amazing.
Brilliant!
Absolutely amazing handling of this story with just as much said in the spaces between.
A wonderful piece. Great writing, Ramon. Stunning: "The gull put its foot down, stretched its wings out and swept into the salty breeze." I like this work.
I appreciate all the encouragement and thoughtful thoughts. Real life incidents can spark fiction (faction?) and I've often wondered what happened to the young woman. Thank you all for the read and positive comments.
Man, this is sad, but you've done it so well here. Nice images throughout. Well done!
I will think about this poem when I am at my beach. Wonderful.
Great use of whimsy, Ramon, while still conveying something important. Nice!
Christian, Estelle and Bonnie: Thank you for the read -- and I heard your encouragin' words.
Ramon, this is absolutely beautiful! I was so tired and needed to go to sleep--after reading your amazing comments to me I had to read something by you. I'm so glad I did! I shall take this brilliant, minimal piece with me to sleep and it will help me to fall asleep with your words inside me. You say so much with so few words...very, very beautiful! Thank you.
Thank you, Bobbi. I'm truly humbled by praise from a poet who has mastered the craft. Truly humbled.
this is a great piece, ramon. enjoyable, heart felt communion between a silent and a silenced creature in less than 150 words. awesome.
Nice. Like a film. Enjoyed the construction here piece by piece and the pang at the end.
Heartbreaking.
Like a very sad caress; hope your muse can feel it somehow.
Finnegan, Darryl, Martha and Beate: Thank you for your reads and comments. I've read your work and can't help but think I'm in over my head. Question: Is it possible to learn how to swim while applauding?
Afterthought (damn Early Alzheimer's): As all creative people know, rejection is a hard emotion to deal with. The woman lost her kids; I tried to empathize this emotion with the gull and wave. Does it work?
Good stuff, Ramon. The character is slightly unbalanced because of grief - we have all been there - those of us to live enough life that is. Loved this.
Fav
Thank you for the read and comment, Myra. That's the rub: The kid hadn't lived enough life. It's a situation with the impact to stick in your mind -- story material. I O U
I think the gull and the wave work very well here, Ramon. She addresses them and they respond in the only way they know how. It's not indifference, but reality. Just like her life; there's a rhythm to it all (as there's a rhythm to this story), and it might not make sense, but it flows anyway. This touches me very much.
High praise, indeed, from a writer-fella like you, Michelle. Thank you.
The poor kid had an overdose of rejection -- I tried to image that with the gull leaving and the wave receding.
Ramon. You're good. I'll be back.
Very much like a film. I just read this in Camroc Press Review. Glad I can "fave" it here.
This was gutting even before I read the author's note. Ramon, you really know how to tug the heartstrings.
James: Thanks for the read. I'll wait right here.
Jane: A "film" reference for a Micro or Flash piece is, indeed, a grand compliment. Thank you.
Claire: Thank you. Some life incidents stick to the roof of your mind -- they might make stories that will interest readers. I dunno if it's heartstrings or headstrings.
Oh my, this is lovely. Poetry dressed in the guise of prose. I will be looking at more of your writing soon. This one is being fav'd.
Beautifully written. The poignancy of the last line filled me with sadness. I hope the young divorced woman who inspired this story went on to find happiness in life. *.
I like your sad & shot story Mr.Collins
Michael: Sincere "thanks" for the compliment.
Frank: Thank you. My gut reaction when I see someone's been knocked down is to help them get back up.
Lyudmyia: I appreciate your comment. The Great Buddha teaches all nature is a balance. I only hope the next day she was happy.
* from me
Hey Ramon
This is just excellent writing. Such control and gorgeous restraint.
Very sad and thoughtful. I loved it!
Deb
just came across this one, ray. loved it. great ending.
Thanks for the real compliments, Deb. I've read your work for years and your comments are appreciated.
Thank you, too, MaryG. It seems my fiction has to have a reality base (faction?). I hope you're writing more short-shorts -- you're a natural.
So, so, beautiful.